


A Poor Sense of Self-Preservation

by bornafluffychild



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015), Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: AU, Complicated Relationships, F/M, Frenemies, Friends to Lovers, Hate to Love, Implied Sexual Content, Sexual Tension
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-09-18
Updated: 2018-02-05
Packaged: 2018-12-31 07:21:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 12
Words: 46,178
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12127389
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bornafluffychild/pseuds/bornafluffychild
Summary: They hate each other but it seems they're stuck with each other, even if just for Finn's sake.  Poe can't understand what Finn sees in her and she can't understand why anyone would find the Pilot charming in any way, but circumstances being what they are in a war with the First Order bent on the Resistance's annihilation, they are forced to tolerate each other and maybe even loathe each other less in the process.(picks up after The Force Awakens)





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hi everyone, this was just something pinging around in my head so I thought I would share. Let me know what you think in the comments!
> 
> And of course, I don't own Star Wars, the characters, etc.

CHAPTER 1

 

They hate each other. 

 

They have since the moment they met in Medbay with Finn’s unconscious form just a few feet away. Sure, they had seen each other on the tarmac outside the Millennium Falcon and in the briefing room when the map was finally put together, but they had never talked until they found themselves standing in the awkwardly sterile room.He had stumbled into it, not expecting her to be there and she had startled, angry with whomever interrupted her last moments with her friend before her departure. 

 

His smart remark, which he had regretted as soon as it left his lips, had done nothing to help the situation.Her own equally harsh barb just made it worse.Mercifully, it had caused him to leave before more damage could be done, shaking his head with every step as he wondered how that was the woman his friend had risked his life to save and his droid incessantly fawned over.

 

Similarly, he shakes his head in the pilot seat of an ancient Y-wing, wondering what in the world it could be about her that causes Finn to want to journey to where she is, out on this practically abandoned planet.It could be the allure of meeting the legendary Luke Skywalker and hopefully bringing him back with them since that actually is the mission, but he knows that Finn only volunteered for it because _she’s_ with Skywalker. Technically they are supposed to bring back both Skywalker and his student, which Poe is less than thrilled about doing since it means that he will have to see her at the base on a regular basis.Thankfully, since she took the Millennium Falcon to get to the aging Jedi and this ship only holds two people anyway, he won’t have to be in the same ship as her for the flight back.He pushes the bitter thoughts aside as he maneuvers to land in a clearing on the island.

 

Finn, who right now sits behind Poe, has an enthusiasm that is usually one of the things Poe enjoys about his friend.Right now, however, he wishes Finn wasn’t so eager to see the young Jedi since Poe would rather put off the confrontation that is bound to happen once they exit the ship.Unfortunately, Finn jumping out before the canopy is actually all the way up and bounding toward the short brunette makes that an impossibility. 

 

Poe is forced to follow suit, though he makes sure to lag behind as much as possible while Finn envelops her into a long hug.Instead of hurrying forward, Poe takes his time adjusting his dark brown jacket that he got as a replacement for the one that Finn now wears.He can tell she notices him and his delay when she scowls in his direction.He doesn’t care if she’s angry, though; he’s only here because it was the only way the General would allow Finn to go on this mission since he’s still recovering.So he takes his time meandering to where she stands with his friend.

 

“Why did you bring him?”Her anger is bubbling near the surface as she addresses her question to Finn and glares at Poe— she has to take a long, steady breath to rein it back in before she does or says something unbecoming of a Jedi apprentice.Finn looks back and forth between his two friends, confused.

 

“You two have met?”

 

“Briefly, in Medbay, right before I left to come here.”She crosses her arms against her chest over the grey vest she wears, continuing to point her glare directly at Poe as he finally stops a few feet away.

 

“And somehow you hate each other from that?”

 

“Ask him about it.”She raises her chin, pointing it at Poe.

 

“Poe, what happened?”

 

“Don’t make it sound like I’m responsible for this; you were there, too.”He’s glaring back at Rey, not having moved his eyes off hers even while Finn spoke.

 

“OK, someone tell me why you hate each other.”Finn looks back and forth between his two friends, confused and slightly annoyed.

 

“He started it.”

 

“You perpetuated it.”

 

“I’d rather be stuck in a room with a rathtar than be around you.”

 

“Something we finally agree on, Jedi— I’d like you to be stuck in a room with a rathtar too.I’ll even help arrange it.”

 

“Stop it, both of you!Kriff, you two are ridiculous.Fine, neither of you are going to tell me what really happened; I can deal with that.But as long as I’m around you, you’re going to be civil to each other.”

 

“That’s impossible.”Rey huffs, turning away to walk up the steps that lead to the huts that she and Skywalker live in.

 

“Look, Poe,” Finn turns to him then, his face very serious, “please don’t antagonize her.”

 

“Antagonize her?Wait, you can’t seriously be saying you think what just happened is my fault— she started it!”

 

“It doesn’t matter; just end it, OK?You’re both my friends and I won’t watch you pull each other apart.Just try, please?”

 

“Fine, but only while we’re here.”Just then BB-8 flies by them to follow her, a series of excited beeps and whirs in his wake.“Traitor!”He can’t even trust his droid these days.

 

“If you give her a chance, you’ll like her— I know it.”

 

“Sure, Finn.Whatever you say.”He suppresses the eye roll he’d much rather give his friend.There is no way he’ll ever actually like that woman— Jedi, Finn’s friend, or no— but he’ll make it work for the rest of the day.

 

When Master Skywalker announces that they won’t be able to leave for a couple of days, Poe swears the galaxy is conspiring against him.How else could it be explained? Agreeing to be civil while on this planet was easy when it would be for a maximum of twelve hours— most of which he hoped they would spend sleeping.Now that it becomes clear that it will be much longer than that, he is not so sure he can survive.He decides the only way to deal with this is to actually go talk to the woman in question.

 

She’s sitting, cross legged, along a high cliff when he finally finds her.The wind is whipping her hair out of the elastics holding it back, causing strands of it to dance along its current.From ten feet behind her, with her hair like that and her grey clothing similarly rippling in the breeze, he imagines that if things were different maybe he would want to talk to her.If she wasn’t herself and he wasn’t himself, that is.They are themselves, however, so it doesn’t matter.

 

He clears his throat, which makes her turn to him.

 

“Do you need something?I was meditating.”Her voice holds a strong tinge of irritation as she speaks to him.It makes him instantly feel defensive.

 

“Look, I don’t like being around you any more than you like being around me but as long as we’re both stuck on this island, Finn has made me promise that we’ll be civil.”

 

“So he made you promise that, too?”He nods before walking to her side and finally sinking down to the ground next to her, letting his legs dangle off the edge of the cliff.

 

“Yeah, I don’t know what it is about you but both he and BB-8 seem to want me to be nicer to you.”

 

“Finn promises me that you’re not as terrible of a guy as I think.”The comment smarts— almost no one dislikes him— and he can feel his impatience breaking free.

 

“You’re not exactly perfect, you know.Everything about you irritates me.It’s as if you were created specifically for that purpose.”

 

“How incredibly narcissistic of you.If I’m so awful then why were you a part of the crowd of officers and fighters who saw me off, cheering?”She almost shouts the words, her chest heaving.

  
“I was cheering that I wouldn’t have to deal with you anymore.”His voice rises in response; he knows this is heading nowhere good.At least Finn isn’t around to chastise him for breaking his promise— even though she’s breaking hers too, he’s sure Finn will be angrier with him.

 

“The feeling is mutual.At least when we leave I won’t have to be in the same ship as you.”

 

“I was thinking the same thing.If it makes it any easier to avoid each other, I can teach you how to fly my fighter just in case.”As soon as he sees her face contorting in anger he knows that was the exact wrong thing to say.

 

“I don’t need you to teach me to fly anything.I’m a perfectly capable pilot— I’ve been flying the Falcon just fine and I can fly anything else.”

 

“Have you actually flown anything else?”

 

“That doesn’t matter.”

 

“Yes it does.”

 

Suddenly she moves to stand, dusting off her pants as she does.

 

“I need to help Master Luke with dinner.”She begins walking away before he can say anything to stop her.“If you want to be helpful, you could accidentally slip on your way back so there’s one less person to cook for.”

 

Maybe he won’t go back for dinner.That thought replays in his mind for the next two hours until the light has fully retreated from the planet around him and the darkness envelopes him instead.The grumble of his empty stomach wins out then and he resolves that he’ll attempt civility in favor of a meal if he must.

 

-*-*-

 

BB-8 rolls around the small hut beeping happily while Finn sets the table.It’s been a long time since Poe has seen something so decidedly domestic and even with not being able to tolerate someone in this enclosure it still tugs on his heartstrings to see such a display.It feels intrusive to wedge his way into the tiny space while the rest of them chatter and laugh but Poe does it nonetheless, skirting Rey as much as possible to keep her from registering his presence for as long as manageable.

 

“Don’t bother trying to hide, Pilot, I can hear what you’re thinking.” 

  
He stops short at her high voice calling out to him.She can hear what he’s thinking?But he hasn’t noticed any sensation of someone in his mind the way Kylo Ren had been when he had been captured.So how is this possible?

 

“You’re projecting your thoughts so much that any Force user would be able to readily pick them up, making it unnecessary to forcefully read your mind.”Master Skywalker offers as he turns to set a bowl of some green vegetation on the table.

 

“I never realized that was possible.I don’t know that much about the Force.”

 

The older Jedi chuckles lowly as he turns back to where Rey continues preparing something.

 

“Kes and Shara were always pretty confused by, sometimes even wary of, the Force as many people are.Rest assured, Poe, that you would know if someone was trying to read your mind just as I hear you did when Kylo Ren did read yours.While Jedi with a Force bond do communicate with each other telepathically, that particular use of the Force you are talking about is of the dark side; not the light.Jedi do not embrace that practice so you have nothing to fear from my padawan and I.”

 

“Are there other things Jedi can’t do or that dark side users can’t do?”

 

“It’s not a question of ability, per se, but rather a choice of how to wield the Force.The Jedi have restrictions on what the Force should be used to do that is determined by what side of the Force that particular power draws from-- the dark side or the light-- the same as the dark side users do.Thus Jedi are only trained in skills that Jedi embrace and the same vice versa.The main difference, however, is from what feelings the Force user draws their power.A Jedi draws from feelings of compassion, love, kindness.A dark side user-- once, when I was younger, the Sith were the dark side users-- they tap into things like greed, lust, anger, fear, and others.If a Jedi does not learn to control those dark feelings, they can fall to the dark side.”

 

Chewie and Finn set more dishes of food on the table, effectively ending the conversation between Poe and the older Jedi for now.With a bit of shuffling they finally find a configuration for them all to sit for their meal-- it unfortunately leaves Poe and Rey next to each other to angrily glare throughout it.Before they can actually begin, however, the screams of TIE fighters draw the group’s attention above them. 

 

“Is that what I think it is?”Finn asks, though the sound would be unmistakeable even if it hadn’t been seared into his brain from infancy.

 

“Yes.”Rey responds quietly, gripping the edge of the table hard enough that her knuckles are turning white.“We need to leave.Now.”

 

She punctuates her statement by standing abruptly and beginning to move around the table toward the door.Luke is the only one who seems to comprehend what she said as he likewise rises hastily.The realization that they’re under attack takes a moment to process through the rest of the group’s minds and Rey is about to repeat herself more loudly until the others stand and begin following her as well.Poe feels a little embarrassed then— with all of the drills he’s run, he freezes up in a moment like this?

 

“Don’t waste time fetching things-- we must hurry.”Luke instructs as they reach the door.“Head toward the ships!”He has to shout over the incredible amount of noise from the incoming attack as the group begins to hurry down the stone stairs.

 

In the distance, through the fire of the TIE fighters, Rey sees a transport land in a clearing.She can sense the presence of at least fifty individuals within it-- Stormtroopers, no doubt-- and the beginnings of panic begin to set in.Her Master picks up on it immediately and follows her gaze over to it, alighting with his own concern that he pushes down.

 

“Control your feelings, padawan.Fear only leads to one place.”He sets a comforting hand on her shoulder, reminding her of his calming presence and of her training.She turns to him as they stop about three hundred feet from where both the Falcon and Poe’s Y-Wing sit, her eyes full of concern.

 

“You have to get Finn to the Falcon; he’s not recovered enough to fight.”

 

“And what are you going to do?”

 

“Hold them off so you can take off.”

 

“Rey, you’re not far enough along in your training to do this alone.You need my help.”

 

“I know; you can help from closer to the Falcon until Chewie has it ready to leave.You haven’t flown a ship in combat for years and Chewie has-- your only choice is to go with them.”

 

Before they can conclude their conversation a blaster bolt tears through the group, narrowly missing Rey’s arm.That seems to jolt them all into movement again.

 

“Finn and Chewie, get to the Falcon immediately with R2 and begin preparing it to depart.I’ll help Rey hold them off until the ship is ready to go.Poe, you and Rey will need to leave in your ship— don’t let her convince you to leave without her.”

 

While Poe knows they both dislike the arrangement, he nods his agreement to the older Jedi before he runs toward the incoming Stormtroopers, ready to hold them off so the rest have a chance to escape.He places himself a distance from the ships so he’s positioned between the Stormtroopers and his friends, shooting into the middle of the group of white-clad combatants.He’s followed by BB-8, who moves closer to the Y-Wing in preparation of being loaded behind the cockpit. 

 

Instead of following Poe as well, Rey runs directly into the fray, lightsaber drawn and deflecting blaster bolts as she goes.Out of the corner of his eye, Poe sees another squad approaching from a different part of the island but it is met by the Jedi Master before they can venture closer to the ships or over toward where Rey fights.

 

The cloud of white armor grows over where the Jedi Master fights, alarming Poe enough that he turns his attention and his blaster in that direction as the Jedi is pushed back step-by-step by the group.The aging man’s skill, however, is incredible-- undoubtedly anyone else would long have been dead in such a situation, yet he has merely given some ground to them.As Poe surveys the battlefield before him, however, he realizes that they will quickly be swamped if they don’t leave soon.That thought causes him to rush toward his ship to ensure that BB-8 is loaded and has instructions to prepare the ship for takeoff.

 

A short distance away, he hears the engine of the Falcon whir to life, now ready to leave once it’s final occupant is on board.Skywalker clearly notices as he suddenly Force pushes the group of Stormtroopers enough to send the lot through the air and crashing into the ground at least fifty feet.He doesn’t waste time and runs in the direction of the Falcon.Instead of immediately boarding, he approaches Poe.

 

“You need to get out of here with her.”

 

“BB-8 is preparing the Y-Wing.I’ll call to her in just a moment.”

 

The Jedi shakes his head. 

 

“You’re going to have to physically go get her-- she’s not going to leave on her own.They’re here for her so if she doesn’t leave soon, they’ll capture her to bring her to Snoke.She has to leave immediately.I knocked that group out temporarily,” he nods in the direction of the group of fighters he had Force pushed, “but there will be more on the way very soon.”

 

“OK.”Poe nods and glances over to where the slight woman has cleared a circle around her, Stormtroopers strewn across the ground.How did that happen?“I’ll go get her but you have to leave-- she won’t leave until you do.”

 

“I know.”

 

Poe runs toward where she continues fighting fiercely, wondering at the fact that more than half the squad now lies on the ground, useless.How one small woman could fight such is beyond him.As he approaches her, he realizes he’s going to have to watch that he doesn’t get caught in her attacks as well as those of their enemies’.Much to his surprise, however, she glances over to him and addresses him. 

 

“I could sense you approaching.” She shouts over the noise.

 

He comes up to her side and lays a large hand on her elbow, tugging her backwards as he shoots the incoming warriors.

 

“It’s time to go, Rey.”He says it loud enough for her to hear and hopefully not so loud that the others can.

 

He can feel her resisting for a few moments, still bent on beating them back, until she finally relents.Before she fully turns to run, however, she does the same as her Jedi Master and Force pushes the group so they fly back and crash into the ground.Satisfied that they have enough of a delay, they both sprint to the ship.

 

Instead of having boarded the Falcon, Poe sees the Jedi Master still battling with a few stormtroopers who must have recovered more quickly than their compatriots.Quickly, the aging Jedi manages to rid himself of his opponents and hurry in the direction of Poe and Rey, the latter of which had started running in the direction of her teacher.The two meet far enough away from Poe that he can’t hear the words they exchange, though he can tell from their terse expressions that they are arguing about something.Finally, Rey nods and the Jedi’s face softens before he embraces her and plants a short kiss to her forehead.

 

The pilot looks away, suddenly feeling as though he’s intruded on something that wasn’t meant for his eyes.In his over thirty years in this galaxy he has not felt as awkwardly bashful as he suddenly does.Pushing it aside, he focuses himself on doing one last check of the ship and keeping an eye out for more Stormtroopers while he waits.

 

Quickly enough, Rey reaches him and he waits for her to hoist herself up into the cockpit before also jumping in himself and closing the hatch.They’re both hastily flipping switches and maneuvering to get into the air while buckling themselves in; both sets of actions important for their personal safety.They narrowly avoid devastating fire from both Stormtroopers and the TIE fighters before lifting off, the Falcon having done the same just moments before.

 

“Chewie, we’ll split from you and draw any ships away so you can get back to base.We’ll take the long way back and meet you there.” Rey calls the words calmly over the comm and while it’s exactly what Poe would do, the fact that she is the one making the decision sparks his irritation.

 

“Who said you could call the shots?”He had cut the comm with the Falcon before he spoke the words so Rey is the only one who can hear him.Even if he is the best pilot in the Resistance and legendary for resisting the First Order’s torture, he has enough sense to be nervous of a Jedi Master’s abilities and a wookie’s temper.

 

“Jedi stand separate from the Republic and separate from the Resistance; part of my duty as a padawan is to ensure that at least one Force user from the light stays alive to carry it on, so Luke and I can’t be in such a precarious position right now as us both be able to be blown up at the same time.”

 

“I guess that makes sense.You two do seem very…close from what I saw.”

 

“You don’t know what you saw, idiot.”Rey snaps back barely as soon as he’s gotten his own words out.

 

Just as they break from the planet’s atmosphere, a group of TIE fighters come into view.

 

“What I see right now, however, is a bunch of guys that want us dead.Focus on them.”He pauses for a moment before adding, “you know how to operate the artillery on this, right?”

 

“Of course.I can take apart and rebuild a Y-Wing in a single afternoon; I can manage something as simple as its _guns_.You just point and shoot.”

 

“It’s a bit more complicated than that.”He mutters it under his breath, hoping that she doesn’t register the words; the last thing either of them needs is to be distracted by their own bickering.

 

To his surprise, Rey proves that she does know her way around the ship’s weaponry and makes quick work of the TIE fighters.Perhaps he shouldn’t be that surprised considering her combat skills on the ground, he thinks briefly to himself.Quickly, he shakes his head free of the thought, reminding himself that this is _that irritating girl_ he’s thinking of; there’s nothing redeeming or positive about her.

 

Their mutual elation at being free of the TIE fighters is short lived, however, as they both feel the controls being taken over by another force.

 

“Rey, are you doing one of your Jedi tricks?”His voice cracks embarrassingly with his own nerves—he’s actually quite positive that she’s not using any of her abilities but right now he’d really like to be wrong.

 

“No, I’m not.”She sighs heavily.“It’s a tractor beam.”  


“From what? There’s nothing here.”

 

Out of nowhere a Star Destroyer materializes in front of them.

 

“Is that a…” He trails off in disbelief.

 

“A Star Destroyer? Yes.Don’t tell me that you’ve never seen one before.”

 

“No, I have. It’s just…that wasn’t there a moment ago.It didn’t show up on our scans at all.For it to do that it would have to…”

 

“Approach at light speed and come out of it at precisely the right moment?I know.”

 

“But how?”

 

“If you have a powerful Force user on board who is afflicted with a twinge of psychosis and a very acute ability to sense others— especially other Force users— you can pinpoint a place, thing, or _person_ and make it happen if you’re close enough.” She pauses before her voice sounds again, this time her words are heavy with guilt.“I’m so sorry that you’re caught in this Poe; he’s here for me.I can feel it.I don’t think he knew you would be here but at this point it’s just a bonus for him.”

 

“You mean Kylo Ren?”

 

“Yes.”


	2. Chapter 2

CHAPTER 2

 

“It’s OK.”He lets the words escape as a whisper while he busies himself with the futile effort of trying to overpower the tractor beam.

 

“Poe, we can’t escape it.”

 

He knows but he has to do something.His mind frantically reels through the snippets of memories from the last time he came face-to-face with Kylo Ren and his body automatically reacts to it with futile attempts at escape.After several attempts he finally gets a grip on himself enough to stop and calm down so he can at least approach the situation with a rational, logical mind.

 

“So what do we do, Jedi?”

 

“We let it take us in and we figure out a way to escape them from on board.”

 

“We could fight our way out when we land.”

 

“No; we have to disable the tractor beam before we can get out or we won’t get very far.Besides, there will be too many of them waiting for us in the hangar.Kylo Ren knows I’m in this ship; he’ll have every Stormtrooper imaginable waiting for us.”

 

“That guy really does have a strange obsession with you.”

 

“You have no idea.”

 

“What is with that, anyway?”

 

“It’s complicated.”

 

He figured as much.The Resistance had been very concerned about Kylo Ren’s apparent search and pursuit of Rey following Starkiller base.Quickly after the Resistance’s victory, a bounty had been placed on her head and their spy network confirmed that Kylo Ren’s movements were due to his ongoing search for her.It seemed that half of the First Order had been devoted to locating her.While Poe knows that Force users are rare, it still makes little sense to him why Kylo Ren would have such an obsession; she’s pretty plain.

 

“Well, looks like it’s about to get more complicated.”Whatever lies in store for them will not be good and they both know it.

 

Rey, all business, doesn’t bother to respond to his smart remark.It’s just as well since this really isn’t the best time for the two of them to argue and he knows it— she really is his best chance at survival in this situation given her abilities.The lightsaber helps, too.

 

“When we land, stay close to me as we get out.There’s very little chance that we will be able to escape right then, though we can give it a shot anyway, but you have to stay right next to me so we don’t die.”

 

Her giving orders again chafes on him.  


“Thinking you’re going to protect me, Jedi? I’m pretty good with a blaster, you know.”

 

“Yeah, but you can’t stop blaster bolts and I can.Have you ever seen Kylo Ren Force choke someone before?”

 

“No.”  


“Me either and I don’t want to witness it today.That’s why you need to stay by me; we can give each other cover.If you wander away, I can’t stop Kylo Ren if he decides to kill you.”

 

“Won’t he be more focused on killing you anyway?”

 

“He’ll want to kill me one-on-one in a fight like he was going to do on Starkiller or he’ll want to bring me to Snoke.Remember how the bounties for me were to bring me alive and unharmed; not dead?He won’t want a random Stormtrooper killing me.You, on the other hand, he might make sure dies just because of your position in the Resistance.”

 

“You weren’t kidding that this whole thing is complicated.”He tries to say it in a playful tone to push down the growing terror he feels as the landing dock of the Star Destroyer draws closer to them.

 

Truthfully, he never fully recovered from his last stay with Kylo Ren.While his body has, in fact, healed, his mind hasn’t and nightmares still plague his sleeping hours.He’s tried everything but nothing has worked yet; his reality as far as he can tell will continue to include nightly terrors for however long his life continues.Right now it seems as though that won’t be long.

 

“It’s going to be fine, Poe.He won’t get a chance to torture you again.” 

 

Her words are so softly spoken that Poe wonders if she even realizes she said them out loud.Either way, they strike him with realization once again.Suddenly, the cold slug of betrayal settles in his stomach as he understands why she would say such a thing.

 

“Stop reading my mind, Jedi.”

 

“Stop projecting your thoughts, Pilot.It wouldn’t take a Jedi to know what you’re thinking right now.”

 

With a thud and a clatter, the Y-wing lands on the dock.They’re out of time. 

 

“BB-8, you should go hide somewhere as soon as we get out.Don’t let them get ahold of you.We won’t leave without you.”Rey’s words to the droid are met with a series of beeps affirming understanding of her instructions.

 

Even though Poe’s trained for every eventuality of war, in theory, this reality is overwhelming.This was supposed to be a quick, easy mission to bring Skywalker and his student back.That was it.It was supposed to be so easy that originally it would be one person assigned to it if that one person hadn’t have been someone who still doesn’t have full function of his body back.

 

Reluctantly, Poe hits the release on the hatch on the ancient Y-wing and sets about fumbling with his belt so he can stand.Once he hears the telltale _click_ of his restraint coming apart, he checks for his blaster in its holster and pulls himself into a crouch on his seat.Out of the corner of his eye, he sees Rey doing the same, readying herself for the impending clash that will undoubtedly happen.Oddly enough, though, her lightsaber is missing from her belt.She clearly had it on Ahch-To.It must have dropped in their rush to leave— that doesn’t inspire confidence about their chances of escape.

 

There are at least two hundred Stormtroopers waiting next to where they land.At the front of them stands a man in a crisp officer’s uniform, a shock of copper hair peaking out the sides of his matching hat.But no sign of the black clad monster that stalks the galaxy.

 

Even without Kylo Ren present, the slow creep of terror advances through Poe’s body.He can’t stand the idea of Rey picking up on his fear, much less Kylo Ren, so he quickly quells it.Instead, he puts on an arrogant smirk and carefully hops down on to the floor, Rey following close behind.

 

“This is quite the welcoming committee, boys.No need to go to such extravagance for us.”

 

“Silence, Resistance filth.”The red head’s tone is sharp.He’s clearly used to giving orders exactly once and judging by his uniform, he is an officer of high rank.“You are now prisoners of the First Order— submit peacefully or die.”

 

Rey immediately shifts so she’s standing slightly in front of Poe, separating him from the troops and angry officer in front of them.The movement causes every Stormtrooper to draw their blaster, aiming it directly at them.In response, Rey extends her arm in front of her, pointed at the group.

 

“You can shoot all you want but you know I can easily stop your fire or even reverse it.”

 

Now it looks like they’re going to have to fight their way out of this— so much for Rey’s insistence that they not.The thought of this pulls a groan from deep in Poe’s chest.

 

“We talked about this, Rey,”it’s a low murmur but she clearly hears it since her head turns to the side to eye him.

 

“Shut. Up.And stay close.”She turns her attention back to the group of armed combatants who have their weapons trained on the two of them.

 

“There’s no way you could single handedly block fire and fight all of us at once.”

  
Rey moves several steps forward and plants her feet defiantly.

 

“Do you want to find out?”

 

“No need, Scavenger.”

 

The words come out deep from a modulator, its source directly behind Poe.Poe would move but he’s frozen in place as Kylo Ren quickly grabs Poe’s arm, pulls it behind his back, and brings his lightsaber up to halt inches from the pilot’s neck.

 

It’s a lot harder to control his terror now when Poe can feel the heat from the blade that is so close to ending his life.

 

Rey turns then to see Poe clearly at the mercy of the man known to be incredibly destructive and apt to kill for no reason.

 

“You were supposed to stay close.”She hisses it at Poe, though her eyes stay locked on Kylo Ren.

 

_Seriously, that is what she’s thinking about right now?_

 

“Surrender, Scavenger, or I will have no qualms ending the pilot now.”It’s practically a growl from the residual noise of the mask’s modulator.

 

Any other person would hang their head in defeat at the words but Rey keeps her chin up and her shoulders squared as she stares down the mask of a person.Even when it’s clear she’s lost she still faces it with bravery.

 

“You’re making a big assumption that she cares if you kill me, Metalface.”

 

“Oh, she cares.So would General Organa.”The black clad figure scoffs as he inches the glowing blade closer to Poe’s neck.

 

“Alright.I’ll surrender but only if you promise not to harm him in any way, Ben.”

 

“Fine.” 

 

An irritated huff accompanies the single word, but it’s Kylo Ren’s quick agreement to such a demand that catches Poe’s attention.

 

Four Stormtroopers approach and one demands Rey hold out her arms for them to cuff her.Even if she very slowly does so, she still complies.The cuffs close with a series of clicks and and it feels like the door to survival does, too.Once Rey is secured, Kylo Ren immediately withdraws his lightsaber and shoves Poe forward to be cuffed as well.

 

Briefly Poe meets Rey’s eye, silently asking what he should do.By the threat he sees in them, he decides it’s best not to resist and reluctantly follows suit.As the cold cuffs meet his flesh he silently hopes that Rey has a plan for this because he certainly doesn’t.But he’s unable to say anything to her because he’s immediately being pulled forward and out of the corner of his eye he sees the butt of a blaster come down on the back of Rey’s head, rendering her unconscious.

 

The cells they put them in are devoid of anything other than a slab that would only generously be called a bed.Rey sits up on the slab, wondering why they even bother to put it in here since the floor would be the same effect.Her head throbs from where she was struck earlier, the pain explaining why she doesn’t remember how she got from the hangar to the cell.The Stormtroopers are still standing in the cell watching her for unknown reasons.

 

“Don’t you have anything better to do?”She glares at them belligerently from behind dark lashes.

 

The Stormtroopers turn to each other in confusion but ultimately leave.It’s completely silent other than the faint sounds of boots marching down the hall outside the door.An inspection of the cell reveals no cameras though she knows she must move quickly, regardless.It’s only a matter of time before Kylo Ren returns—most likely to take her to Snoke if he doesn’t decide to kill her instead.

 

The cuffs dampen her Force abilities so she must find another way out of this.She only has so many chances to attempt this so she carefully raises her cuffed hands to pull a pin from her hair.Luckily, they haven’t figured out how to make Force dampening cuffs without accessible locks.She knows they’ll undoubtedly be complicated but her years of having to survive alone have taught her a lot, including how to pick even the most difficult locks with little.Once she has the pin free and straightened enough, it doesn’t take long before the cuffs fall to the floor.

 

When the sounds of Stormtroopers recede far down the hall, she Force opens the door and carefully slinks over to it, peeking out to check for any other troopers or officers.It’s clear.She doesn’t know which cell Poe is being held in, though.That’s a big problem; she can’t leave without him.

 

Before she steps out into the hallway, she takes a breath and closes her eyes to reach out through the Force.Surprisingly, there aren’t many prisoners detained here.Perhaps she shouldn’t be surprised, though: Kylo Ren has a tendency to kill first and ask questions later. Regardless, it at least makes the task of finding Poe easier.She senses him two cells down and quickly makes her way there, remaining in a low crouch as she proceeds.

 

The sight that greets her when she opens the door to his cell makes her take in a quick breath: while she’s remained relatively unscathed through her imprisonment, Poe sports several bruises and cuts.It makes her gut twist with guilt— she had promised him Kylo Ren wouldn’t torture him again.She even made that monster promise.Perhaps she shouldn’t be so surprised that a homicidal maniac doesn’t keep his word.

 

Even with several injuries apparent, he immediately draws himself up to his full height as soon as he hears the door open.When he sees it’s her, he only marginally relaxes, though she notes how his chest still remains puffed out.She would roll her eyes at him for this unnecessary display but she can’t bring herself to when she feels responsible for his current state.Without much thought she rushes over to him, an appraising eye inspecting his visible wounds.

 

“What happened?He said he wouldn’t hurt you.”

 

“Don’t worry, Jedi— he didn’t.The Stormtroopers just roughed me up a bit after I made a crack at them.I’ve had worse.”He tries to smile as he speaks but it comes out more as a grimace.Rey frowns at him.

 

“Are you trying to kill yourself?”

 

“Clearly.No sense of self-preservation, me.”He grins wider at her, satisfied with himself.

 

“We don’t have time to deal with your injuries now— we need to get out of here.”

 

“I know.I hope you have a plan.” 

 

“I do…kind of.”Her eyes refuse to meet his; instead casting about the barren cell.

 

“That isn’t very reassuring, Jedi.”He sighs heavily and would run a hand through his hair nervously but he still remains cuffed.“Could you help me out with these?”He raises his hands in reference.

 

It only take a wave of her hand for them to fall to the floor with a clatter that makes them both wince.Hopefully nobody heard.Even though he hasn’t been wearing the cuffs for long, he still finds the feeling of unrestricted movement foreign and novel.

 

“What’s this plan you kind of have?”

 

“Let’s get out of these cells first before Kylo Ren comes back and then I’ll tell you.”

 

He sees her logic so he doesn’t argue, even when she insists on leading them down the hallway.Once they’re clear of the detention wing she ducks into a dark alcove and he follows.

  
“So what’s your plan, Jedi?”

 

Her eyes raise to his and she notes that while he’s all confidence and vibrato, anxiety rolls off of him in waves that crash into her like the waves on Ahch-to she used to watch meet the rocks.

 

“We have to deactivate the tractor beam in order for us to escape, otherwise they’ll just pull us right back in.If we just deactivate it in their system, they might be able to reactivate it before we even can take off.It’s best to actually mechanically disable it.It will take them longer to identify and repair.”

 

“Can we do that?”

 

“I can but it means I have to actually be down where it’s controlled so I can manually do so. When I do, there will probably be some sort of alarm that will sound, alerting the entire ship.It will need an override in the system.”

 

“And how will we do that?”

 

“Find a Stormtrooper that has that level of access.”

 

“And they’re just going to hand their access code over to us?

 

Rey shoots him a cocky grin.“Of course.”

 

He’s not sure what to make of that but she quickly jumps from their hiding spot into the hallway.There are two Stormtroopers heading toward them that aim their blasters at Rey upon seeing her.

 

“Halt, intruder!”The voice is modulated to sound mechanical and cold.It doesn’t seem to faze Rey, who stands before them with her shoulders straight and her gaze settled on them. 

 

“You will hand me your weapons and give me your access code to the alert system.”

 

Poe cringes, waiting for the inevitable blaster fire and ensuing crowd of Stormtroopers.Surprisingly, that’s not what happens.The troopers stand stock still for a moment before parroting her words back to her.

 

“I will hand you my weapon,” they both surrender their blasters, handle first.“And give you my access code to the alert system.”

 

“Which is?”

 

“Alpha eight two nine delta.”

 

“You will now leave and forget this ever happened.”

 

“I will now leave and forget this ever happened.”

 

Once they’ve continued halfway down the hall she waves Poe from where he still stands concealed in darkness.She offers him a blaster as he reaches her side, which he gratefully takes.

 

“That was pretty impressive.”

 

She looks up at him with a raised brow.“Is that a compliment, pilot?”

 

“Don’t get too excited.We still have to get out of here.Do you even know where the tractor beam is controlled?”

 

Her face becomes more self-satisfied.“Remember that the old Star Destroyers were my playground as a child and they couldn’t have changed that much so I have a good idea.You’ll need to find a station to access the alert system so you can manually override it.”

 

“Right.That will be simple.”His words drip with sarcasm.

 

She knows they don’t have time to waste bickering in the hall— it’s only a matter of time until Kylo Ren realizes they’ve escaped and comes looking for her.So instead of responding, she leads them down the hall, back toward where she believes the hangar is.It seems to be too simple that they have easily evaded any other Stormtroopers.

 

“How are we getting this lucky?We haven’t been caught again.Something is up.”

 

“You’re right, something is: I can sense them coming.”  
  
“Oh.”He hadn’t really considered that she could do that.

 

They come upon a desk area with a large screen and a keyboard.It’s not too far from the hangar as far as Rey can tell.

 

“OK, this should be able to get you into the system with the access code.I’ll take care of the rest.”She starts to walk away but Poe catches her wrist.

 

“Where are you going?”  


“I have to disable the tractor beam unless you want to wait around and see how hospitable Kylo Ren is the second time.”

 

“Right.Do you even know if what you need is here?”

 

“Yes— the tractor beam is controlled here.I’ve been through enough ships like this to know.”She walks over to the wall and wiggles a panel until it comes loose, revealing a gap large enough for her to crawl through.“So I’m going to figure out how to disable it.”

 

Before he can respond, she’s scurried through the gap in the wall and disappeared.By himself, Poe feels a creeping fear growing in him again.He turns around, his stolen blaster poised in case someone happens upon him.As the seconds tick by into minutes, he finds himself fidgeting more and moving around to check any area nearby that isn’t readily visible from his station.He’s about to consider following Rey when the alarm overhead begins to blare.

 

“Well, at least she knows her way around a tractor beam.”

 

He searches the main menu that’s up, quickly finding the control to turn off the alarm.The blaring stops and then there’s a voice coming from the comm on the desk.

 

“Station 647, please report on alarm.”

 

“False alarm.Situation normal.”He has no idea if that is what the person who would normally be stationed here would say; First Order protocols are not his specialty.

 

Anticipating Rey’s return, he collects himself, pushing away any anxiety.It wouldn’t do for Rey to sense such from him; he can’t stand that idea.If anyone had told him there would be a time he’d be happy to see the scrawny, irritating Jedi, he would have laughed at that person.The moment she pulls herself from the darkness and stands to replace the panel, however, brings him profound happiness and relief.He quells it though, lest she realize it and interpret it incorrectly.He’s just happy they can get out of here.

 

There’s not time for congratulatory sentiments so he skips straight to the point.“We’re going to have a lot of company soon if we don’t get out of here.”

 

“Right.Let’s go.”

 

Unconcerned now with being detected, they run down the hall and around corners, until the hangar is just as the end of the hall they’re currently in.They’re closing in, so close to freedom, when Rey can feel a dark presence prickling at the back of her neck.

 

“Rey!”The deep, loud, modulated voice causes her to stop in her tracks.

 

Poe stops, looking back at Rey, who is turned to look at the black clad, masked monster that stands about halfway down the hall.He can’t understand why she stopped—surely they could make a run for it still.Why does it seem that Kylo Ren always finds a way to muck up any plan?

 

“Rey,” Poe hisses desperately.She turns her head to meet his eyes.“Let’s go.”

 

Slowly she shakes her head.“No.Go find a ship and prepare it to take off.I’ll be right there.”

 

“Rey, no.”

 

“Go, Pilot!”

 

He grits his teeth, debating whether he should listen to her instructions.It’s useless to argue with her so he decides to do as she says, practically growling as he turns to go.There’s no way he can leave without her— Finn would never forgive him and neither would either the General or Jedi Master. Besides, she could have left him in his cell and saved herself but she took the time to find him and made sure he escaped with her, even though he’s certain that his injuries slowed them both down.

 

The Y-Wing isn’t anywhere to be found so he quickly dashes into a black cargo ship.He’s been one of the best pilots in the galaxy for over a decade— he’s sure he can fly this.As long as it has some sort of weaponry, it should be sufficient.He only pauses for a few seconds, considering the controls, before he starts flipping switches and pushing buttons to prepare it for flight. 

 

Once he’s programmed the navigation computer with coordinates for their light speed jump, he waits for the ship to warm up by walking back through the ship to look for trackers.He’s certain that the First Order places them on every ship and this one is no exception— he finds two and promptly destroys them.Satisfied he’s located all, he picks up his blaster and goes to stand on the ramp, ready to give cover for Rey if necessary.

 

She’d better hurry.


	3. Chapter 3

CHAPTER 3

 

Rey approaches Kylo Ren as though he’s an animal easily spooked.She stops ten feet away when she sees the red lightsaber come to life.The blue lightsaber of Anakin Skywalker hides, tucked in the waistband of her leggings, pressed against her back.Now she reaches for it, pulling it free and activating it before her.

 

“You broke your promise, Ben.”

 

“You mean the pilot?”

 

“Yes— you said you wouldn’t hurt him.”

 

“I didn’t.I can’t say what some Stormtroopers do when I am not present.”His helmeted head tilts to the left.“Why does this pilot matter so much to you?”

 

“He’s important to the Resistance.”

 

“Is that all?”  


“You promised me—“

 

“What I promised you does not matter.The pilot means little to me other than as a toy.”  


“I doubt much of anything matters to you.”  


“Destiny matters to me.”

 

Rey sets herself into a fighting stance, raising her lightsaber in a clear indication that she’s prepared for his attack that she knows is coming.

 

Kylo Ren brings his lightsaber down, crashing into hers and beginning the dance.Several times one of them comes close to severing a limb form the other.Rey knows she doesn’t have time for this; Poe is undoubtedly waiting for her to take off and a squadron of Stormtroopers could come across him at any moment and BB-8 is still unaccounted for.

 

“Face it, Ben, you can’t win this.”

 

“You know this is our destiny, Rey.”

 

“No, I don’t, and neither do you.”

 

“Look at where I come from, where you come from— we are meant to rule together from the dark side.”

 

“What a great rationalization you’ve constructed to excuse all your sins.”

 

She throws his weight off and spins so she’s behind him.Catching him by surprise, he doesn’t have any time before he crumples to the floor, unconscious.She feels guilty for using the Force to do it but that doesn’t last long when she hears the familiar chirps of BB-8.She motions the orange and white droid from behind the control console and over to her so they can make their way to Poe.

 

The hangar is brighter than she remembers it being when they arrived.There’s no sign of the Y-Wing and she realizes this is the wrong hangar bay.Her eye catches on Poe standing on the ramp of a cargo ship, making her curious.When she reaches his side she doesn’t hide her confusion.

 

“I don’t know where our ship is so this will do.Let’s go.”

 

She doesn’t need to be told twice so they both run on to the ship, headed for the cockpit.They both pause for a moment, silently feuding over who should pilot.

 

“I have a plan of where to go.”Poe blurts it out, even though that’s only mostly true.He knows it’s enough for her to acquiesce.

 

The ramp pulls up just as blaster bolts begin to bombard the ship from in coming Stormtroopers.Between the two of them it only takes a few more seconds before the ship lifts from the floor and turns, exiting the Star Destroyer hangar.

 

“You’ll want to hold on.”

 

True to his word, the ship dips and begins a roll to avoid the fire of TIE fighters.Rey almost falls out of her seat as he does this.

 

“Are we going back to base?”  


“Right now, Jedi, we’re going away from the TIE fighters.”

 

He punches several buttons and then it’s only another switch and a lever before they both see the stars blur around them.The blur of hyperspace surrounds them, replacing the chaos of TIE fighters.

 

“Where are we going?”She slouches back in the co-pilot’s seat as she asks.Poe doesn’t look up from what he’s doing.

 

“We can’t go straight back to base with a Star Destroyer potentially on our tail.We’re swinging around the long way to make sure we lose them.”

 

He groans in pain when he accidentally leans against the wall with his bruised side.

 

“We should treat your injuries now that we have some time.”

 

“I’m fine.”

 

“Sure.That’s why you clearly look like you’re in pain.”She tugs on the sleeve of his jacket as she heads out of the cockpit.“Come on, Pilot, don’t be too proud for logic.”

 

“Fine.” 

 

He sighs the word out and follows her through the ship to the small MedBay area.He takes a seat on the raised table, trying not to feel ridiculous that he’s under her scrutinizing gaze.It only take a few minutes for her to assess his wounds, with some prodding and making him take off his jacket and shirt to inspect his injured side.

 

She leans back, pursing her lips in a look of dissatisfaction.

 

“What is it?”

 

“Unfortunately for me, you’ll be fine.”He rolls his eyes at her as she reaches for the bacta pads.“Some bacta will fix you up and you’ll be able to keep annoying me and everyone else for quite a while.”  


“You know, not everyone finds me annoying.”

 

“Some people have bad judgment.”  


“If liking me is bad judgment then there are a lot of people with bad judgment in your opinion.A lot of women in particular.”He shoots her a toothy grin that she studiously ignores as she works.

 

It’s a couple hours before they’re within range of the moon they’re headed toward.

 

“So this is it?”She asks it once they’ve come out of hyperspace and the moon comes into view.  
  
“Don’t sound so disappointed.”

 

“I’m not. “And she doesn’t look at all disappointed. In fact it’s the opposite— she looks enraptured.“I’ve hardly been anywhere other than Jakku.”

 

For some reason that admission and the accompanying reminder of her life before she and Finn met make him uncomfortable.He busies himself with guiding the ship into the moon’s atmosphere in preparation for landing.Once on the moon’s surface they can trade the ship for another.Something feels off as they continue to descend, though, and he can’t figure out why.

 

“I have a bad feeling about this,” Rey voices from the co-pilot’s seat.

 

“Yeah, so do I.”

 

A TIE fighter suddenly passes them overhead, swinging around and then turning back toward them, head on.

 

“Shit.”Poe jumps into action, maneuvering to dodge the ship and the incoming fire.“We’re going to have to pull up and swing around the moon so we lose him.”

 

As he speaks, their ship begins a slow arc and gains elevation, taking them further from the moon’s surface.The view as they do so reveals more fighters waiting in their path.

 

“How did…” her words trail off, her mind searching for the right question.

 

“I don’t know.”He answers, not needing to hear the rest.

 

“Is there a tracker on the ship?”

 

“No— I destroyed all of them.”

 

“Are you sure?”  


“This isn’t the time to discuss this!”

 

A blast strikes the ship, rattling it from side to side.

 

“Shields?”Poe asks, hoping she understands.

 

“90% still.”She looks out at the several TIE fighters before them.“Though they won’t last long with all of them coming at us.”

 

“We won’t be here long.”

 

“What—“ the ship sharply turns upward, ascending much more quickly than it was probably built to.

 

Poe glances over at Rey.“We’ll level out in a few seconds and you’ll need to take over the controls.”

 

“What do you mean?”

 

“I know the coordinates of where we need to go and you don’t.”He stops for a moment, squeezing his eyes shut and opening them again.“Just do as I say for once!”

 

She huffs angrily but mumbles out a ‘fine’.They’re at too steep of an angle for her to rise from her seat so she’ll have to wait until they level out to move at all.

 

“When we stop ascending you’ll need to get over here immediately.Got it?”

 

“OK.” 

 

He starts to push the controls away from him, causing the ship’s angle to lessen.As the angle becomes less severe, they both unlatch their restraints and Rey pushes herself from her seat, readying herself.“OK, in 3, 2, 1…now.”

 

Rey springs from her seat, catching the control as Poe moves out of the pilot seat.As soon as she sits down she sees a TIE headed straight for them so she turns a sharp right just before a blast hits them.

 

“Geez, warn me next time!”Poe shouts from where he teeters, clutching the edge of the controls so he doesn’t topple over.

 

“There wasn’t time.”

 

“Yeah, of course there wasn’t.”He grumbles and sets about configuring the navigation.

 

“You should probably sit down if you don’t want to die.”

 

“Got it, Captain.”The words are sarcastic but he sits nonetheless.It’s a good thing he does because just then Rey dips the ship, narrowly avoiding a mag pulse.

 

“That was too close.”She’s talking to herself, really, but she’s sure Dameron heard her as well.

 

“As soon as I get these coordinates set we can make the jump to light speed.”

 

“Put your restraint on.”

  
“What?Why?”

 

“Just do it!”

 

It’s only half buckled when she starts the evasive roll that leaves the blasts from the TIE fighters racing past them.At the very last moment, though, one hits, jarring the ship.

 

“Shields at 75%.Are you almost done over there?”Rey asks as she quickly readies the ship to jump to hyperspace.

 

“Hold on…” Poe stares at the navigation computer with intense concentration and hits a few more keys with deliberate motions.“Yes.Punch it.”

 

The stars blur again, leaving them to the safety of hyper space.They glance at each other uneasily, both wondering what just happened.

 

“I’m gonna go check on BB-8.”Poe unbuckles his safety restraints as he announces it.As he moves to exit the cockpit he stops and looks back at Rey, clearing his throat as he does so.“You did good.”

 

Before Rey can respond, he hurries out toward where BB-8 is tending to some damaged circuits.The droid regards him with several chirps and beeps.Poe sits down near the droid before responding.

 

“Yes, we escaped.” Another set of trills and beeps respond.“She did well, I agree.”When BB-8 continues the high pitched dialogue, Poe sighs and runs a hand over his face.“You should go talk to her then.”

 

The droid rolls away with a gleeful trill, leaving Poe to his thoughts in solitude.With the adrenaline from combat draining from his system, he can feel weariness taking its toll.He can’t rest, however— not when they still potentially have First Order fighters waiting for them when they exit hyperspace.How the fighters are locating them is beyond his knowledge.

 

“I’m glad you were able to find us.We couldn’t have left without you.”Rey’s voice grows closer as she speaks with BB-8 happily.She stops a few feet from where Poe sits and regards him.“How do you think they’re finding us?”

 

“Honestly, I have no idea.I destroyed all of the trackers on the ship before you boarded.We should have lost them with our first jump to light speed even with Kylo Ren— the route around the moon was supposed to just be an extra precaution.I didn’t think they would actually find us there.”

 

She holds his gaze momentarily until her eyes widen for reasons unknown to him.“Trackers.”

 

Suddenly she pulls off her vest and inspects it before starting to do the same with her shirt.It’s so quick and frantic that Poe barely registers what she’s doing until the tanned skin of her stomach starts to come into view.He quickly turns his head away, shielding his eyes from what’s happening.

 

“Whoa, hey there, Jedi, give a guy some warning before you start stripping.If I had known you were this into me I would have—“

 

“Shut. Up.They must have put trackers on us while were were unconscious.”  


“Not on me.They didn’t knock me out.Could’ve only been you.”Carefully he peeks around his hand and once he’s sure she still has a shirt, turns back to face her fully.“If you’ll keep your clothes on, I’ll find the body scanner in the MedBay.It should be able to detect any implants.”

 

Her tanned cheeks redden with her embarrassment at her earlier frantic actions.She’s not used to such technologies.Before coming to the Resistance she hadn’t even really known of bacta.“OK.”

 

Poe returns a couple minutes later with a small device in his hand.“You should, uh, sit down for this.It’ll only take a minute.”Once she settles in a seat he begins moving the device along her arms with it hovering barely an inch from her flesh.Once he’s scanned both arms he clears his throat and steps back.“Hold your arms out to the side.They might have implanted it on the inside ofyour arm so it’d be more difficult to detect.”She complies and when the scanner is almost to the inside of her arm socket, it begins to beep.“Well, they certainly didn’t make it easy.”

 

“How do we remove it?”  


“It should just be below the skin.With a small cut it should come out.”

 

“I don’t think I can do it myself at this angle.”Her hazel eyes flick up to his, filled with uncertainty.

 

“I, uh,” he clears his throat again.“I can do it.Shouldn’t be that hard.”

 

“OK.”She whispers.

 

At least the First Order is very complete with their supplies in the MedBay.It’s surprising, really, since the Order doesn’t seem to value many living things, even finding their own Stormtroopers to be expendable.This ship must be used by people of at least some higher rank, Poe muses.It makes locating a small scalpel and disinfectant easy, along with bacta pads to cover the resulting wound.

 

When he walks back, he finds Rey sitting with her eyes closed, clearly meditating.BB-8 sits at her feet obediently.Poe wonders if she even realizes he’s there.His father used to tell him that when Luke meditated it was as if the whole galaxy fell away.When once one of the other pilots tried to catch Luke off guard while he was meditating, however, Luke had surprised everyone by freezing the pilot in his tracks before he could clobber the Jedi.Meditation must only block out so much.

 

“I can still sense people and thoughts, Pilot.My mind is merely focused and peaceful.” 

 

“Right.I’m just not used to someone meditating.”She doesn’t flinch or seem to even register his words.“It’s probably good your mind is at peace.This will hurt.”

 

“Pain is to be controlled and tolerated.I’m not worried, Pilot.”She half-opens one eye to look at him before snapping it shut again and returning to her breathing.

 

“OK.”He’s not sure what the protocol is at this point for what he’s about to do so he merely grasps her arm and repositions it so he can access the area where the implant is.“It will just take a little cut here.”

 

He stops talking, realizing that she probably is not paying attention to his words, which is just as well.The incision is small and he hopes he made it in the right spot.Second guessing himself, he picks up the scanner and only relaxes when it registers that the implant is, in fact, right next to the incision.He realizes he probably should have double checked that before cutting.HIs hand shakes as he moves to make a second incision perpendicular to the first. Her blood oozes from the wound more heavily so he dabs at it with a clean bandage.He carefully pokes at the area with his thumb and is oddly satisfied when he can feel the small, hard mass that must be the implant; it should be easy to remove now since the second incision cuts down the middle of it.

 

The only medical training he’s ever received is basic medical training to triage bleeding injuries and broken limbs temporarily until the person can be taken to a MedBay.That reality makes him pause— he really doesn’t know what he’s doing.Hopefully he isn’t doing some irreversible damage.He shakes himself back to reality.He does much more difficult and dangerous things every day.Also, this is the irritating girl he can’t stand— who cares what happens?

 

Feeling a renewed sense of confidence, he leans in to get a better vantage point and uses his finger tips to push and prod the implant until he can see the edge of it peeking through the incision point.Gingerly he grasps it between his thumb and index finger, taking care not to jostle it to the side and widen the wound.It almost surprises him how slowly and steadily he’s able to move as he pulls it from her flesh.As soon as it’s clear of her skin he places a piece of bandage on the wound and applies pressure.

 

“It’s out.”He announces it, finally looking over at her face.She merely looks back at him with a blank expression.“If you can just apply pressure to it for a moment, I can get the bacta and bandage ready to wrap it.”

 

She wordlessly nods and takes over holding the cloth to her arm.He works in silence, painfully aware of her eyes on him.It’s unnerving.He feels compelled to say something to fill the silence.

 

“You didn’t even flinch.That meditation stuff really must work.”

 

“Master Skywalker is an excellent teacher.”

 

“He must be.You seem very…attached to him.”Truthfully, he has no idea what compels him to say that.Commenting on her relationship with the Jedi— as odd as it appears to be— seems unnecessary since he doesn’t try to associate with her and they’re clearly not friends.

 

He moves her hand aside to start wrapping the wound.It doesn’t require looking up for him to know she’s watching intently and probably with a scowl.He makes a point of looking only at his work so he can avoid her gaze.

 

“You should stick with what you know about, Pilot, and I’m not something you know anything about.”

 

“Right.”As he looks up from her bandaged arm he crushes the tracker between his fingers.

 


	4. Chapter 4

CHAPTER 4

 

Their return draws more attention from the base than either of them could have anticipated.As soon as they touch down, a large crowd gathers to welcome them.Of course, part of it is probably due to the fact that they’re arriving in a First Order ship, though they had provided the requisite information and authentication of their identities to flight control so they could land in the first place.

 

BB-8 is the first down the ramp and charges straight into the crowd excitedly.Both Poe and Rey are slower in exiting, the latter adjusting the bandage on her arm and taking a deep breath before she forces her stiff limbs forward.A day and a half journey in the ship with Dameron has left her grouchy and joints aching from the confined space.The fresh air and openness of being back on a planet will revive her, she’s sure of it.

 

“Rey!”Finn rushes forward as soon as she steps on to solid ground, pulling her into a tight hug.“We thought the worst had happened to you both.”She swears she hears a sniffle before he pulls back to look at her.“Did he hurt you?”

 

“Who?”

 

“Kylo Ren.”

 

“No, he didn’t.”She smiles softly at her friend and his obvious concern for her.

 

“What happened to you?”Finn says the words in shock, taking in the remaining visible bruises Poe is sporting.

 

“Stormtroopers.Nothing I couldn’t handle.”Poe brushes it off and moves forward to slap Finn on the shoulder.“It’s good to see you again, though, buddy.”

 

“Well, now that you two have spent so much time together, I’m sure you’ll get along fine.”

 

Rey and Poe’s eyes meet, another silent challenge to add to the list.

 

“I think I’ve met the maximum I can handle of the Pilot.”

 

“You weren’t exactly a doll to get along with, either, Jedi.”

 

“I’m not a Jedi yet.”She corrects him quietly, almost hoping no one hears her.

 

“It’s only a matter of time until you are.”The deep, gravelly voice of her Jedi Master comes from behind her.

 

“Master Luke.”She turns to face the aging Jedi who wears a happy smile.He swiftly embraces her.

 

“I don’t think I was as worried as Leia and Finn were; I knew you would figure a way back.”

 

Luke pulls back then and seems to inspect her for injury, his hands resting on her shoulders.Suddenly feeling awkward, Poe decides to leave the two Force users to themselves and continue toward the main building with Finn.

 

“Skywalker’s lying; he was worse than Leia.Practically drove everyone nuts because he couldn’t sense her presence in the Force or something.”

 

“The two of them are very close.”

 

“They were on Ahch-To for two months.They must have gotten used to only having each other for company.”

 

“You think that’s all it is?”Poe shoots Finn a questioning look.

 

“Don’t be weird, Poe.He’s more than twice her age.”Finn glances over at his friend and sees him offer only a shrug in response.“Why do you care, anyway?”

 

“I don’t.It’s just something I noticed.”

 

Finn watches his friend for several more moments as they walk, a smile spreading his lips slowly.“OK.”

-*-*-

 

As it turns out, it’s not that difficult to avoid each other at least for a week.Poe throws himself into training new pilots and going on short missions close to base— General Organa’s idea after his prolonged departure— that are enough to keep him busy but not keep him from the base’s proximity.As much as he protests when the General announces his temporary restrictions, he feels a certain safety and security in the closeness.

 

Rey sticks to the Jedi’s side at all times, growing her skills and deepening her knowledge of the Force.Since Poe can’t find it in himself to look at the aging Jedi, it’s not difficult for him to not see Rey.When the General inquires after his sudden general unease, especially when her twin enters the same room, Poe is careful in his explanation that he generally feels uncomfortable with the Force.He knows that General Organa is Force sensitive so he restricts himself to only speaking of the Force itself in hopes that it will be less likely to offend her.

 

With the sage thoughtfulness she’s known for throughout the galaxy, she listens to his lame response.He can’t tell whether she truly and absolutely believes him or she’s just being sympathetic to his parents’ apparently known wariness of the Force despite their long friendship with both her and Luke.When he's done, she tells him of her own complicated feelings about the Force.He’s surprised when she speaks of being held prisoner and tortured by the evil monster who would turn out to be her father, even though the entire galaxy knows she’s Darth Vader’s daughter.It’s her bared confession of fear and skepticism, even of her own brother, after witnessing the incredible destruction and suffering that can be inflicted with the Force that gets to him.

 

“I cannot be sure of the value of an element of the galaxy that can be wielded to destroy life in such an extreme and widespread manner.That is one of the reasons why I have never accepted Luke’s invitations to train in its ways.”

 

Now he just feels guilty for ever going down this path.Couldn’t he have just told her that he can’t stand Rey’s presence instead of the half-truth that he supplied?He may not have wanted to confess his wariness of Luke’s relationship to Rey but he could have used the other truth he knows exists.It’s enough of an emotional drain that when one of his squad pilots asks if he wants to get a drink Poe blurts a ‘yes’ before the question has wholly fallen from the other man’s lips. 

 

He’d be content if he could confine himself to the detached haze of alcohol as long as he knows Rey’s on planet.

 

—*—*—

“You should come out for once.Please?”Finn’s practically begging her and Rey’s starting to feel her resolve crumble.

 

“But Finn, I hardly think Master Skywalker would—“

 

“Master Skywalker was young once, too, Rey.”The edge in his voice betrays the tired irritation that normally remains hidden beneath his calm demeanor.

 

“I still think he’d disapprove.”

 

“Just come have some fun.Ask for forgiveness; not approval.”

 

“Fine.”The eye roll that accompanies her response passes unnoticed by the former Stormtrooper, thankfully.

 

An hour later Rey and Finn walk into the living unit of someone who is clearly an officer, based on the spacious layout.It’s also the space of someone social or at least well known since it’s packed so tightly that Rey isn’t sure she and Finn can even fit through the door, much less hear each other over the roar of others’ conversations.

 

“Finn, I think this is a mistake;I should just go back.”

 

He catches her around the waist before she can dart out the door.“No, Rey.You need to learn how to be around other people.”He stares her down once she’s turned back to face him.He can see the fear in her eyes so he tries to sound gentle as he presses her.“I know you lived alone for years and then only with Luke.It must be difficult to be around so many people all the time but you need to get used to it; people want to know you and be around you.You’re a hero.People are grateful for what you’ve done.”

 

“I don’t want to be a hero to anyone.It’s too much.”

 

“Maybe you can let them adore you for just a few minutes.”

 

She lets her muscles relax and follows Finn deep into the throng of people, unsure how so many can stand the crush of others’ bodies in this way.They have so many amenities and luxuries so why would they choose such strange torture for themselves?She wants to do as Finn requested so she lets the thought go and focuses on the tranquility Master Luke has impressed upon her time after time.That’s the only thing that keeps her from overthinking everything up until when someone spills a drink on her.

 

“I’m so sorry.I can’t believe how much of a klutz I am.”He throws a bright yet sheepish smile at her as he sets his cup far away from her.“It’s a good thing I’m better at flying than I am with drinks around beautiful women.”

 

She takes in his dark hair and light blue eyes.He has only one dimple, making his smile appear slightly lopsided as he looks at her.There’s something about that making him imperfectly cute.It doesn’t quite sit well, though.

 

“Does that ever work?”

 

He almost seems to choke on his own tongue.“What?”  


“Your line.”She keeps her face blank, focusing on her breathing to do so.“Does your line ever work with women?”

 

He gapes at her a moment.“Most of the time, yes.Clearly not now.”He smiles at her again, this time with a deep blush accompanying it.“I should have thought better of it, given my audience.”

 

It’s her turn to be confused.Social interactions such as this are foreign to her— she’s used to assessing everyone and everything for threats but not for odd compliments.His sudden honesty changes their dynamic and she doesn’t understand why he believes he should have thought better of his line other than its obvious stupidity.Clearly there’s more for her to learn.

 

He either takes pity on her or believes it best to explain.“You’re a Jedi— everyone on this base knows that a Jedi can sense whether someone is being deceitful.It’s silly for anyone to think you wouldn’t know a pick up line easily when you hear one.”

 

She knits her brow at his response.It’s an interesting explanation.Apparently people have a lot of assumptions and ideas about the skills and perceived powers of Jedi.She has to remind herself that it was only a few short months ago that she believed outlandish myths about Luke Skywalker and the Jedi.Oddly enough, several of the myths she believed turned out to be true.What he’s saying isn’t exactly true— at least it isn’t for her.She’s not about to tell him that, though.

 

“I didn’t realize anyone here would know I’m training to be a Jedi.”

 

“Everyone knows who you are, Rey.”  


“Oh.”Finn had alluded to as much but hearing it bluntly from another brings heat to her cheeks.“I’m not used to that.I feel badly that I don’t know your name when you know mine.”  


“It’s OK; I’m Seth.”He awkwardly extends a hand out to shake hers.She grasps it with equal awkwardness, causing him to smile wider.“I’m a pilot in Blue Squadron— Poe is my squadron leader.”

 

“Oh.”Her voice drops with disappointed anticipation.He works with Poe and they’re most likely friends.This won’t go well.

 

He surprises her again with a laugh.“Poe charms most people but I’d heard there wasn’t any love lost between you two.Several of us have a pool on when he’ll finally tick you off enough that you send him flying into an X-Wing.”

 

Irritation bubbles toward the surface briefly before she tamps it down with the techniques Luke taught her.This pilot doesn’t know what he’s talking about but she shouldn’t react in an extreme just because he’s ignorant; that would go against what she’s been taught.So would be doing what the pilot suggests.

 

“A Jedi would never misuse the Force like that.Such actions belong to the dark side users; Jedi use the Force to protect the galaxy and its inhabitants— not to win personal quibbles.”

 

His eyes light with alarm, clearly suddenly recognizing his misstep. 

 

“Of course not.We don’t really think you would do anything like that.It’s just different to see Poe not taken in by every person around him.It’s refreshing, really.”He smiles gently at her then.“It gives the rest of us hope that we might actually have a chance.”

 

It takes a few moments for Rey to comprehend his meaning.Her cheeks begin to heat from the implication so she nervously shifts her gaze over the crowd, hoping to see Finn amongst the many bodies crowded around the room.She has no such luck.Unsure what to do, she decides to shift the conversation away from thoughts of Poe and any chances a pilot has with her.

 

“It’s strange to see so many people in one room like this.There’s so much space and are so many luxuries in the base.Why would so many people decide to spend their night crammed together like this?”

 

“You’re not very social, are you?”

 

“Jakku wasn’t a very populated planet and it certainly didn’t have much in the way of amenities.The life of a Jedi can likewise be solitary, at least it has been so far.”

 

“I heard it was just you and Skywalker on Ahch-To for months.”

 

“It was, until Finn and Poe came.”She meets his eyes again, wondering what could be going through his mind then.“And you’ve probably heard the rest.”

 

“Yeah, I think everyone has.”The discomfort at the allusion to the capture by the First Order is palpable.“But most people here are used to having so many people around and even like this— not just because of our time at the base, either.”

 

“Where are you from?”

 

“Correllia.”

 

Suddenly her western reaches origins make her feel backward, even if she knows she really has no reason.“Is everyone else from Core Worlds?”

 

“Just about, I think.That’s why we’re used to so many people around.Well, except for Poe, who is from Yavin 4, but he’s been in and out of bases practically his entire life.”Seth stops abruptly.

 

“Why do you know so much about Poe and talk about him so often?”

  
“Sorry, he’s my squadron leader so it’s hard not to.”He sighs and looks around.“It’s weird, isn’t it?”  


“A little.”She smiles at him sympathetically.

 

He holds her gaze for several moments before leaning in and finally asking, “You wanna get out of here?”Her hesitance doesn’t go unnoticed so he smiles shyly at her.“I promise I won’t talk about Poe anymore.And this way you don’t have to feel awkward around all of these people.”

 

She returns his smile, not at all unaware of what he’s really asking. 

 

“Sure.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi Everyone! Thanks for your patience-- I've been traveling on vacation for the past couple weeks so I'm just now getting back into the groove of things. This chapter is a bit shorter but I'll hopefully have the next one up soon!


	5. Chapter 5

CHAPTER 5

 

It’s still grey outside the next morning when she slips out of his bed and quietly dresses.Thankfully he doesn’t stir at all as she softly shuffles around his room and then slowly opens the door.He does shift as the hall light pours into the small space and Rey holds her breath briefly until he settles and doesn’t show signs of having woken.

 

The hallway is cold and bright but also helpfully deserted.At this early in the day that’s not surprising since usually Master Skywalker is the only other person who’s awake.Hopefully he hasn’t already stopped by her room and realized she’s not there— she doesn’t want to have to explain it to him.That thought makes her steps quicken.

 

The Jedi doesn’t say anything to indicate he knows his student didn’t sleep in her own bed the previous night, nor does he in the next several days even though each morning she sneaks across the base to change before training.She’s not naive enough to believe he hasn’t happened upon her empty room at least one of those mornings; he’s just decided to not raise the topic to her.She’s grateful for that because she can’t imagine the intense mortification that would accompany the conversation.Every time she thinks of it she cringes inwardly.Her luck has continued to hold out each morning that she’s not discovered, so she puts it from her mind temporarily.

 

But her luck does run out, at least somewhat, one morning when she comes across Poe in the hangar on her trek home.She immediately hates the knowing smirk he wears as his eyes rake over her disheveled appearance in the red and orange streaks of early morning light.

 

“I’d heard you tend to skulk around in the early hours.I didn’t realize I'd get to witness it.”He leans casually against the side of an X-Wing, his hands twisting in a shop cloth in an effort to remove oil and grease from them.His eyes continuously dance with laughter— at her expense, no doubt.“What's a Jedi doing, scurrying through the hangar before the sun is even up?”

 

“Well, what are you doing here?”She deflects as she self-consciously crosses her arms over her chest, trying not to let her unease show.

 

His responding smile looks positively predatory and that's what alerts her that she’s made an egregious error. 

 

“I come out here to work on the ship when I’m avoiding a clingy woman.”His eyebrows raise in challenge to her.“And you?”

 

“I like to walk alone for a while before training begins.” 

 

Confusion— or at least mock confusion— colors his features as he looks again at her attire. 

 

“You're wearing the same thing you were last night.”

 

“What are you talking about?”

 

“You were wearing that outfit last night.”

 

“I wear the same thing every day.”

 

“Not that outfit.”He’s right, of course— she’s not wearing her usual training garb.“You were wearing that last night.”  


Her mind lights in terror.“No I wasn’t.”

 

“Yes, you were.I saw you at Eldon’s party last night and you were wearing that same outfit.Did you fall asleep in your clothes?”His voice raises in obvious mockery as he asks a question that he clearly already knows the answer to. 

 

“It’s not any of your business but yes.”

 

He leans forward then, his arms crossed over his chest as he slightly invades her space.

 

“I don’t believe you.”She doesn't immediately respond so he continues.“Your Jedi Master asked me over an hour ago if I’d seen you recently.Apparently you weren't in your room when he stopped by it this morning.”His eyebrows raise again at her, meaningfully.

 

“I’ve been walking for a while.I like to wait and change afterwards for training.That's all.”Poe continues to give her an incredulous look.She avoids his eyes.“Did Master Luke seem upset when you saw him?”

 

He arches one eyebrow at her question.“He seemed worried.Why?Is there something you don’t want him to know?”

 

Her face darkens with irritation.It really is astounding how easily he gets on her nerves.She had almost forgotten over the past week since she didn’t have to see him.It was too good to last.Just a few short minutes in his presence and it comes rushing back. 

 

“How do you know what I was wearing last night at Eldon’s?”She knows changing the subject isn’t very likely to work on Poe but she tries anyway.

 

He furrows his brows at her.“I was there.How else would I know?”When she looks at him with slight concern, he can’t help but roll his eyes.“It wasn’t like I was there just to find you— I just happened to see you while I was talking with Eldon.If I remember correctly, you were talking with Sashi.”He smirks at her as he continues.“Aren’t Sashi’s quarters on the other side of the hangar from yours?Were you just happening to walk by his quarters this morning on your stroll?”

 

She’s stuck.They both know it.He might as well have said it out loud. 

 

“Shut up, pilot.”The hangar immediately fills to the brim and echoes with his riotous laughter.It only makes it worse, unsurprisingly.“I said shut up, pilot.”He shows no signs of stopping so she continues.“Have you seen Master Luke since he talked to you?Did he say where he was headed?”

 

“I assume wherever Jedi go to wait for their delinquent students.”His laughter continues to sprinkle amongst his words as it settles.“Is there a special punishment for Jedi who purposefully hide their sexual entanglements from their Masters and lie to them each day?”

 

“I’m not lying to anyone!”

 

“Then why are you worried about what Master Luke thinks? Why is it his business?Or why do you care about him knowing that you’re acting like any young person would on a base?He was your age when he joined the Rebellion— it seems like he’d understand your wandering eye even if he doesn’t like it.”

 

Something about his statement sits uneasily in the pit of her stomach.“He’s my Jedi Master— there are some things he doesn’t need to know.”She leaves it at that and walks away for good measure before he can reply.

 

-*-*-*-

 

He’s in a positively thunderous mood for the remainder of the day after his morning encounter with Rey.He can’t account for it other than her usual knack for irritating him.He’d managed to avoid her for the last several days and had been fine up until he saw her trying to sneak back from Sashi’s quarters.

 

Refocusing his energy, he pushes the confusing thoughts and feelings aside in favor of rechecking his ship and the orders for the day’s mission.It works so well at distracting him that he becomes completely engrossed in his tasks and almost misses BB-8 when the small droid rolls up with a series of happy whirs.It’s not until the droid knocks into Poe’s shin that he looks down to address the droid’s happy chirps.

 

“If you want to talk to Rey you should do it now, BB-8; we’ve gotta be in the air soon.” 

 

The beeps and chirps come more quickly as the droid rocks back and forth before its owner. 

 

“I don’t know where she and Skywalker train.General Organa might.You can go ask her and find Rey but be quick, OK?I can’t delay a mission because you’ve rolled off to find the galaxy’s most irritating being just because you’ve decided she’s nice to you.” 

 

BB-8 issues a series of disappointed whirs and something that sounds suspiciously like the droid spitting raspberries before rolling back from its owner by a few feet.It’s clearly been around R2 too long.Nevertheless, it’s enough to cause Poe to feel guilty over his words.

 

“I’m sorry, BB-8.I’m not myself today.I didn’t mean what I said, buddy,I know Rey saved you— she saved us both.Go find her, buddy; I’ll wait for you.”

 

The little droid rolls away, calling back a series of happy and grateful chirps as it does so.Poe knows he has to get himself together.All missions, even the easy or short ones, are dangerous.They’re going into a dangerous situation and he has to keep his wits about him so he doesn’t lead his squadron to a violent death.He doesn’t have time for foolish and childish distractions— none of them do.

 

—*—*—*—

 

“Alright, we have our orders: get in, get out, go home.We’re air support so we’ve got to keep any TIEs away from our main ships.Watch out for those little assholes— they’re pretty good at appearing out of nowhere just in time to hit ya.Keep a sharp eye on your twenty.”

 

“Got it, Black Leader.”

 

“Copy, Poe— let’s go get ‘em, boss.”

 

“Stay in loose formation until my mark.”

 

It’s only a few brief moments before they are being swarmed by TIE fighters.The pilots continuously beat them back until the group of TIEs breaks and the ships scatter. Poe’s still yelling orders and formations into the comm angrily as he watches the dark cloud of fighters dissipate.  


“They’re pulling back, Commander.We’re in the clear.”Jessica Pava offers calmingly through the comm.

 

“Yeah, they’re pulling back to re-group and attack again.Stay in formation around our ships and stay vigilant.They want to catch us by surprise and I ain’t having it.”

 

“Yes, sir,” Jessika responds more quietly this time.

 

“Don’t take it personally, Jessika— Poe’s just mad that he’s actually been rejected for once,” Seth, the newest pilot, adds.

 

Poe can’t figure out what Seth could be talking about.

 

“You’re just gloating because you want an excuse to tell everyone you slept with her.”Jessika responds with a scoff at Seth’s childish jab.

 

“Hey, it’s not every day a Jedi Apprentice ends up in a man’s bed.”

 

Poe practically has to check that his comm is working correctly because he can’t believe he’s hearing this conversation over it.On a mission.In the middle of a combat zone.Where they could all very possibly die.  


“Seth,” Snap finally addresses the newest member of the squad.

 

“What?”

 

“Shut up. No one wants you clogging up the comm with updates of where you stick your dick.”

 

“But it was a pretty unique experience this time.”

 

“Enough!”Poe’s voice rings out louder and angrier than he intended.“Shut up and pay attention to your damn job.”  


The comm falls silent, thankfully.It’s just in time for the remainder of the TIE fighter force to re-emerge in a smaller, but still very lethal, dark swarm.

 

“Hold positions until my mark, then move to a loose, scattered formation. They’re trying to pull us out and we’re not goin’.”

 

It’s only a few moments after he’s issued his order before he sees in his peripheral vision the form of Seth’s X-Wing peeling off and flying directly toward the fighters.

 

“Seth, what are you doing?”Snap’s voice sounds almost as irritated as Poe feels in this moment.

 

“Taking the fight to them, Snap!Why wait for them to come to us?”The words sound arrogant and fool hardy.

 

“Because your commanding officer ordered you to stay in formation, pilot.”Poe spits out, fully cognizant that the way he pronounces ‘pilot’ derisively is reminiscent of a certain brunette Seth had just been talking about.“You are disobeying your commanding officer.”

 

The line from Seth’s X-Wing goes dead, clearly having been turned off by the young pilot.Poe understands the pilot’s arrogance and impatience— he really does— he had once been like that as a new pilot.With time and many close calls he’s developed the judgment that accompanies such and the patience to execute complicated strategic battle plans.He had never, however, as a new pilot, disobeyed a direct order from his commanding officer like this.He might now but not back then.

 

Even if the guy is an idiotic child, Poe can’t let him get obliterated, which is what’s about to happen.With a groan he adjusts to peel off from the squadron and follow Seth.

 

“Snap, take control of the squadron— I’m going after our rogue pilot.”

 

“Copy, Black Leader.I’ll keep everyone in one piece until you can rejoin us.”

 

Poe momentarily turns off the microphone of his comm so he can mutter to himself in privacy.Ahead of him he sees Seth pursuing a fighter that appears to have wandered off on its own like Seth did.The remaining TIEs rush toward the Blue and Red Squadrons and the Resistance ships meanwhile.Poe knows instantly that Seth is flying into a trap so he pushes forward as quickly as he can to catch up with the wayward pilot.

 

As he closes in on the other X-Wing, shooting down several TIEs in the process, he sees Seth encounter a group of fighters.They’ve clearly been waiting for their comrade to lead Seth to them.They waste no time before swarming the ship.

  
The younger pilot might as well be a sitting target with this many enemy fighters on the attack.Poe defaults to the drills and maneuvers he’s spent so many years perfecting to the point of them being reflexive.Methodically he picks the TIEs off the besieged X-Wing, shooting them down before they can land fatal blows on Seth’s ship.In the process, Poe does manage to take a few blasts and his shields aren’t as strong as he’d like but he can’t leave his fellow pilot behind.

 

“Poe, we’re being recalled.”It’s Snap’s voice that pulls Poe from his concentrated assault on the remaining few TIEs as he’s shot at and flown past the fighters once again in an attempt to lure the remainders away from Seth.

 

“Snap, you have control of the rest of the squadron.Get out of here— Seth and I will be right behind you.”

 

“Copy that.”He can tell that Snap wants to protest but wisely decides not to.

 

It takes a few more passes and evasive rolls before Poe finally eliminates the last fighter.When he does, he hails Seth on the comm, hoping the pilot has turned it back on, and is satisfied when the younger man answers with a ‘yes, sir?’

 

“Set your nav computer for return to base and prepare for the jump to light speed.”

 

“Yes, sir.”A few moments of silence pass and Poe decides to let them be as he waits.“Ready, sir.”

 

“Let’s go.”

 

 

He’s fit to be tied by the time he lands; he can’t recall being this mad at someone in his life; not even her.The entire flight back, BB-8 had tried to talk Poe down from his anger but was ultimately unsuccessful.It’s not surprising then that Poe looks practically feral when he sets his feet on the tarmac at last.

 

The moment he sees Seth standing with his helmet in hand, Poe rips his own from his head and stalks toward him.The reckless child has the gall to be laughing and joking with another pilot— Poe is about to explode with that thought.Snap falls into step next to Poe, chattering as they walk, focusing on literally anything else.Poe hasn’t noticed but by the time he’s in close proximity to Seth, every member of both squadrons and most of the ground crew have gathered to watch what is about to transpire.

 

“Pilot.”Poe doesn’t bother with niceties— the single word barked toward Seth is enough to grab the younger man’s attention.

 

Seth’s eyes snap to Poe and he turns to stand so he’s directly facing his commander.The pilots and crew Seth had been laughing with moments before now look as terrified as if this was their own personal judgment day.The offending pilot, however, looks relatively unfazed, which truly angers Poe infinitely more.

 

“Pilot, you disobeyed a direct order from your commanding officer.Your actions put yourself and your squadron in danger and compromised your mission.You will report to the General for disciplinary action.Am I clear?”

 

“Yes.”He sounds almost bored, which pulls at the barely caged beast that is Poe’s unexpected rage.

 

Poe steps forward so he is barely a meter from the younger man. 

 

“And I am requesting the General remove you from my squadrons— you will no longer be under my command.I have no use for reckless children who cannot follow basic orders.”

 

The man’s eyes bulge slightly at Poe’s announcement. 

 

“But, Commander Dameron, you’re the commander of all the squadrons.”

 

“I’m aware.”

 

“So I won’t be able to fly?”

 

“That’s not my problem.”

 

He turns to leave the young man and begin the necessary process for the pilot’s discipline.He stops before he can take a step, however, when he hears the pilot’s voice again.

 

“Is this about the Jedi girl?”Poe’s hands ball into fists.Snap eyes his friend warily as though he’s warning the Commander not to do what he obviously wants to.“You just need to get laid so you’re less of a high-strung ass.If I had known she had you so put out, I would have put in a good word with her for you.Not that I blame you, like I said, she _is_ a hot piece of—“

 

Seth doesn’t get to finish his thought as Poe pivots to face the pilot and swings his right arm in one fluid motion so his right fist connects with Seth’s jaw.The sting and throb that results in Poe’s knuckles is worth it to watch the young pilot stumble to the ground in pain and surprise.

 

Poe doesn’t wait for the other man to recover or speak before he’s pointing at the pilot with the helmet that has remained in Poe’s left hand the entire time.

 

“That ‘piece of ass’ you’re talking about, saved my life.Without her, I would be dead.Without her, I wouldn’t have been there to save _your_ moronic ass on our mission.Without her, you’d be dead right now instead of making stupid jokes with your friends.So next time you want to talk about her— to brag, criticize, or joke about her— you should remember that without her you wouldn’t exist and instead keep your kriffing mouth shut.And that is a direct order, pilot.”

 

With that, he turns on his heel and stomps into the main building.Once he’s reached the storeroom where extra parts are kept, he sinks down on to a pallet with his head in his hands.BB-8 is quickly there, beeping at him the hazard that will be Rey’s reaction when she hears about what happened.

 

“I know, BB-8.We’re not going to tell her about it, though, and hope that everyone else keeps quiet as well.”

 

The skepticism from BB-8comes out as a rushed mix of beeps and whirs that stop only when Finn steps into the room and crouches before his friend.

 

“Don’t worry; I won’t tell her.”Poe raises his eyes at the sound of Finn’s voice, hope blossoming within them for the first time this day.

 

“Thanks, buddy.Now everyone else just has to stay quiet.”

 

“Snap is impressing it upon the crew and pilots the importance of never speaking of your confrontation again, especially in front of any Force user.He’s very persuasive.”

 

Poe breathes a sigh of relief.“Thank you.I’ll have to take Snap out for a few drinks sometime soon.”He runs a hand over his face and through his hair as a complication hits him.“I’ll have to tell the General about all this.She’s not going to be happy about what I did.”

 

“She’s very close to Rey.I doubt she’ll be as mad as you think.”

 

“Thank the maker for that.”


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes! It's an update! Sorry it's taken so long. I was traveling on vacation and then swamped with work and school when I came back. I'm off to go galavant some more but hopefully will have another update for you all when I get done!

When she first hears about the mission she both loves it and hates it.Well, at least the part of the mission that clearly will require a Force user.She loves how straight forward it is: take the stolen First Order ship.Sneak onto First Order Star Destroyer — The Finalizer— where Snoke will be.Kill Snoke.Capture or kill Kylo Ren and General Hux if at all possible.Get out.There are some holes to fill in still but she knows they will get worked out.She hates that she knows killing Snoke will require a Force user and that Master Luke will most likely insist that it be him given her relative inexperience with her burgeoning powers.He’ll also object to the idea of her killing anyone given the Jedi Code and the fact that it leads down a dangerous path.

 

At the same time as the attack on Snoke takes place, the Resistance will provide ground and air reinforcement to key worlds throughout the galaxy that will be initiating uprisings.These also happen to be worlds that provide vital resources to the First Order in the way of raw materials and manufactured weapons and ships.To rob the Order of these worlds’ forced cooperation is to cripple the military giant for years, giving the Resistance enough of a window to potentially defeat and dismantle the entire force with minimal loss of life.

 

The timing of the uprisings will also ensure that the task of removing Snoke isn’t complicated by the Supreme Leader having access to many of the Order’s forces and resources.If he did have access to all of that, it would make killing him extremely difficult— even impossible— for even a Jedi with a full set of fighters as support to accomplish.Really, the plan is brilliant in many ways.Without a leader and their main supply lines, the First Order will be thrown into chaos, especially if the Resistance is successful in capturing both Kylo Ren and General Hux.

 

She has no doubt that Luke will have her assist with the uprisings while he pursues Snoke.There’s little hope in her mind that he’ll hear reason from her.While the Jedi is calm and thoughtful, he’s also still incredibly stubborn, which makes any attempt to persuade him a losing battle.She wonders, however, if the General, while similarly known for her stubbornness, will be more easily moved in this instance.

 

“General Organa, can I have a moment?”Rey tries to make her voice sound as confident as possible as she stands in the older woman’s doorway.

 

“Rey, you don’t need to call me that.”The General holds Rey’s gaze as she speaks, her eyes imploring and warm to the young Apprentice.She had, in fact, tried previously to dissuade Rey from using the formal address.

 

“Yes.I meant Leia.Can we talk?”

 

“Of course; come in.”Leia motions to a chair near her desk but Rey simply steps forward to stand before her.

 

“I want to talk to you about the upcoming mission.”Leia looks surprised at Rey’s words— the mission hasn’t yet been released publicly to the base.Rey notices the General’s confusion.“Finn told me about your conversation.”

 

Since his defection and the destruction of Starkiller base, Finn has become something of a First Order expert to the Resistance, providing protocols, tactics, and standard strategies for engagement.It’s not uncommon for the ex-Stormtrooper to be consulted on plans for his extensive knowledge of the Order’s inner workings.Between him and several Resistance infiltrators amongst the First Order’s ranks, they’ve been able to gain vast amounts of knowledge that have proven time and time again to be critical to missions’ successes.

 

“What about the mission, Rey?”

 

“I want to be the person assigned to confront Snoke.”She can sense the older woman’s immediate want to protest so she quickly and steadily barrels forward.“It has to be a Force user who does it.I know Master Luke will volunteer for the assignment and yes, he will have strong reasoning for it but there’s also good reason for him to not be the one to confront Snoke. 

 

“Specifically, Kylo Ren hates Master Luke and has vowed to kill him; that will make the mission much more difficult for Master Luke because Kylo Ren will be set in seeking his death.Kylo Ren, while certainly regarding me as an enemy, has more motivation to recruit me than kill me.My recent confrontation with him on the Star Destroyer proves that he is more interested in keeping me alive than killing me.It’s similar with Snoke.I can use that to my advantage much more effectively than Master Luke can use Kylo Ren and Snoke’s hatred of him.”

 

“I agree with you, Rey.”Leia breaks in before the Apprentice can delve further into her reasoning, seeing no reason to prolong the young woman’s anxiety.“Luke does as well— he knows that you need to be the one to confront Snoke.He was set to talk with you about it today before we brief the base on the plan.”

 

Rey’s so surprised that she loses her grasp on speech momentarily.Quickly, though, she collects herself.“Thank you.There is one additional thing I want to ask of you.”

 

“What is it?”

  
“I think it is best if this is a solitary mission— sending anyone else will be a drastic endangerment to the person’s life and unnecessary.Every fighter and pilot will be needed in the uprisings; I can do this alone.”Rey’s aware that this is a large request— she’s not only asking for her Jedi Master to not assist her but also that they not send a team to provide cover and support for her.

 

She’s surprised when Leia doesn’t respond with an immediate no and instead sits in silence.After several moments of it, Rey turns to leave, passing a man she doesn’t recognize who is wearing the uniform of a Captain’s rank as he strides into the General’s office.It’s not long after that she hears the General ask for the Captain to find Commander Dameron.

 

 

True to Leia’s words, Luke finds Rey and tells her he believes that she needs to face Snoke— that it is her destiny and part of her path to becoming a Jedi.He knows she must confront the Supreme Leader without her Jedi Master, even though she can tell it pains him to have to say the words.It’s not long after that the General calls both Luke and Rey, along with the officers, into a briefing of the mission that will launch the next morning with her departure.

 

The room is packed with officers of various rank as well as the Jedi and his Apprentice.Everyone’s attention is focused on the holo projector around which they’ve gathered.Finn stands nervously next to General Organa as they walk through the plan for the uprisings and the necessary ground and air teams to make it happen, calling through the various officers who will lead them.When Leia comes to the next piece of the plan, she hesitates for several deep breaths before launching into an explanation of the necessity of removing Snoke from power now in order to effectively cripple the First Order and head toward totally dismantling it.

 

Finn already knows of this plan but when the General announces that Rey will be the sole being assigned to this mission, his expression turns to a glower.In all of the rush this afternoon she had forgotten to tell her closest friend of this development and, clearly, so had the General.He most likely assumed that Luke would be assigned to the mission.Finn’s eyes snap to hers, inflicting intense guilt to her core.She’s so focused on his apparent hurt and her accompanying guilt that she doesn’t notice the objections being raised by some of the officers— particularly one Poe Dameron who stands across the room from her clad in his now-usual brown jacket.

 

“With all due respect, sending one person without any backup into the middle of a First Order Star Destroyer is a suicide mission, General, no matter if the individual is Force sensitive or not.Even with the uprisings pulling the First Order’s resources from the Star Destroyer, an individual stands little chance.”

 

“What more of a chance do two people really stand over one?”Rey’s feelings minutely flair with the perceived insult as she speaks, causing Luke to discretely touch her arm in a reminder to remain calm.

 

“Well, with two people at least you cut your chances of being the one who dies from a single blaster bolt in half.”He smirks at her with the jest, setting her blood boiling in irritation.“Not to mention that it’s going to be difficult to capture two war criminals alone.”

 

“That’s all well and good, Commander Dameron, but even if a second person were to be added, it would require a highly trained and qualified volunteer and I don’t believe anyone is offering themselves.”General Organa provides the observation with an air of challenge.

 

The room sits in silence as the moments tick by painfully.Rey is about to mark this as a settled matter when she hears a shuffle of movement from across the room.

 

“I’ll go,” Rey’s jaw almost hits the floor as she sees Poe’s hand raise.Never would she have expected him to volunteer for a mission like this with her of all beings.She almost says as much before he catches her eye and continues speaking.“You’ll need a good co-pilot who can manage on their own when needed.And thanks to our accidental stay before, I’m acquainted with where we’re going.”

 

“It’s settled then.”The General adds quickly before Rey can launch a full protest.

 

The room clears out of all but the two of them, the General bringing up the tail end of the group with a glance back at the two young fighters and a comment about leaving them to plan.Rey would rather leave with the group but Poe stands between her and the door.She settles for at least crossing the room so she’s standing directly in front of him.

 

“You don’t have to do this.”

 

“I know.”

 

“Then why are you?”

 

That’s a good question.He’s not entirely sure himself.

 

“Look, I’d likely be dead if you hadn’t gotten me out of there; if you hadn’t prioritized my life over your own.It looks like I owe you one.”

 

He grimaces inwardly at his own words as soon as he’s said them; they were the absolutely wrong thing to say to her.Anger bubbles just under the surface of her calm demeanor.Now she can’t help thinking that it was just out of some stupid, misplaced sense of debt that he volunteered for this.Her eyes narrow at him.

 

“Don’t worry-- I don’t count things like that.You don’t owe me anything so you don’t have to do this.I can handle it on my own.”

 

“Wait, I--”

 

“Just don’t, OK?You and I have never really done well with each other so let’s just leave it be and not make it any worse, shall we?” 

 

She moves to exit but he’s still standing between her and the door.He shifts to block her and begins to reach his hand out to touch her arm but thinks better of it at the last moment, dropping it back to his side.

 

“That didn’t come out right.Let me try again?”She wants to say no but then his eyes are locked on hers, silently pleading for her to give him even a moment more, something so uncharacteristic for him, so she finds herself reluctantly nodding.“I know you can handle it alone but I want to come with you because you could use a second person despite that.You don’t have to always bear the burden all by yourself.”

 

They’re both silent for moments dragging into minutes, staring at each other.Neither one wants to back down from the unspoken challenge between them that has existed since the day they met.It seems as though they’ll remain there all day, caught in this futile competition, but then he breaks it by clearing his throat.

 

“Look, Snap is taking command of my squadrons for this so I’m going to come with you whether you like it or not-- the only difference will be whether we’re in the same ship.”

 

“The General won’t--”

 

“The General won’t care.I’m our best pilot and you’re our best warrior and our best hope of killing him and winning this thing.You and what you can do are frankly too valuable to us for you to go off on your own, even if you can handle it; it’s not worth the risk just like it’s not worth the risk for me to go off on my own anymore, either.We’re better off working together and the General knows it.Why do you think she jumped so quickly at my offer to go with you?”

 

Damn him, she knows he’s right.It’s not as if the General had waited to hear her objections before setting the change of plans in stone and it wasn’t as if she had been thrilled when Rey had approached the General and told her of what she must do and that she would do it alone.She had interpreted the General’s pensive silence that followed as agreement and admission that her plan to pursue the mission alone was the best change of course.Really, though, it had been the older woman knowing that arguing with the young Jedi Apprentice would be useless at that moment.

 

“Fine.”The fight drops out of her shoulders with the single word that she spits out at him.It feels like a failure, somehow, to agree to this.

 

“Thank you.” 

 

He blinks at her, his eyes shining with a strange sincerity that she’s never seen on him before.The idea that he’s thanking her surprises her more than anything else in this conversation.It’s enough to leave her speechless as he turns and exits, quickly climbing up the staircase.

 

Fine, she doesn’t like it but she will deal with it since she doesn’t have a choice.Having another trained, capable fighter with her won’t hurt, either, so long as he pulls his own weight.Begrudgingly, she has to admit that he is a good pilot and if she actually liked him she would probably gladly welcome him on a mission with her.She reminds herself that she doesn’t like him, though, and that fact makes this situation difficult and irritating.Ultimately, she’ll have to ignore him as much as possible-- ignore the way he bothers her and the way his presence makes her react so unpredictably at times-- so that they can finish their mission.There will be plenty of time to bicker with each other after it’s all over.

 

Her limbs feel heavier, more tired, than they did when she entered the briefing room with everyone else and it takes more concentration than it should for her to place one foot after the other on the steps to ascend to the ground level.Finn is waiting for her when she reaches the top, a nervous expression painted across his face.It’s been his most frequent look since she returned and she quietly wonders if this is what it’s like to have a well-intended, protective brother.

 

“You didn’t tell me about your mission.”

 

“I didn’t.”

 

“When were you planning to tell me?When you were buckled in the pilot seat of the ship, taking off?”More than concerned, he’s angry.She’s not sure which is worse.

 

“I’m sorry.I didn’t know how to tell you; I didn’t want to make you worry like you are right now and then the General called the meeting quicker than I thought she would.I imagined I would have more time to figure it out.”

 

“Well, you didn’t.Maybe you should forget to figure out saying goodbye, too, because I won’t be there to see you off.”

 

He storms away angrily and Rey can tell by the way he does so that she shouldn’t pursue him; he needs to be alone with his bitter feelings toward her right now.She feels terrible: he had come back to rescue her at Starkiller, even though she didn’t really need it, and she knows his worry is the result of well intended protectiveness.It is just a large leap for her to be integrated into someone’s life that way after living in relative solitude for so long.

 

As much as she knows she can’t blame him for his reaction, it doesn’t mean that it will stop her from feeling miserable about it and for herself.What she needs is a distraction, which is what leads her to the tarmac with all of the X-Wings and the stolen cargo ship.There, at home in so many ways, she dives in to the comforting world of ship mechanics.

 

It’s not until much later, after the sun has sunk in the sky, that Poe finds her sitting on top of the cargo ship, staring out in to the darkness.Why he came out here is still unclear other than a part of his mind pushed him to come check on the ship they would be flying tomorrow on their mission.Similarly, he finds himself scaling the side of the cargo ship without much forethought.It barely registers to him that he’s done it until he’s sitting next to her.

 

“How did you manage to scramble up here?”He looks at her appraisingly once he’s settled next to her, fighting to calm his breath enough for the words to come out even.It’s best if she doesn’t realize how much he had to exert himself to get up there.

 

“I scavenged for years, Pilot.I can scale, scramble, climb, and navigate just about any space or obstacle possible.When your life depends on it on a daily basis you learn quickly.”The words aren’t unkind but they aren’t welcoming either.

 

“I bet.”He hadn’t really considered her previous life or the affects of it much before.The awkward silence that usually dominates their time together that isn’t filled with arguing begins to creep back in so he actively fights it.“What are you doing out here, anyway?”

 

“I needed something to distract myself so I came and fixed the X-Wings and this ship as well.Everything is in perfect working order now.”

 

“Wow, that’s a lot of work for one person in one day.I’m impressed.”He thinks how to broach his next topic for a moment before diving in.“I saw Finn earlier; he told me what happened.I know he’s upset but he’ll calm down and come see us off, I’m sure.He’s just worried and upset to see you go.He cares about you a lot.”

 

“I know.”The words are barely above a whisper but they still count.

 

Later, when he looks back at this conversation in coming hours, he won’t understand what possesses him to add what comes next.

 

“You and Master Luke are very close.”

 

“You don’t know what you’re talking about, Pilot.”

 

“I’m sure he will be sad to see you go as well.He seems to care for you a lot.”

 

Her eyes turn to his with an angry glint growing in them that seems to also be mixed with confusion.Suddenly, however, understanding blossoms in her mind and on her face, quickly followed by shocked repulsion.

 

“That’s disgusting!”She exclaims it a bit too loudly and when Poe just looks back in confusion she realizes she’ll have to elaborate.“He’s my father.”

 

“Oh.”Suddenly a lot more things make sense.“I’m sorry, then.I assumed… now it just feels weird.”

 

“Don’t worry about it; it wouldn’t be the first time in the Skywalker family.Sometime, after Master Luke’s been drinking, you should ask him about what happened between him and General Organa before they realized they’re siblings.”

 

“I think I’ll skip that.”A couple pieces of her words catch in his mind.“You two didn’t…before you realized…”

 

“Stars, no.He’s more than twice my age and he knew who I was from the moment I came to Ahch-To.He finally told me a few days after I arrived.”Her eyes cast about the landscape in front of them before falling to look at her feet.“He also told me about my mother.”

 

“She still alive?”

 

“No, she died not long after I was born.”

 

“Was she a Jedi too?”

 

“Yes, though originally she was a Sith.”

 

“Your family certainly has a thing for the dark side for being such powerful Jedis.”

 

“Don’t I know it: my grandfather, my mother, my cousin.”

 

“Your cousin?”

 

“Kylo Ren?”

 

“He’s your _cousin_?”Now Rey’s words on the Star Destroyer make more sense.“You called him Ben before.”

 

“Yes— Ben Solo.”She pauses to look at him for a few long moments that shatter his universe.“You didn’t know?”

 

“No— I mean yes.I knew the General and Han Solo had a son named Ben but I thought he died.I thought Kylo Ren killed him.”

 

“He did; Ben Solo is dead, clearly.”

 

“Are you going to be able to kill him— Kylo Ren— if you have to?”

 

“I don’t know.He tried to kill me when I was a child; that’s why Luke hid me— so Kylo Ren wouldn’t find me.”

 

“Did he kill your mother?”

 

“No.Snoke did.”

 

“Is that why you agreed to go on this mission to kill Snoke: because he killed her?”

 

“No, I agreed because Snoke is dangerous to our galaxy and part of my Jedi trial is to face him.And also because he killed my mother, though Luke disapproves of revenge.”

 

“Why do you call him that?”

 

“What?”

 

“‘Master Luke’, ‘Luke’.He’s your father; why not call him ‘Dad’ or something?”

 

“He’s all of those things— my Jedi Master, my father, and practically a perfect stranger.All at once I know him better than I know myself and yet not at all.”She hesitates before adding, “you know we’re probably going to die on this mission.”

 

“No we’re not— I told you that we’re going together so it’s safer.”

 

“But there’s a high likelihood we’ll die.”

 

“Yeah, there is.”  


“So this is your last night of freedom before probable death.”

 

“It is.”

 

“And you’re spending it sitting on top of a cargo ship.”

 

“So are you.”

 

“Yeah, but I’m alone; I’ve always been alone.You’re not; you have friends. This seems like a poor use of your last night.”

 

“You’re not alone.”

 

“Finn won’t talk to me.”

 

“But you have your father and Leia.”

 

“It doesn’t feel any different than being alone when they’re so unknown to me.It makes me feel guilty.”

 

“Then consider this my way of ensuring that you have company for your last night of freedom so we’re both in good spirits tomorrow.”

 

“Poe?”It takes him a moment to recognize his name from her lips since usually she calls him ‘Pilot’.

 

“Yes, Rey?”Her name feels foreign on his tongue but not altogether unpleasant.

 

“You can stop talking now.I think I like you better when you’re quiet.”

 

“The feeling’s mutual.”

 

The words drip with the lie he knows they hold.Within the recesses of his mind he’s aware that something has shifted and now, for better or worse, he feels the loathsome and creeping stir of respect and affection for her.Hurdling toward their mutual probable doom, he muses that this is definitely the wrong time for it to happen.


	7. Chapter 7

As Poe had assured her the night before, when she steps out of the hangar to load her small pack on to the small cargo ship, Finn is waiting out on the tarmac, next to the ship, in the morning sunlight.

 

Rey stops, muscles absolutely frozen, and stares at her best friend in surprise.She had been so nervous the entire previous night and that morning because she was leaving with her first real human relationship broken and without the opportunity to repair it before her possible demise.Seeing him standing in front of her, hands tucked in the pockets of his pants, Poe’s old jacket open and shifting in the breeze, is nothing short of miraculous in her mind.She laughs quietly when he slowly fumbles to raise one hand in a half-wave.It’s enough to break the trance and quickly she’s moved to embrace him in a fierce hug that he returns.

 

“I’m so sorry I didn’t tell you.”She can barely say the words above a whisper but she knows they’ve registered.

 

“I know.I’m sorry I reacted like that— you didn’t deserve it.”

 

“No, I—“

 

“No, Rey.”He pulls back suddenly to place his hands on her shoulders and look her in the eyes with an intensity she last remembers from Starkiller base.“I know how difficult this mission is— the risks— and you should have been able to count on my support and encouragement.”

 

“It doesn’t matter; you’re here now.”She smiles sadly.“Poe was so sure you’d show up this morning. I didn’t believe him.I suppose I should have— he must know you better than I thought.”

 

“Sure.” Finn smiles down at her, his mind wondering back to the previous night.

 

_He should really be asleep already but he’s still upset— how could she not tell him something so important?She’s one of his two real friends and they’d been through so much together and had to trust each other.How could she not trust him now, with this?_

 

_A knock on the door draws his attention from his brooding and he moves to open it.Poe stands on the other side, a friendly yet grim expression on his face.Neither says anything— Finn just leads Poe into his quarters and gestures for his friend to take a seat in one of the two chairs that sit not far from the door._

 

_Poe wastes no time getting to the point.“You’ve gotta come see us off tomorrow, Finn.”_

 

_“No, I don’t, Poe.I’ll just say goodbye to you tonight.”_

 

_“You know what I mean.”Poe gestures to the door.“I just spent hours with Rey the night before an incredibly dangerous mission so she wouldn’t be alone.Me.We don’t even like being around each other.You and I both know she should have been with her friend but she’s not.”_

 

_“She should have told me.”_

 

_“I’m not saying she didn’t screw up, buddy, but I didn’t tell you either.I knew she was going and that I was going to volunteer to go with her and I didn’t say anything to you about it.Are you mad at me?”_

 

_“No.It’s different, though.”_

 

_“How?”_

 

_“It’s her responsibility to—“_

 

_“Bantha fodder, Finn.Why is it really different?” Finn purses his lips and remains silent.“I don’t understand why a guy who risked the entire Resistance and his life to go after her on Starkiller, who confronted Kylo Ren with her, who won’t. Shut. Up. About her gets mad and gives all of that up just because she didn’t tell him this decision quickly enough.”_

 

_“She didn’t trust me enough to tell me.”_

 

_“I don’t think that’s what it was.”Poe leans forward, resting his elbows on his knees so he can try to catch his friend’s downward cast eyes.“Look, I know you’re scared, buddy.You’re scared for us.I get that.She’s scared, too, even if she doesn’t let on and even if it seems out-of-character for her.Hell, I’m even scared and this is far from my first time on a potential suicide mission.”He pauses, hoping Finn will respond but continues when the other man remains silent.“So what is it?Are you in love with her?It would make sense.”Poe’s voice comes out unsteady as he says it, causing Finn to take notice and Poe to inwardly cringe._

 

_“What?First it’s Luke Skywalker— who is her father by the way— and now me?”_

 

_“I know he’s her father— she told me— but that doesn’t mean I’m wrong now.”  
_

_“Well, you are.I’m not in love with her.She’s just the closest thing I have to a family.”He raises his head to look more directly at Poe.“You both are.Besides, you’re the one who punched someone for talking about her and you’re the one who volunteered for a mission you even just now described as a ‘suicide mission’ with her.And now you’re here, talking me into saying goodbye to her tomorrow after spending hours with her so she wouldn’t be alone.Are you sure_ _you’re_ _not the one in love with her?”_

 

_Poe scoffs at that, slouching back into his chair. “We don’t even_ _like_ _each other.It would be pretty hard to be in love with someone who can’t stand me.”_

 

_Finn stares back at his friend incredulously.“Her not liking you does_ _not_ _mean you can’t be in love with her.Even I know that and I was a Stormtrooper until a few months ago.”_

 

_“I punched the idiot because he endangered my squad.I volunteered because we need_ _both_ _of the Jedi to come back in one piece— that’s more likely to happen if she has help.I’m talking you into saying goodbye because I know you’ll regret it if you don’t.”_

 

_“I’m just sayin’— it looks suspiciously like you love her.”_

 

_“Well, I don’t.”Poe watches the ex-Stormtrooper for several moments before letting out a heavy sigh of defeat.“You don’t believe me, do you?”_

 

_“Not at all.”He flashes a brilliant smile at Poe._

 

_“Fine.”Poe raises his hands in mock surrender before rising to his feet and walking toward the door.He stops a couple feet before it and turns back to his friend.“You had better show up in the morning or else I’ll delay the mission just to drag you out of here to say goodbye to her.”_

 

_“Got it.”_

 

_Poe nods and turns to walk out the door, Finn grinning to himself as he watches.In his mind, that’s as good as an admission from the pilot._

 

 

Finn shakes himself from his thoughts to embrace Rey again.“Be safe out there, OK?”

 

“You, too.We’ll let you know when we’re getting near The Finalizer.”

 

“I know.And we’ll let you know when we’re ready, but you can always check in before that.”

 

Rey’s the one who pulls back this time.“Take care of yourself and Master Luke and the General.I’ll see you again after this is done, my friend.I believe that.”

 

She looks so sincere that he doesn’t point out his doubt that she truly does.The words, he figures, are more for herself than for him.Who is he to steal her one defense?

 

“I do, too.”She smiles faintly and turns to walk toward the ship’s ramp.“Hey, Rey?”

 

She stops and looks back at him, one eye squinting shut from the bright morning sun.“Yes?”

 

“Take care of Poe.He really is a good guy and he’s trying to do the right thing by you, even if it doesn’t seem like it.”

 

Her face wears confusion.He doesn’t help dispel it.“OK,” she responds slowly.They wave to each other and she continues to the ship, disappearing up the ramp.

 

Poe stands just beyond it, half-hidden from view but still unmistakably there.Finn isn’t sure when the pilot arrived but suspects it was a while ago and that Poe heard the full exchange just a moment before.His carefully blank face as he approaches Finn confirms it as do his next words.

 

“You don’t need to tell her to take care of me.”

 

“Oh, but I do.”

 

Poe sighs wearily, glancing around the tarmac that’s already buzzing with people before his gaze finally settles on his friend. 

 

“This is part of your ludicrous theory from last night, isn’t it?”

 

“Yeah, but it isn’t ludicrous.”

 

“This is a conversation for another time, buddy.”

 

“Sure.Just make sure you don’t put it off for too long— especially with how dangerous things are about to become for both of you.”

 

The words strike Poe harder than he believes Finn intended— lost moments and missed conversation with people no longer there are things Poe is intimately acquainted with.He’s sure Finn and Rey are, too.But now isn’t the time for that line of thinking so he steps closer and embraces his friend. 

 

“Don’t go do anything brave and stupid out there, buddy.Rey will hate you for it and so will I.”

 

Finn chuckles, his eyes rolling.“That’s rich coming from you.”More quietly he adds, “make sure you both come back in one piece.”  


“Of course. I don’t want to know what a Jedi Master who loses his only child is like.”

 

Both of them laugh, the sound only dying when they separate enough to look at each other.

 

“But seriously, Poe, make sure both of you come back— not just her.”

 

“I will.”He understands the implications.

 

The ex-Stormtrooper silently slips away, leaving Poe to look over the ship alone in the crisp morning.The ship, of course, is fine— Rey really had put it in full working order— it’s even probably in better condition than when it was pilfered.But there’s still quite a lot of time before they leave and Poe feels too awkward about spending that time in the ship with Rey already, opting for the distraction of inspecting it instead.

 

That’s what he’s still doing when Luke approaches and greets the pilot with a nod before walking up the ramp of the ship, presumably looking for Rey who is just inside.Poe remains just far enough away to be out of earshot.

 

“Rey.”Luke gently calls her, hoping not to startle her.

 

She turns quickly to face the Jedi, her face brightening with a small smile.“Master Luke.”

 

The formal address disappoints him, they both know it, but he can hardly fault her for choosing such when he knows she hasn’t had the enduring experience of him acting as her father.He can remember a time when she would loudly squeal ‘Daddy’ and practically tackle him to the ground in her childish excitement, but that was a different time.The woman who stands before him has lived a long lifeof solitude and self-reliance already since then.It’s unclear to him whether his own guilt around that will ever subside.He had made the decision that led to her pain and struggle.

 

“Rey, I trust you have thought on your mission since yesterday.”

 

“I have.” She sighs heavily and brings her arms across her to hug herself nervously.“I don’t know if I really have the skill to do this but it’s a bit late to think about that.”

 

“You have what you will need, student.Don’t let the trappings of dark thoughts convince you otherwise.” They step closer to each other, Luke settling his hands on her shoulders as he has many times before.“Remember that a Jedi can feel the Force flowing through them.Control your feelings, find calm, peace, and let that guide you.Snoke and Kylo Ren will prey upon your fear and anger.Don’t let it have power over you or you will give _them_ that power.”

 

“I know.”She can see the unspoken concern written on his face so uncharacteristically.The shock of it urges her to embrace him tightly.“I know, father.I won’t forget what you’ve taught me.”Her breath unsettles the fringes of his long hair as she talks, her slender arms steadily embracing him in a gesture more affectionate than usual.

 

He’s understood her lack of affectionate gestures toward others— her life experiences and past loneliness accounting for much of it and her lack of familiarity with him the rest.It makes this moment all the more unexpected and special.She’s never referred to him so affectionately.

 

“I’m proud of you, Rey.”He takes a deep breath and tightens his hold on her, possibly having his only child this close for the last time.“Both as your father and as your Jedi Master.I am proud of the woman you are and the Jedi you are becoming.”

 

When they pull away just enough to look at one another, he takes her face in his hands. 

 

“There’s not a moment that I don’t see her wonderful, genuine, laughing spirit looking back at me when I see you.” His breath stills for a moment in hesitation.“Once that would have destroyed me in my weakest moments but I have always known and loved you, my courageous and darling daughter.You have always been the best of us both— that’s how I know you will succeed.”

 

“You choose now for this?”

 

“No, I don’t, but these things must be.”He pulls her close again then to whisper in her ear, “I know she would want you to know how much she loves you and that you will _always_ be enough.Don’t doubt that.”

 

She practically has to peel herself from her father’s arms and sprint down the hall to the ship’s hold.Protected in the darkness of the cavern there, her shoulders finally relax.She remains there for what seems like an eternity but is most likely several standard minutes.In that time she’s heard footsteps indicating both that father has left the ship and that someone, most likely Poe, has boarded.

 

“Poe?”  


“Yes?”He calls from the cockpit and she follows the sound.

 

As she approaches she sees that he’s seated in the pilot’s seat.He quickly vacates it when she comes into view, nervously clearing his throat.

 

“The ship is primed and ready for departure when you are ready.”

 

Honestly, he thought it would be quite a while still before their departure.He can’t remember that much about emotional goodbyes between parents and their children, but his vague recollections still indicate that they take a while, so he’s surprised to see the other person of his mission strapping in so quickly.Yet, nothing about any of this is normal.

 

Kylo Ren

Rey

Snoke

Luke Skywalker 

General Organa

 

Finn, an ex-Stormtrooper is less extraordinary than the Jedi but still an anomaly.Really, Poe is the ordinary one here and even he’s considered extraordinary in the Resistance.The thought is interrupted by the most regal throat clearing that exists in the galaxy.Poe immediately knows who it is.His legs send him standing at attention immediately.

 

“General Organa.”

 

“Commander, please— you know you don’t need to be this formal.Or at least you don’t while we’re alone.”Neither he nor the General miss that Rey continues adjusting the ship’s controls, ostensibly readying for take off.

 

“Of course, General.” He leans against the wall of the cockpit and crosses his arms, aiming for an air of relaxed conversation in the hopes of easing both women into the other’s company.

 

Her own arms cross over her chest, the General sighs gently and leans against the cockpit wall opposite Poe.He’s not certain but he believes he sees a wistfulness to her gaze as it passes over the studiously distracted Apprentice.

 

“I came to see you before you depart and wish you both well.I recognize how difficult of a mission lies before you— the entirety of the Resistance will forever be indebted to you both for your bravery.”

 

“Thank you.”The room falls into stifling silence after his words.He knows Leia isn’t really here for him so he attempts to help things along.“I’m going to go check on a few things before we leave, if you’ll excuse me.”

 

He leaves the two women in their silence, burying himself deep within the ship.The medical supplies are the only thing he can think of that might not have been addressed by Rey the day before.An inspection of the MedBay area, however, shows that either she or someone else decided to replenish them.Unsure what to do and not wanting to interfere with a family farewell, he walks back down the ramp and stands on the tarmac, feeling useless.

 

When the General joins him she only gives him a nod before walking away so he can board the ship once more.Rey barely spares him a glance as he straps himself into the co-pilot seat.He doesn’t catch the look on her face but he has the distinct impression that he’s done something wrong.They’ll have several days for that to come out, he muses.So he sits back and watches the blur of stars as they enter hyperspace.

 

Their time together before had been awkward but this is much worse— something about Finn’s farewell and Poe’s awkward witnessing of Leia’s overture to Rey had shifted their dynamic for the second time in the past standard day but this time uncomfortably.There isn’t anything for Poe to do other than fiddle with different settings and check components.The quiet of hyper space surrounds them, cut only by the quiet whir of the ship’s engine.It’s so much quieter than the Millennium Falcon— one of the advantages of a new ship.Rey finds herself slouching in the pilot’s seat and, despite her attempts to maintain a confident and cool facade, fiddling with the hem of her shirt.

 

“Poe?”

 

“Yeah?”He half looks up from the display on which he’s reading a summary on the functions of the ship.

 

“Did General Organa— my Aunt— did she ask you to go on this mission with me?”

 

The question gives him pause and he sits stock still momentarily, seemingly confirming Rey’s suspicions.But then he shifts so he’s facing her in the co-pilot’s seat, his head cocked to the side in question.

 

“Why would she do that?”

 

“Because she was worried about me going alone.”

 

“What makes you think she would have asked me?”

 

“I know she talked to you after I met with her—she must have told you about it.”

 

“She did— tell me about it, that is.”He considers her very seriously for a moment, almost uncomfortably, before he sighs and leans toward her and continues.“But she didn’t ask me to come.I volunteered.”

 

“You don’t have to say that; it’s OK if she asked you before the briefing to—“

 

“She was briefing me and through that told me about the mission and about your insistence to do it alone.”He pauses suddenly, turning his eyes back toward the controls while his hand runs over them in a nervous gesture.“I was the one who objected to you going alone.I tried to insist that she assign me but she refused— she wanted to respect your request.That didn’t sit right with me and I figured that she wouldn’t turn me down if I volunteered in front of everyone at the briefing.”

 

“Why would you do that?”

 

He doesn’t look at her, instead choosing to continue studying the controls as he speaks.“I already told you.”  


“You don’t make any sense.”

 

“Don’t I know.”He quickly collects himself and then turns back to her.“The General is going to be mad at me for a long time if we make it out of this thing but she’ll never forgive me if I come back without you, so don’t think about doing something nuts.”

 

“The entire Resistance will hate me if I come back and you don’t so don’t try to kill yourself like you usually do.”

 

“What do you mean, _like I usually do_?” He hears his voice raise embarrassingly high.

 

“Antagonizing Stormtroopers when we were captured and I’ve heard about your knack for inserting yourself into danger for your squad members.Didn’t you almost blow yourself up saving Seth the other day?”

 

He blanches at her words— Snap was supposed to take care of the rumors. 

 

“You heard about that?”

 

“Of course!Snap said Seth didn’t listen and would have killed himself if you hadn’t gone after him.”

 

“That’s what he said?”

 

“And that he’s not allowed to fly anymore because of it.” 

 

She gives him a curious look as she finishes her statement— a question seeming to be forming on her lips.A question that Poe doesn’t want to answer so he responds quickly— probably too quickly.

 

“Yep, that’s what happened.”

 

“O…kay.”She regards him with suspicion still for a few moments until Poe turns away again, not able to handle her gaze directly on him like it is.

 

There’s a point when silence falls and he can think of nothing else to sustain the conversation, as is want to happen.It isn’t an awkward silence by any means.In fact, it’s comfortable— as if they’re old friends who enjoy each other’s presence instead of two people who can barely stand the other.

 

His mind lights on the idea of busywork but he can’t quite force himself into action—even he knows it’s lame.Instead he remains glued to his seat and babbling in a most mortifying fashion.

 

“Luke seemed surprisingly calm for a man sending his only child on a dangerous mission.”

 

“He’s a Jedi— calmness is part of our teachings.Besides, I’m a grown woman.”

 

“Still, my father gets worried when I go on a mission even after all these years and I’m a good deal older than you.Luke was much more collected than I’d even think a Jedi would be.”

 

“Pilot, do you have a point?”She almost slams her fists on the console before her, irritation sparking through the air.

 

“No, I guess not.I just—“

 

“I can’t puzzle out your fascination— first your obsession with Luke, then Sashi starts avoiding me after you and I saw each other in the hangar that one morning.And practically every other man on base I’ve met runs in the opposite direction upon sight of me now.”She points a finger at him.“It has to do with you and I know it.”

 

He sighs, unsure how to respond to her without it becoming obvious that he’s said and done things she wouldn’t appreciate.Quickly he decides to sidestep it altogether.

 

“Relax, Jedi.I’m not that powerful. We have several days until we reach the First Order and at least a few before we even arrive at our first checkpoint and get our briefing.You and I shouldn’t lob all accusations at each other in just the first day— what fun would that leave for later?”

 

Her huff is enough of a response and he proclaims he’s going to nap before she can start in on something else.Of course, he doesn’t actually mean to sleep but for some reason the call of unconsciousness wins him nonetheless.


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes! Another update actually pretty decently quickly. Don't worry, I'm putting the finishing touches on the next chapter so you won't be waiting too long for it.
> 
> Also, in case you hadn't noticed, (spoiler alert, kind of) this obviously is not cannon compliant given the release of TLJ.

The rocking of the ship is what wakes him.If he had been in the barracks he would have hit his head on the top bunk but he had taken one of the two sets of quarters clearly intended for ranking officers.Thus, he remains without a head trauma.The fact that the ship rocks, however, is clearly not a good sign.

 

“Rey!”His voice echoes off the walls as he stumbles through the passageway in seek of the cockpit as he pulls on his jacket.

 

She almost collides with him in the hall, both of them having to clutch to the walls in order to keep from crashing to the floor.Normally they’d erupt into an argument but they both know now’s not the time.Alarms are blaring by the time they stumble into the cockpit.

 

“What is—“ the growl of a ship cuts in, making the rest of her sentence unnecessary.

 

“It’s probably a rogue group that doesn’t take kindly to the First Order being near their planet.”

 

She has to shake her sleep-addled brain and remind it that they are, in fact, in a First Order ship.They aren’t going to have the same allies as they usually do in the Resistance.

 

“But the Resistance knows that—“

 

“I said rogue group.Their relationship with the Resistance might be tenuous at best— certainly not one that would cause the Resistance to brief them on a classified covert mission.”

 

He adjusts the shields and fires back enough to damage the other ship but not destroy it.Hopefully it’s enough to scare the pilot off from making another run at them.

 

“We can’t shoot at them!”

 

“If we don’t, they _will_ kill us, Jedi, and our mission will be a failure.We _have_ to fight back—“

 

“Couldn’t we just tell them?”

 

Poe doesn’t have the extra mental capacity to stop from shooting her an incredulous look.

 

“If they don’t already know— if they haven’t already hailed us like they would if they knew about our mission— there’s a reason. We have to let them believe we’re with the First Order.”

 

“Right.I—“ she gets cut off by another blast rocking the ship.

 

Poe sees that it’s a different ship than the last— hopefully the other one already took the warning and disengaged.As he shoots at the second ship he silently curses the Jedi’s endless teachings about protecting and preserving life.It’s not that he believes killing people when avoidable is good, clearly he doesn’t, it’s just that he knows it’s necessary sometimes.He knows the Jedi do, too, but the standards to which they hold themselves and others seem cumbersome.Absolutely so in the context of war. 

 

They both breathe a sigh of satisfaction and relief when the other ship clearly flies out of their range and disappears.Re-engaging the autopilot, the two of them head toward the back of the ship where a table and seating reside.Poe flings himself down and watches as Rey does the same—undoubtedly as wired with adrenaline.Neither one of them would be sleeping for a while.

 

“That was a pretty close call.”Rey looks across the table at him as she says the words.

 

“It was.”He scrubs a hand over his face as he continues to think.“But we shouldn’t come near another planet like that until our first rendezvous point.”

 

“I didn’t even know we would come upon that one.”

 

“I did— I should have thought it through better.There are several planets that, while not formally at war with the First Order, do have pockets of people fighting back.”

 

“But they’re not getting aid from the Resistance?”

 

Poe shakes his head, formulating his response.“Some don’t want to be—being part of a larger military effort removes some of their autonomy.They prefer to do things on their own.There are some groups whose allegiances we’re not even completely sure of.That’s part of why no one outside of the Resistance would or could know about our mission.”

 

She nods and looks away, her cheeks turning pink as she does so.Too late he realizes how his remarks must have sounded to her and he understands that she now feels foolish and embarrassed.

 

“No one would know that beyond just a few of us in the Resistance— it’s not something we broadcast.It doesn’t look good for groups who want to fight the First Order to not want to join us.” He’s satisfied somewhat when the color appears to lessen in her cheeks.“You did good back there, Rey.”

 

The use of her actual name seems to startle her out of her former brooding enough for her eyes to turn to his.For the first time he realizes that her hair is loose around her shoulders instead of in the buns he’s seen her wearing for so long.He gives her a bright smile, hoping it will help her relax around him.Usually it does with most people but he already knows she’s not most people.Instead of her returning it, she changes the subject.

 

“Finn told me your parents were both in the Rebel Alliance.”

 

“They were; my mother was a pilot and my father was a Pathfinder with General Solo.”Even now the name hurts both of them to hear out loud.“They left after the war with the Empire ended so they could live on Yavin 4.To be with me.”

 

“Do they still live there?”

 

“My father does and his father; my mother died when I was eight.”His throat grows tight with the words, trying to choke back the tears that still want to accompany the words after so many years.He hopes that it goes unnoticed by Rey but of course it can’t because she’s a Jedi.And when it comes to anything having to do with her, the galaxy clearly hates him.

 

“I’m sorry. That’s so sad.”

 

It’s not that he doesn’t appreciate the words that are meant to be comforting; it’s just that they seem so misplaced coming from her.And not just because, as far as he knows, she doesn’t like him.It’s that confusion that causes him to snap his gaze over to hers, his brows knit together.

 

“What?”She shrinks back slightly at the sharpness of his voice so he stops and tries to rein in his jumbled emotions.“You think my childhood was sad?Shouldn’t I be saying this to you?”Her cheeks pink a bit at his words but he continues, training his gaze on her more intensely.“You were alone since early childhood and had to fend for yourself.Your mother died before you could know her.You just met your father.By all accounts, your childhood is the sadder of the two.”

 

“Why?I’m not sad about it.”

 

“You aren’t?”He’s not Force sensitive but he can still sense that what she’s saying must be a lie, even if it is mostly to herself.

 

“I would have been more sad to have known my mother and lost her.I just never knew her at all, which is better in some ways.Luke,” she pauses briefly and corrects herself, “ _my father_ sent me away with friends to protect me from Ben…or Kylo Ren… _him_.It wasn’t until later that he found out that they had been killed and I went missing entirely.He thought I was dead, too.I wasn’t supposed to end up on Jakku; I was supposed to be raised by his friends and told the truth when I was old enough.”

 

“And that doesn’t hurt: to know that it could have been different if they hadn’t died or Kylo Ren hadn’t turned?”

 

“It does.But I can’t change the past and I’ve waited years for my family.Now I at least know who they are, even if I don’t really know them.”

 

The catch in her voice doesn’t escape him even though it’s subtle, along with the watery look of her eyes.They’re hurtling toward the most dangerous mission since Skywalker faced Darth Vader and the Emperor decades ago and it’s now that they’re having such a personal conversation.It occurs to him, though, that the slight woman might not have opened up about any of this to anyone— not even Finn— and probably needs to.And even more, she probably needs some sort of solace.She’s like a ship caught in a storm alone.

 

“My parents always said that Luke Skywalker was one of the bravest and best pilots they’d ever known.They always talked about him when I was a child— I even met him a couple of times when I was very small, though I doubt he remembers; I barely do.The things they said about him made him sound larger than life; like the most amazing person in the entire galaxy.He was fearless in battle, he took on the Emperor and Darth Vader by himself, even, and single handedly struck blows that were vital to winning the war.I idolized him as a kid— I wanted to be like him so much.”  


“Really?”

 

“Oh yeah, he was everything I wanted to be by what my parents told me and when I was a kid he did seem larger than life, even in person.”

 

“How is it now that you’re grown?”

 

“He’s shorter than I remember.”He smiles at her and feels a wash of satisfaction when he sees a smile likewise sneak across her face as he had hoped it would.“But he’s still as intimidating as I remember, at least to me.”

 

“He doesn’t mean to be intimidating.”

 

“I know— it’s just different when you grew up idolizing him.”

 

“I guess it would be.”There’s a sadness to her tone that alarms him and makes him wish he understood how to cheer her.

 

But this is ridiculous thinking.Why is he so concerned about her?

 

_Because of our mission of course._

 

The lie is valiantly suggested in his mind but is a lie nonetheless and with every passing moment he’s more sure of it.He’d felt his thoughts for her shifting back on the base and then, of course, Finn’s words from the night before their departure have been pinging around Poe’s head on repeat.It doesn’t mean that he agrees with Finn’s accusation though and this is completely the wrong time to even be thinking about this.His view of her, however, has undeniably softened in a way that he never would have anticipated.

 

Which makes his next question that much more difficult to ask.

 

“Rey, I know I asked you before if you thought you would be able to kill Kylo Ren.But have you ever had to kill someone?”He asks it quietly, as thought she might startle and bolt.Instead of doing that, she looks at him in confusion.“I know the Jedi embrace peace and don’t condone killing except in extreme circumstances.”

 

“It’s done when it has to be.It’s not as though when Mast— when my father destroyed the Death Star no one died.”

 

“Right, of course.”He knew that.But still.“But have you ever had to do it yourself?”

 

“Yes, of course.”She looks away from him again, her expression growing noticeably darker.“But I didn’t like having to do it.”

 

“No, I didn’t think you would.”

 

“There was no other way.”

 

“I don’t doubt it.”He’s quickly regretting having asked this.She had been captured by Kylo Ren twice and had helped destroy Starkiller base.Of course she knows this feeling.“The guilt you feel is natural.If you didn’t feel it or had wanted to kill them then you’d be like _him_.”

 

She fixes him with a stare that is dark and wounded and altogether too much for him in an instant.But it’s so magnetic he can’t look away.

 

“But what if someday…”

 

Too late.He’s always realizing things too late when it comes to her.In his mind he’s berating himself repeatedly for his lack of thought.Her cousin is a genocidal sociopath.So was her Grandfather.Of course she’s terrified she could become one, too.

 

His hand smacks the table between them too hard as he grabs for her hand that rests there.

 

“No.”He squeezes her hand in his palm briefly.“You are not him, Rey.You are not.”

 

“But I could…”

  
“No, you couldn’t.”

 

She wrenches her hand from his grip and whirls to a stand.

 

“How would you know?!”

 

The words bounce off the metal walls, frantic and pleading.Her eyes are shining— a fact that they’ll both publicly ignore now and forever when remembering this moment.

 

“You don’t, Poe.You don’t know.”

 

Suddenly he stands, pulling himself to be just a foot from where she is. 

 

“Yes, I do, Rey.”Part of him begs to reach out and grasp for her but he stops just short of that, opting instead to grip the seams of his jacket.“I’ve heard what Finn says aboutyou.I’ve heard General Organa, too.Even though I’ve tried avoiding it, I’ve watched you train with Luke.BB-8 spent days regaling me with your journey together and refuses to stop talking about you.”He allows himself to step just a bit closer and hopes it doesn’t cause her to flee.“And I grew up idolizing Luke and hearing stories of him.Darth Vader redeemed himself because of your father.You’re not destined for darkness, Jedi.You just need to see that.”  


“But what if…”

 

“What if all of the galaxy explodes right now?”He shoves his hands in his pockets to keep them from reaching for hers again.“What if my mother hadn’t died?What if yours hadn’t?” He holds her gaze for several seconds now.“All of us could drown ourselves in thoughts of ‘what if’ but it wouldn’t change now— you basically said the same thing earlier.You’re you and I may not know you definitively but I’ve heard enough about you to know that you are not Kylo Ren, nor will you ever be.”  


“But—“  


“I knew Kylo Ren briefly when he was still Ben.You may be related to him but you are Luke’s daughter, not your cousin.”

 

Rey stares at him for a long time, her gaze scrutinizing and not kind even though she’s a Jedi.Poe begins to scour his comments, wondering if they were more abrasive than he intended.Alternatively, he wonders whether the were just more honest than necessary.He must sound like he’s lecturing her.Given their age difference, he can understand if she interprets his intent that way.

 

“I just mean,” his tone softens and he runs a hand down his face in frustration with himself, “that I can’t imagine a galaxy in which you would become like him.I know it’s technically possible— a lot of things are— but you shouldn’t worry that it’s at all probable.”

 

Her gaze is steady on him as she considers his words.It’s enough to make him uncomfortable and shift from one foot to another.When she finally breaks the silence he has to hold himself from sighing with relief.

 

“I think we should go to sleep.It’s been a long night.”

 

There are so many things he wants to say in response so he’s more than a little angry with himself that he simply answers, “OK,” before he watches her walk away.

 

*-*-*

 

The silence they fall into for almost an entire standard day feels familiar in some ways but ultimately different.He notices she doesn’t make such an effort to station herself as far from him as possible, nor does he from her.Despite the silence, they move in seamless synchronization, adjusting systems and shifting about the ship on tasks.There’s an air of familiarity and relaxation to it that neither one would have expected a day ago.As things had shifted the last night on the base, Poe can feel them shift again.

 

The change isn’t lost on Rey, either.Begrudgingly she admits to herself her growing fondness for the pilot.Admittedly, he’s different than she had originally thought— really she hadn’t known him just as much as she had accused him of not knowing her.But that has slowly begun to change and so has her regard. 

 

It first changed after he volunteered for this mission and chose to spend his last night on base with her instead of partying with his friends before they flew off to almost certain doom.Once she understood that he had truly volunteered for the mission despite even Leia’s protests, she could feel herself drawn to him. More so than she is comfortable.Now that he's told her more of his life she can’t deny that she finds herself wanting to know him, even wanting to be his friend in some small way.

 

She rolls her eyes at herself; Finn is going to gloat about this when he finds out.While they were on base the ex-Stormtrooper took every opportunity to tell her how he was so certain she and Poe wouldbe such great friends if she’d give him a chance.She will hate to concede to her friend that he may have bene correct.

 

“Hey, Jedi, mind helping me out, here?”

 

She looks in the direction of his voice and realizes that while she was lost in thought, she had absentmindedly levitated several tools and pieces of cargo.One tool remains spinning midair directly in Poe’s path, blocking it.Immediately she pushes it from his way and guides it to gently settle on the floor along with the other items.

 

“Sorry; I wasn’t paying attention.”

 

“It’s OK.”He walks over to stand next to where she is adjusting settings for several control systems and he pushes several buttons before looking at a small screen on the wall that produces a report about the atmosphere.“Though since that’s what you can do when you’re _not_ paying attention, I’m not so surprised that what you can do when you _are_ is unique and slightly terrifying.”He tosses a small smile in her direction as he speaks.

 

_Was that a compliment?_

 

Rey can barely believe that it could be possible.

 

“You haven’t seen much of what I can do.”

 

“I’ve heard from Finn and BB-8 and the General.”He pauses to clear his throat momentarily.“And I saw you training with Master Skywalker one day.”

 

“What did you see?”She’s stunned because as far as she could tell, Poe had taken every precaution to avoid both her and the Jedi Master on base.

 

He shrugs as he investigates a print out.“Master Skywalker having you lift the Millennium Falcon.”He tries to keep his tone even so it doesn’t betray how awestruck he was by it or how intimidated.

 

“Oh.”Heat rises in her cheeks as she considers that moment.“That was the morning that I ran into you in the hangar.”

 

He chuckles at her choice of description.“Yeah, it was.”He turns to face her, leaning his shoulder against the wall with his arms crossed.“I take it that Master Skywalker finally found you that morning.”

 

“He did.”

 

“Was that your punishment for your delinquency?”

 

“What?”

 

“The Falcon.”

 

“Oh.”She stops and considers his words before responding.“Sort of.I was late but he wasn’t upset he couldn’t find me earlier; he was concerned that I was distracted during training, so lifting the Falcon was supposed to be a lesson on focus.”

  
“That’s quite the lesson.So what distracted you?Memories of your night with Sashi?”

 

She snorts with laughter at his suggestion. 

 

“Hardly.”Her eyes immediately go wide when she hears his responding laughter and realizes the implications of her words too late.

 

“Well, that explains why Sashi never has _two_ night stands.”

 

“I didn’t mean it like—“

 

“Don’t worry, Jedi; I won’t tell anyone that you let slip about your horrible sex with Sashi.”

 

“I never said it was horrible.”

 

“But it clearly wasn’t good, either.”

 

“I didn’t say that.”

 

“You didn’t need to; it was obvious.”

 

She stops what she’s doing and turns to him, irritation flashing in her eyes in response to his clear amusement.“What would you know about it anyway?”

 

“I know,” he leans forward so that he’s close enough to share breath with her, “that if a woman who can best me at hand-to-hand combat, who can beat _Kylo Ren_ , who can disable a tractor beam, fix the Resistance’s entire inventory of X-wings in a single afternoon, lift a kriffing ship without touching it, _and_ who can out maneuver a squad of TIEs in a ship she’s never flown, was in _my_ bed, I would make _damn sure_ she had the best night of her life.”

 

She rolled her eyes in response.“Right.”

 

“It’s true.”Somehow he moves closer, though that seems impossible to her.“Because I would be absolutely ashamed if I let myself screw _that_ up.”He watches as she swallows slowly.

 

“Well, it’s a good thing you won’t ever have to worry about it— it will never come to that.”

 

He smirks back at her. 

 

“Never say never, Jedi.”

 

His eyes flick to her lips for just a second before he locks them back on to hers.She’s so clearly uncomfortable that she shifts her weight from one foot to the other without any response to him.It’s so easy for him to rile her and it’s so tempting to continue to do so when she’s like this.But before he can go any further she turns and walks away from him and in the direction of the cockpit.He doesn’t attempt to stop her or follow; her retreat is enough of a victory for him.But he does let out the laugh he’s been stifling throughout the conversation.

 

Once she’s left, though, he thinks back over the conversation.He can’t quite pinpoint what made him say what he did.It’s so easy to get a reaction from her and goading her about sex seems like an easy way to do it.But still, he can’t account for the last part of the conversation— the words escaped his mouth with very little forethought and while they did prove to cause her ultimate discomfort, their implication was far from what he originally intended for that exchange.Yet they’re not altogether untrue.

 

_What in the world was that?_

 

Down the hall Rey has similar questions.With all she can muster she tries to push him and his words from her mind in favor of focusing on checking through the ship’s system statuses.After several moments she admits there’s no point in trying because she’s obviously failing.

 

Why had his words had such an effect on her?Even now her pulse is quickened and her mind is a jumble of thoughts and feelings.Of course she feels embarrassed but she can’t help but know it’s more than that.When he had leaned toward her she had to stop her impulse to lean in and kiss him.She had wondered to herself whether he would draw away from her or return the kiss if she were to follow her traitorous desire.It was only by sheer force of restraint that she instead pulled back and fled from him.How is it that he could find her so transparent and so easily find a way to push her to such embarrassment and frustration? 

 

Those thoughts repeat in her mind until she finally decides she can’t bear them anymore and goes to her quarters to meditate.

 

They work in silence— not avoiding each other so much as not encouraging the other to interact.It lasts through two meals and several rounds of checks and pre-emptive maintenance, up until the alarm sounds, indicating that they’re nearing a planet.

 

“Looks like we’ll be reaching our checkpoint soon.”Poe announces as he walks to the cockpit, Rey close on his heels.He takes the co-pilot seat voluntarily, opting to avoid the argument.“Well drop out of hyperspace in a couple minutes.”

 

“OK.” Rey doesn’t look at him or acknowledge him in any other way as she buckles her restraint.

 

“Look, Rey, I’m sorry if what I said earlier was over the line.”She doesn’t look over to him, instead focusing on preparing for the exit from hyperspace.“Sometimes I forget that my teasing can cross boundaries for people.”

 

She doesn’t respond.She only focuses on the space before her.

 

“We will exit hyperspace in ten seconds.Prepare yourself, Pilot.”

 

“Yes, ma’am.”He buckles his restraint, inwardly grimacing at how obviously he has messed up.

 

Their surroundings come into view, stars no longer blurring past them.But almost as quickly, alarms begin to blare and a blast rocks the ship.

 

“What was that?”Rey shouts over the trill of the alarms.

 

“Fighters.”

 

“TIEs?”

 

“No- First Order ship, remember?It has to be local military.”He looks at the radar screen.“There are several fighters.Someone needs to go man the gunner post.”Without debate, Poe unbuckles his restraint and hurries to the gunner post on the underbelly of the ship.Once he slides in to the seat he buckles his restraint and puts on the breathing mask as well as the headset so he can communicate with Rey.

 

“Poe, can you hear me?”

 

“Yeah, Jedi.”He flips on the trackers and guns as he responds.

 

“I’m going to try to lose them but you need to take out as many as you can.”

 

“Will do.”As he says the words a aircraft comes into his view and he immediately moves to lock on to it and fire.He’s relieved when his shot hits the target.

 

He stays focused on any signs of incoming aircraft as Rey quickly maneuvers them through the planet’s atmosphere, taking them close to the ground in the hopes of using the terrain as cover.She warns him a few times before she rolls or flips the ship completely and he’s reminded how disorienting it can be to be the gunner on someone else’s ship.It’s something he’s always disliked.Luckily, his training on this never really left him.

 

A fighter comes barreling towards them and he lines up to take the shot, striking the heart of the fighter and causing it to explode.The sequence, however, holds his attention long enough that he misses the ship entering his peripheral vision on his right until it’s too late.A well-placed bolt strikes the cargo ship right at the gunner post, bursting through the metal hatch around him and sending debris striking into his flesh.

 

Distantly he hears Rey’s voice yelling at him through the head set but the world grows dim and he feels too tired to respond.Darkness envelopes him as the atmosphere rushes by.


	9. Chapter 9

The blast is enough to shake the entire ship and alarms blare at her, indicating that the gunner post has been disabled.The sensors show that Poe is still strapped in to the seat.When she frantically yells his name over the comm system, though, he doesn’t answer and all she hears is static.She knows this can’t be good.

 

There’s no time to waste so she quickly turns and chases down the fighter responsible for this and makes quick work of it.With a few more shots the rest seem to scatter and withdraw, which leaves her able to quickly turn and land the ship in an empty expanse of land far from any seeming civilization.

 

It takes her barely thirty seconds to power everything down and run down the hall to where the gunner post is.When she reaches the mouth of it where Poe would have lowered himself into the seat, there’s a thick piece of durasteel sealing it off from the rest of the ship that won’t budge; the automatic lock activated when the bolt struck.She shouldn’t be surprised; it’s a smart design decision as it would minimize the damage to the rest of the ship by containing it to only the gunner.It doesn’t serve to settle her anxiety, however.

 

The button to lower the ramp is the first to be on the receiving end of her panic when she punches it harder than strictly necessary.She doesn’t even wait for the ramp to fully lower to the ground before she’s running down it, jumping off the end, and quickly making her way to where she knows Poe will be.

 

The sight before her causes her to stop in her tracks.The protective hatch around where Poe is strapped in has all but been destroyed from the blast and he’s clearly been struck in many places by the debris as well as probably from the blast itself. 

  
“No, no, no, this can’t be happening.” She runs over to him and reaches a hand up to press against his pulse point in search of some sign he’s alive.There is none.She can barely believe it.

 

Carefully, using her light saber, she cuts away at the restraints and breathing mask ensnaring him until there’s enough space for her to slip her arms under his and pull him from the seat he’s wedged in.He’s heavier than her— much heavier— but levitating boulders with the Force had been a helpful exercise for this moment as she uses her skill to assist where her muscles can’t support his weight. 

 

When she’s carefully laid him out on the ground, she checks again for a pulse.Cold panic washes over her as once again she can’t find one.This can’t be happening; they’re not even to the Finalizer yet.They haven’t even reached their first check point officially!This mission was always going to be dangerous, potentially fatal to them both, but not this early.

 

Years ago Rey saw another scavenger bring his companion’s pulse back with compressions to the man’s chest and breathing into the man’s mouth.When Rey had asked him later why he did that, the man told her that the compressions could restart someone’s heart when it stopped beating and the breaths helped get the person to start breathing again; both vital things for someone to live.

 

It’s fortunate that she vividly remembers what the man said to do and what it looked like as that is what guides her actions next.Placing one hand over the other she begins chest compressions, hoping that they work.She pauses after about fifteen to pinch his nose with one hand and, after opening his jaw, breathing into his mouth three times.She tells herself she’ll apologize for such an invasion of personal space later.

 

Halfway through the second round of compressions she feels dread creep up on her and tears begin sliding down her cheeks.Her actions seem meaningless as she watches him and sees no change.

 

“Come on, Pilot!You can’t give up this easily!”She breathes into his mouth again and more quietly adds, “don’t leave me like this, Poe.”

 

All of the moments of trading jabs and scowling at each other swim through her mind accompanied by a twinge of regret.Sure, they had disliked each other for quite a while but things had started to shift recently and those moments of anger and irritation seem wasted when she considers the man lying before her.That moment of closeness between them hours ago had shifted things further and in a direction that she didn’t previously think possible.But none of that will matter if she can’t revive him.

 

There’s still no pulse as she begins her third round of chest compressions.She’s just about to give in to her fear and grief when she suddenly notices him flinch and her own heart nearly stops in relief.

 

He suddenly gasps for air, looking around him.The world is somewhat blurry and glaringly bright for some reason.It hits him then that he has no recollection of the past several minutes, not even of landing the ship.For the first time he looks up at Rey’s face—the stricken look and tear tracks—and he can surmise what happened.He tries to sit up but she pushes him back down.

 

“You’re still injured.Don’t move.”

 

“Why?”He’s confused as he watches her shift on her knees next to him.“What are you doing?”

 

“Force healing.Don’t.Move.”

 

It’s a strange sensation, feeling someone bind your wounds through what he could only really describe as a co-mingling of their beings and energy. The very fact that this is happening is nothing short of miraculous.He can barely comprehend what’s transpiring; that someone would do something like this for him.And it’s her, of all people.

 

He chastises himself inwardly; he shouldn’t be surprised by that just like he shouldn’t be surprised by how captivated he is by her.It may be just striking him now but he knows that for a while he’s been denying what he feels welling up in a way that won’t be ignored any longer.

 

She leans back, breathing heavily as though she’s just finished running a long distance.

 

“There; you can move now.”

 

“What did you do?”

 

“I repaired all of the internal bleeding and broken bones.”

 

“No, I mean before— when I was unconscious.”

 

“I revived you— your…you didn’t have a pulse.”She appears almost shy about the admission, like she did something wrong instead of saving him.

 

Before she can move very far or either one of them can think about it too much, he props himself up on an elbow and reaches up with his other hand to pull her down to him.They meet in a kiss that is both gentle and hungry simultaneously; one made of deep need and longing as well as sweet affection.After what seems like both an eternity and barely any time at all, they pull apart and Rey finds herself looking into chocolate brown eyes that she could drown in.

 

“Stop trying to kill yourself.”She almost cringes at that being her immediate response but between the kiss and frantically trying to revive him, her thoughts are jumbled and fleeting.To her relief, she sees a small smile grow across his face.

 

“Trying?Jedi, I’m a focused man; I actually _did_ kill myself that time.”He tucks a strand of hair behind her ear, searching her eyes for some indication of whether she is feeling the same electricity he is.“And if you keep saving me like that, I’m going to start thinking you want me.”

 

“That’s ridiculous.You can’t possibly both love and hate someone.”

 

“Most people call that marriage.But who said anything about love, Jedi?”He smirks at her flustered appearance as she realizes her mistake.“You know what I think?”

 

“What?”

 

He struggles slightly to push himself up to a sitting position at her side so close that his thigh touches hers.Before he can talk himself out of it, he slips his left arm around her waist, effectively securing her to him.She can’t run away from this conversation now.

 

“I think you wouldn’t insist on saving me all the time if you hated me.”He stops and feels his smile grow and the warmth of affection wash through his body.“I think you actually like me even if you say you hate me.I think you wanted me to kiss you, even.”

 

She scrunches her nose at that.“But you’re so old.”

 

He barks out a laugh at her statement.It _is_ true, seeing as he’s twelve years older than her.He can’t help but think that to her he probably seems ancient.

 

“You don’t care and you know it.”He snakes his right arm around her and pulls her toward him just enough that their faces are only about a hand’s width apart.“It doesn’t matter what age I am; you like me and not the way you like Finn or anyone else.You want to be with me.”His gaze is unwavering as he leans forward, skimming the tip of his nose along hers.His voice drops to a low, quiet timbre, almost a whisper, when he continues.“You saved me.You were relieved and happy when I woke up.You cried over me and you yell at me to stop trying to kill myself because you like me.I died and you brought me back to life.You brought me back from the dead, Rey.”

 

She scrunches her nose again at his remark.“Uck, I put my lips on a corpse.”

 

He doesn’t hold back the low chuckle that rattles his chest as he leans forward just enough that their lips finally meet again.The kiss is slow, as if they have all the time in the galaxy to savor each part of this, even though they know they don’t.The planet around them could burn to ash and it wouldn’t be enough to pull their attention from this.

 

When they finally do break the kiss, he places another to her right cheek.Then, with his lips grazing her ear, he whispers, “and now you’ve put your lips on a living, very happy man.”

 

He’s not sure what to expect as a response, so he’s pleasantly surprised when he feels her arms tighten around him, holding him in an embrace while a laugh escapes her.Even more, he’s surprised when she turns her head to burrow her face into the crook of his neck.It’s enough to send his heart rate soaring, though he feels more relaxed and happy when he realizes that her pulse matches his.The sniffle that comes from where she’s still hidden herself against his neck catches his attention, though.

 

“Hey, Jedi, why the tears?”The words are quiet against her ear and he strokes her hair as he talks.“Tell me what’s going on.”

 

“I was scared that you were gone.”It’s so quiet that he almost misses it but he’s glad he doesn’t.

 

He knows that he should be sad right now.He knows he should feel immensely guilty that she’s crying and feeling this much pain over him.He knows he should be worried.And he is all of those things but beyond just that, he’s also a bit happy, excited, satisfied, and maybe proud that it _is him_ she’s fretting over.It does feel good to know he has that type of affection and meaning to someone else; that he is cared about so deeply.There’s been an extended amount of time since he’s felt that.Sure, he’s a terrible flirt— something he knows he’ll have to rectify if they survive this— and he has had some flings over the years but he hasn’t had a relationship in which he really and truly felt like his partner valued him this way.Really, he doesn’t think he’s felt anything close to it outside of his relationship with his father and grandfather and that is obviously very different.

 

“But I’m not; I’m right here, Rey.And it’s because of you, my Jedi.It’s because you’re wonderful and ridiculous and so damn stubborn and bossy.Even when it grates on me I know I can’t do anything other than what you tell me to do.I couldn’t stay dead if I wanted to.”

 

He presses a kiss to her temple before wrapping his arms around her again, tighter than last time.They stay like that wordlessly, slightly rocking in silence.Even though her face is splotchy and her eyes are rimmed with red when she looks up at him, he can only think right then she’s the most beautiful woman he’ll ever meet.He has a sneaking suspicion that’s not going to change for him.

 

“Are you OK?”

 

She nods and belatedly croaks out a weak ‘yes’ but avoids eye contact.

 

“I meant what I said, Rey.Everything about you draws me to you, even if you drive me nuts.”

 

“Was that supposed to be a compliment?You’re not very good at this, are you, Pilot?”

 

“I drive you nuts, too, and you know what I mean.I’m drawn to you in a way I can’t ignore.”

 

“You have the worst timing, Dameron.”

 

“So do you because I’m certain I’m not the only one feeling this way.”He pulls away in favor of pushing himself up to standing.“Come on, we’re still in the middle of a mission.We should take a look at the damage to the ship.”

 

“Right.” 

 

She stands quickly and wobbles as she reaches her feet.The energy has drained from her fully— she knew it would but had held out hope that it wouldn’t be this drastic. 

 

“Are you OK?”He’s quick to wrap a steadying arm around her waist.“Rey?”She can hear the concern laced in his voice.

 

“Force healing always takes a toll on the Force user doing it.”Her breaths are more shallow now as if she’d just run a long distance instead of sat on the ground next to him.“The more severe the wound, the more draining it is.”

 

“So this is because you saved me?”

 

“Don’t sound so guilty.I’ll be fine.”

 

“Let’s get you into the ship to rest, then.We can fix the ship later.”

 

 

By the time they reach the crew quarters, she’s shivering and cold to the touch.

 

“Is this supposed to happen, Rey?”

 

“It’s fine.I just need to get warm.”Her words are slowed by the chattering of her teeth.

 

“You’re not convincing me too well when you can’t stop shivering.”

 

The bed in the crew quarters is surprisingly nice, which, when Poe had first seen it, further confirmed his suspicions that the ship was meant for use by an officer of at least moderate rank.Overall the room itself is small but not cramped, featuring a small table and space for a crew member to place belongings for longer trips.Early in the morning on the day they had departed, Poe had dropped off his own belongings in the room next door, which is the mirror image of this one.

 

The blanket is adequate for normal circumstances but Poe notes that he’ll need to fetch more as he pulls back the blanket and sheet for Rey to slip into the bed.Once she’s settled and he’s removed her boots, he pulls the blanket around her and turns to leave.

 

“Don’t go.”Her hand shoots out to grasp his wrist in an uncharacteristic display of need.

 

“I’m just going to get more blankets for you.I’ll be right back.”His smile is gentle as he steps out of her reach.

 

He returns several moments later, his arms laden with a few more blankets— every single blanket he could find in the ship— and busies himself covering Rey with them.She’s still awake, her eyelids fluttering with the tell tale signs of fatigue as she watches him work.

 

“You should go to sleep, Jedi.Don’t worry— I’ll keep myself from dying while you do.”She frowns at his joke so he decides to change the subject.“The door to the ramp needs to be closed so we don’t get any unwanted visitors.It will only take a moment.”

 

As much as Rey had admonished him not to feel guilty about her current state, he can’t help but be addled with it as he walks to the back of the ship and punches the button to close the door.He wants to believe that she will be fine but her constant shivering and fatigue worries him that she’s playing off a condition that is more serious.Even if she can recover, will it be enough for her to have the strength to fight Snoke?Has he unwittingly endangered the entire mission and her life?

 

By the time he returns to her bedside, his mind has traveled to dark places it usually does not reach.Many regard him as optimistic and positive— how surprised any of them would be to see him at this moment.He must be thinking too loudly because Rey looks up at him with intense concern as he takes a seat on the edge of the bed and rests a hand on her cheek.

 

“You haven’t endangered anything, Poe.I’ll be back to normal in the morning.”

 

“How do you know that?”

 

She rolls her eyes at him, at least not so out of it as to have lost her unrelenting needling.“Because Master Luke told me.”Her teeth chatter throughout her words, further concerning him.

 

“Here.”His jacket shrugs off his shoulders and falls to the floor with a soft thud and he quickly unties his boots and pulls them off.It’s difficult not to disturb the layers of blankets covering her so much that it exposes her to the cold as he slips under them, but he tries as best as he can.Turning on his side he opens his arms to her.“You’ll get warmer quicker with extra body heat.”

 

It’s only a few seconds of hesitation before she nods and slides the short distance to rest flush against his chest.His arms wrap around her while hers come up so her hands can grasp on to the front of his shirt and both of them revel in how this feels natural.It’s him who voices it.

 

“I don’t wanna sound too sentimental but this?It just feels right.”

 

She doesn’t answer immediately but turns her head so her ear is pressed against his chest so she can hear his heart beat. 

 

“I know.” 

 

It’s a whisper but he doesn’t care— it’s all he needs to hear.

 

Slowly he runs his hands over her back, hoping to both soothe and warm her more quickly.It’s not long before her breaths deepen and even out and her body relaxes against him.When the tug of sleep comes he doesn’t fight it, figuring that he can doze for a while— after all, he did die and come back to life today.


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Glad that folks like the last chapter so much. This one and the next are not as action packed/interesting but also important to the story, I swear. 
> 
> Thanks so much for reading!

It’s strange waking up to the features of someone you formerly had sworn your distaste for.To now see that person in a different light and to contemplate that you actually _enjoy_ the person’s presence and even _want_ to be near them proves even disorienting.What a difference a day makes.Rey wonders silently to herself how she had gotten here as she considers the crew quarters in which she wakes.

Really, she knows how they got to this point but still her mind reels from this reality.But she needs to put that from her mind for now.Her energy must be focused solely on her mission— a mission that will determine the future of the Resistance and countless lives.No pressure. 

For the first time since leaving the base she desperately wishes she had the company of Luke.It would even be enough if she had said a true and thoughtful goodbye to him but she hadn’t, not really.She had been so consumed with her own grappling with her want to do the mission herself and her argument with Finn that she hadn’t prioritized or really devoted much of any thought to her moments with her father. Her father, who she very well may never see again. Both of them are embarking on dangerous tasks and they have no way of knowing the consequences of them on their own lives. 

Ever since Luke revealed her parentage to her while they were on Ahch-To, she’s struggled to reconcile that revelation with the narrative she had written for her life over the years.More than a decade of solitude has left her wary of any attachments with others.If Luke’s new Jedi Order conformed to the old rules, she would have easily been able to abide them; she naturally would tend toward loneliness.Luke had, however, years ago abandoned such requirements, deeming that the Order must evolve with the demands of time.The archaic rule seemed inordinately difficult to adhere to, setting students and Masters toward failure with such incredible demands.

Besides, she wouldn’t exist if Luke had observed the old ways.She can’t find it in herself to fault him when her own existence depends on him ignoring the tradition.

But it doesn’t necessitate that she look fondly on the bleak reality that was her childhood and life up until a few months ago.She had told Poe she didn’t regret or feel bitterness about her childhood or that her life might have been different had Kylo Ren not made an attempt on her young life or Luke’s friends had not been killed.She meant that but still she can feel some pangs of sadness at those lost years, though they are now less painful than they had been when Luke first recounted the story to her.

_It has only been two days since she stood before the aging Jedi, her hand extended to present his lightsaber to him.He had refused it, telling her that it no longer called to him as it once had.That it needed a new wielder who could engage it in the battle for the light once again.His words had confused and worried her— did he mean he would not teach her? When she voiced the question he had denied it, instead stating that her future would extend far beyond his._

_It had then taken her those full two days to finally amass the courage to ask the other question she fervently wishes to have answered._

_“Did you know my parents?”_

_He stops his bustling about the hut in preparation of dinner to look over to her pleading eyes._

_“Yes, I did.”_

_“Can you tell me about them?”_

_“I—“ he looks away, uncomfortable with her steady gaze.He’s unsure how to proceed.No amount of Jedi training could prepare him for this.Suddenly he feels great empathy for Obi Wan those years ago when he had asked the Jedi this same question.So he stops and lets himself lean back against a chair so he can look at her.“What do you remember of your parents, Rey?”_

_“Nothing, really.My earliest memory is of a ship flying in to Jakku’s atmosphere while I cried from the sands for it to come back, for my parents to return.”_

_“So there is no memory of their likeness whatsoever.”_

_“None.”She sounds so sad that it nearly breaks his heart all over again as it had the day he sent her away._

_“Your mother was a talented Jedi— beyond the skill of almost all.There was so much she taught me.It really wasn’t fair how effortless she made everything appear; the Force so naturally bent around her.I’d never seen anything like that before and haven’t since until meeting you.You look so much like her that when I first saw you I had momentarily thought she had returned to us.”_

_“So you did know her.What happened to her?”_

_“As Snoke began to rise to power she became increasingly wary of his influence and motives.She could feel the disturbance in the Force that he caused not just around him but even in the young Jedi padawans.Long before anyone, including Han and Leia and myself, recognized the threat he posted to the galaxy, she knew and left to confront him.She left in the night with no warning to the rest of us.She wanted to do it alone— she felt she had to.During her confrontation he killed her.You were only two at the time.”_

_She’s blinking back the tears that threaten at the edges of her eyes.“And what about my father?”_

_“Your father, much like you, grew up on a desert planet: Tatooine.Also like you, he didn’t know his parents and had instead been raised by his Aunt and Uncle in their absence.” She knows this story sounds familiar but she can’t remember where or when she heard it exactly so she assumes it must have been as a small child, perhaps before she had been left on Jakku.“He left, finally, to train as a Jedi and help with the Rebellion against the Empire.”_

_“Is that when you met him?”_

_He sighs heavily at her question.“You could say that.”His hands scrub over his face, which suddenly looks more weary than it had moments before.“Rey, I do not wish to mislead you through withholding the full truth of your family as happened to me at your age.”He sighs again and closes his eyes before uttering his next words.“Rey, I am your father.”Internally he cannot help but cringe at the familiar words that he remembers hearing from the man who was the monster in his nightmares.He can’t bring himself to open his eyes and look at her, certain he’ll see reflected back to him that he now is the monster to her._

_“What?”How is this…”_

_Begrudgingly he forces himself to look at her.“I met your mother after the fall of the Empire.It was hardly love at first sight: we fought in our first encounter.”_

_“Why?”_

_“She was a Sith Apprentice.”_

__  
“What?”  


_“After the death of the Emperor and my father— Darth Vader— another Sith master rose in the galaxy and had taken her as an Apprentice.I was surprised when I heard since I thought my father had been the last of the Sith.When I met her it was because I had been notified of her existence and her own exploits.I had come to confront her and ultimately destroy her._

_“But she was much more powerful than I thought.From the first moment I knew I wouldn’t win; it was obvious that my informants had neglected to include the important fact that she was probably the most powerful Force user in the galaxy.”_

_“But you said my mother was a Jedi.”_

_“She was.Her master had betrayed her: he knew I was searching for her and planned to confront her yet he hid the information from her, leaving her to be surprised by my appearance.It took a while still to convince her but eventually she left the ways of the Sith and instead began training in the ways of the light.”_

_“Is that when you fell in love?”_

_“No,” he smiles at the memories of those long-lost years, “for me it had happened long before that.For her it was sometime after she turned to the light.It felt like forever but I would have waited an eternity for her if there was even the smallest hope that she’d eventually come to care for me the way I did for her.”_

_“What happened after she died?”_

_“I spent my time rebuilding the Jedi Order, teaching my new Apprentices, and raising a young girl as spirited and talented as her mother.Those were busy years but they were my happiest.I didn’t know then how I would look back on them over the coming years and wish to return to them.”_

_“So why did you abandon me on Jakku?”The words have an edge of anger and accusation to them and he can’t fault her for it.He’s not surprised she would assume he abandoned her._

_“I didn’t abandon you, Rey.Ben—Leia and Han’s son, your cousin— had fallen under Snoke’s influence.In all of my work I had failed to notice early enough.I underestimated the hold Snoke could have on a young Force user even from so far away.Much of me believes your mother would have noticed had she still been alive._

_“As Ben turned from the light and transformed into Kylo Ren, Snoke gave him tasks to prove his loyalty.One of them was to kill you.I discovered the plan before he could follow through but I knew I couldn’t leave you exposed to such danger so I did the only thing I knew could protect you: I hid you._

_“Over the years I had made friends throughout the galaxy.A great number of them came from my time in the Rebellion.It was then, when I needed to hide you from Ben, that I found myself relying on them.Two of my friends agreed to take you and raise you as their own far from me in an undisclosed location.Eventually they wouldtell you the truth of your past.I didn’t know until years later that they had died while traveling with you.I was told that a child had died as well so I thought you had perished with them.By then, Kylo Ren had attacked the Academy and slaughtered the students.There was nothing left for me: the love of my life, my child, and my life’s work had all been taken from me.So I left it all in search of solitude and peace that I knew I couldn’t find in the Republic or the Resistance.”_

_“Why couldn’t I have stayed with you?”_

_“Rey, every moment you were with me you were in the gravest danger.Ben wanted both of us dead and I knew he wouldn’t stop his attempts, especially the ones on my life.Letting you go was the only way to protect you.”_

_“How old was I?”_

_“Six.”_

_“So why don’t I remember you?”_

_“I erased all memory you had of me in case Kylo Ren or Snoke could use it to find you.It also meant you would have no memory from before Jakku or memories of the Force.I promise you that if I could have found another way, I would have done that.It has tortured me every day to live with that decision and wonder if, in the end, it was the right one.”_

The wound from that conversation still aches.Knowing that he felt the same pain over her absence for years makes it worse.They could have saved each other from the ache of loneliness if Kylo Ren hadn't fallen, if her memories hadn’t been erased, if Luke hadn't sent her away, if his friends hadn’t died, if he had known she lived.There are so many ways that a small yet crucial difference would have saved them both from the sentence of solitude.

Poe was right: a person can drown in ‘what if’.

Her thoughts are heavy; too heavy for this small space she shares with Poe as he blissfully sleeps unaware.She needs space and the touch of nature instead of durasteel so she carefully extricates her limbs from where they tangle with his.The number of blankets she must push from her makes her smile again at her companion’s sleeping form and the memory of how concerned he was about her being cold.It’s still so strange to have someone care for her so.

On quiet feet that she’s trained over years of scavenging, she creeps from the room and through the halls of the ship till she reaches the release for the ramp.Once it’s lowered she descends to the planet’s surface with equal quiet she had used on the ship.

There’s a foggy haze that drapes over the early morning horizon hiding plants and far off structures.The obscurity is comforting right now when everything feels so imposing; it's a relief to have the world out of focus for even a short time.All about her the green blades blanketing the ground shine with the accumulated condensation that will burn off in the full morning light later, but it doesn’t stop her from taking a seat on the ground.Truly, the novelty of water naturally occurring so abundantly has not worn off as she regards it with a sense of wonder each time.The idea of actually being wet from it still baffles her.

Peace finds her for those minutes as the sun rises before her.For the first time in days she feels a true stillness to not just the galaxy but herself.Tentatively she reaches out in the Force for the signature that has become so familiar to her over the past months.It's too far for her to truly communicate to him through their bond but it’s enough to know that he’s still safe.This will likely be the last time she’ll be able to have such assurance until the mission is complete since she'll need to cloak her Force signature as she has been.She’s taking an incredibly risk just in letting her signature be revealed so.When she feels the tug at the other end of their bond reassuring her he’s sensed her, she can’t claim to regret taking that chance.Regardless, she conceals her signature again before specific other Force users sense her presence.

“I remember when you first learned to do that.”

There’s a feminine voice that comes from off on the side saying the words.She instantly looks around and catches the glowing form of a woman with dark hair and light skin dressed in the Jedi robes.A Force ghost.

“Excuse me?Who are—“

“It’s me, Rey.”

_Mother.My Mother._

“Mother?”

The ghost smiles faintly at the word.“I used to dream of the day I’d hear you call me that.The reality is more than I had ever imagined.”She takes a seat next to Rey on the ground.

“Why didn't you ever come to me before?”

“You needed time before the Force ghost of your mother barged into your life.”

“So why now?”

“Because right now you need the strength that I needed to confront Snoke.While your Pilot and father are wonderful, this is something I know best.”She looks at Rey for a few long moments before continuing.“You learned to hide your Force signature when you were two.Neither Luke nor I taught you; we found out one day when you hid in the house and we couldn’t find you.At first we were terrified, thinking that you had wandered away or been kidnapped but then we found you hiding and realized that we were in for much more than we originally thought.You were already more gifted than either one of us.”

“I was two?So not long after that you confronted Snoke.”

“Yes.”

“Why did you do it?”

“I knew there was no way he wouldn’t threaten you one day soon.I didn’t want to wait and see the cautionary visions I had come to pass.Your father and I fought about it bitterly for days after I told him my plan.He didn’t want me to do it at all and he begged me not to do it or to at least have us do it together but I didn’t want to risk you losing both of us.”She turns to look back to the horizon.“I left in the middle of the night so he wouldn’t be able to stop me.I knew he would never agree but I had to do it.”  


“I don’t remember any of this.”Rey’s voice catches mid sentence and tears form in the corners of her eyes.“I don’t remember anything of either of you.”A sob breaks free and rings out in the moist air louder than she would like.

“I know, darling.Your father wrestled with that decision for months before he made it.You were the sunlight in his day and he had to accept that he would have to let you go for your own safety.Long before that he had decided that he would leave the Academy, his students, and everything about the Jedi if it meant that he could keep you protected but he knew that you would still be in danger as long as Ben knew you existed and as long as you were with Luke.It was his only choice.”

“There couldn’t have been another way?”

Sadly, the older woman shakes her head.“He loved you more than anything.The moment you were born you became his whole world; I could see it when he held you the first time.There wasn’t anything he wouldn’t do for you and he spent months looking for every option that would keep you with him even somewhat.Leia and Han tried so hard to help him but they all realized after months of searching for a way that the only one would be for you to be sent away and not have any memory of your life with us.The decision nearly killed him.For a while I feared it would.”

“How did you…”

“I’ve watched your life from within the Force.Your life and his.”

“Were we a happy family?”

“Yes; the happiest.After I died your father wouldn’t have made it through without you there to remind him why he cared so much about protecting the galaxy.The two of you were happy. You adored him just as much as he did you.When you came to Ahch-To, I hadn’t seen him that happy since before he sent you away.He will never be able to tell you what it means to have you returned to him.”

“No, I suppose not.”Rey looks over at her mother, taking in her profile to memorize each detail.“I thought you were supposed to help me prepare for confronting Snoke.”

“That’s what this is.Snoke will prey on every weakness you have: each feeling of anger or despair or pain you have over your father or I, every moment of struggle, every single worry you have for the people you care about.He’ll try to use all of this against you.The best shield against this is knowing with confidence that you are loved.”

“He would use my pain and my anger at Luke against me.”

“Yes, to draw you in, pull you to the dark side.Don’t let him.Remember what I’ve told you and remember how much you clearly are cared about not just by your father and I but also your pilot.”

“I will.”

The glow around her mother begins to dim.

“I’m almost out of time.Just remember I’m always here for you.”

“Thank you.”

She walks off into the fog until she disappears from Rey’s view.It’s silent and still again and Rey decides to absorb it even though her pants are soaked through from the ground and it does feel chilly.It doesn’t bother her so she sits alone until she hears footsteps approaching her from behind.She turns to see Poe, still sleepy-eyed, stop a couple strides away with his hands in his pockets.

“Good morning.I thought you might be out here when I woke up and you were gone.”

“Sorry if I alarmed you.”

He shakes his head at her as he walks to her side to sit. “You have nothing to be sorry for.How are you feeling?”

She looks at him quizzically as he sheds his jacket and settles it on her shoulders.He begins to coax her arms through its sleeves.

“You’re the one who died yesterday.Why am I the one being asked how I’m feeling?”

He looks at her with what might be the most earnest expression she’s ever seen.

“Because unlike you, Jedi, I can’t heal you with the Force so I can only nurse you the old fashioned way.” He leans in closer, holding her gaze.“So don’t go doing anything brave and reckless.You’re supposed to return to base with me.”

“Why is that?”

He pulls back and gives her a lopsided grin.

“I have to take you on a proper date if I’m going to have a shot at sticking around, don’t I?That’s reason enough.”Her confused look makes him question what he just said until an obvious thought occurs to him.“Has anyone ever taken you on a date?”

Her cheeks color, which is answer enough as is. “No.No one really has the resources for that on Jakku.”

“Well then, Rey, may I please take you on your first date?”

“If we make it back safely, yes.”

The dance of light leaves his eyes and his expression turns much more serious as he wraps both arms around her and pulls her close to him.

“We’re going to make it back, Rey.I know we are.And then you’re going to owe me a date so don’t say yes unless you mean it.”

The corners of her mouth twitch up toward a smile momentarily before she runs her hand along his jawline and pulls him to her so their lips meet.Several moments later their lips part enough for her to whisper.

“I mean every word of it.”

“Good, because I don’t think I can take it if you don’t.”He pauses momentarily to appreciate the closeness that has them sharing air with each other; a closeness that this time yesterday he would have just been quietly hoping for but pretending not to be.“But really, how are you feeling?”

“Much better: not so tired or cold.Mostly back to normal.I can take a look at the ship now and get us back up and running.”

“You sure you can fix a First Order ship like this?”

“I can fix anything.”


	11. Chapter 11

And it turns out she _can_ fix anything, though Poe shouldn’t be surprised given that she did repair the entire inventory of X-Wings and spruce up this ship in a single afternoon.He’s no slouch when it comes to ship mechanics but her skill is beyond his, especially when it comes to First Order ships. She proclaims that it’s not the best job given their limited supplies but that it will suffice until they can get to their check in, which is on the other side of the planet.He feels confident the temporary repairs won’t pose a problem but he knows the local military might be and he holds his breath just a little bit the entire flight.

 

“So how is it that there’s a rendezvous point on this planet when the local military isn’t integrated into the Resistance enough to know our mission?”

 

“It’s a small base; really just a limited outpost to keep an eye on things and fix and refuel ships when need be.It’s hardly used.The local military may have some limited knowledge of it— enough to keep everyone from getting in each other’s airspace— but not of its inner workings or what we’re doing.It’s not the only one like it out there.” 

 

He calls in their landing clearance code and smiles when he hears a familiar voice at the other end of the comm.

 

“Dameron, what the kriff are you doing all the way out in this part of the galaxy?”

 

“Here to collect on that bet you lost, Keeter.”

 

“ _You_ lost that bet; not me.”

 

“That’s not how I remember it.How about we settle that _after_ we land this thing?”He glances over to Rey quickly once the comm cuts off.“Old friend.”

 

The check point is small like he said; it’s basically a glorified warehouse that he knows has been modified to have a MedBay and several rooms for people as well as a central information and surveillance hub.Situated just far enough from the populated areas, nothing about it draws attention or suspicion.

 

Once they’ve landed, Poe immediately stands and begins to make his way out of the cockpit, only to stop when he realizes that a certain brunette is missing from his side.Turning, he sees that she’s busying herself with shut down protocol and checking systems.

 

“They’ll take care of that, Rey.You don’t have to worry about it.”

 

She acts like she doesn’t hear a word he’s saying, which sends momentary panic through him.Did he do something wrong?Thinking over the past couple hours he can’t think of anything that would upset her.The images of her obvious discomfort at parties back on base come to mind and he feels slightly stupid for not thinking of this earlier.Quietly he slips back to the co-pilot seat and leans his elbows atop his thighs as he looks at her.

 

“The guy who runs this place is an old buddy of mine— he’s a good guy— he’ll get us all set up and introduce us to everyone.It’s a small crew out here; nothing like the crowd of the base.”He tilts his head and continues to look at her, hoping for a response of some sort.He doesn’t get one.“Rey?”

 

She knows he’s trying to reassure her but her mind can’t process it right now.Despite her earlier reassurances, she’s tired and she doesn’t look forward to navigating a social situation with people she doesn’t know.It’d be much better to stay with what she knows is safe at least until she can better collect herself.

 

“I should really check the systems and take a look at how the repairs are holding up and talk to the mechanics.They’re probably not used to working on a First Order ship but I recognize some of the hardware from the older Empire ships and can give them advice.”She glances over at him then but is careful to avert her eyes back to her task as quickly as possible.“You should go talk to your friend; it’s been a while, I’m sure.I’ll be fine.”

 

That’s his dismissal and he knows it so he stands and places a gentle hand on her shoulder.“OK.Take your time— I’ll get the rundown from Keeter and be waiting for you outside when you’re ready.”

 

Keeter’s waiting for him at the bottom of the ramp and immediately shakes Poe’s hand and pulls him into a familiar hug.They begin walking from the ship over to the side of the small hangar.

 

“You’re in one piece— that’s good.I got reports of the local military firing on a First Order ship.”

 

“Yeah, it took both of us to get out of that one; I got to test out the gunner on this.”He points a thumb behind him at the ship they just landed.“We took some pretty significant damage, though, and had to stop last night until we could repair it this morning, otherwise we would have been here sooner.”

 

“Don’t worry, we’ll get you back up and running in no time.But I thought you were supposed to be with Skywalker’s student.”

 

“I am.She’s just a stickler about checking all the systems and talking to the mechanics, you know.”

 

“Ah, I like her already.”Keeter claps him on the shoulder.“How’s Kes doing these days— still on Yavin?”

 

“Yeah, he’s good last time I talked to him.Enjoying retirement.”

 

“That sounds nice: retirement.”

 

“That’s because you’re getting old.”

 

“Yeah, well, you’re not too far behind me.”The older man cuts off as his attention is drawn over to the ship and Poe turns to see what he’s looking at.Sure enough, Rey has come down the ramp and is busy talking to one of the mechanics, pointing to different areas of damage on the ship.“ _That’s_ the Jedi— Skywalker’s student? Sithspit, I didn’t know they made Jedi like _that_.Sign _me_ up for the Jedi Academy.” 

 

Poe doesn’t miss the way his old friend is watching Rey’s every move, almost like an acklay spying its next lunch.He can feel his stomach twisting.It’s not that Poe thinks the guy would _do_ anything to Rey and Keeter certainly wouldn’t hurt her but after everything that’s happened he hates the idea of one of his oldest friends flirting with her.

 

“Yeah, well, I wouldn’t get any wild ideas; she’s pretty terrifying in a fight, even to Kylo Ren.Rumor is he has a scar on his face from her.She’s still not a big fan of new people so I wouldn’t want to make her mad if I were you; she may look young and harmless but she’s not.”

 

Silently he hopes that the heat he can feel crawling up his neck doesn’t spread far enough above his shirt collar for Keeter to notice but once the other man turns to look at him and a grin splits his face, Poe remembers how much the galaxy seems to hate him at random intervals lately.

 

“I see: you like her.You know, you could have just said that and told me to lay off instead of telling me how scary she is.”

 

_Yes, yes I do like her, and I can’t stand the idea of you near her._

 

He’d love to say the words to his friend but he realizes quickly why he can’t: he and Rey haven’t really talked about what all of this means.She saved his life but she’s a Jedi; isn’t that part of what they do?She’d saved his life when she couldn’t stand to be in the same room as him and he’s certainly saved people without any romantic inclination associated with it; clearly it doesn’t mean the same thing to them as it can to other people.But this one time he would really like it to mean something more.And yes, they’d kissed a few times— kriff he loved kissing her so much that he’s been thinking about it practically to distraction all day— but he can’t tell Keeter that without knowing if Rey wants anyone to know.Well, and without knowing what Rey actually wants this to be.Sure, she’d agreed to a date when this mission is over but that’s not exactly the broader commitment that would warrant other people knowing and he’s already messed up enough when it comes to her, he doesn’t want to do it again.If he wants to have a shot at _anything_ with her, he needs to tread carefully.It’s best for him to push his friend to believe there’s nothing between them at least until he’s sure.

 

“Keeter, have you been chewing the luna-weed?”Poe raises an eyebrow at the man and crosses his arms, hoping to appear annoyed by the idea of being with her.“We can barely stand being around each other; she’s a total pain in the ass.I almost didn’t survive the trip here without losing my mind.”

 

The words do nothing to erase the smile from his friend’s face, and if anything, it broadens.

 

“Caraya’s soul, you’ve got it bad.I never thought I’d see the day when _Poe Dameron_ would fall for someone.Kes will be over the moon when he finds out, if he doesn’t have a heart attack first from the shock.”

 

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.Like I said: we can barely stand each other.”

 

“Yeah, that’s why you volunteered for this incredibly dangerous mission that didn’t require a second person.”He can’t help but look at his friend in alarm.Word gets around fast, apparently.

 

“I only did that because she saved my skin on The Finalizer after we picked up Master Skywalker.”

 

“Sure, Dameron.Just remember that I’ve known you for a long time and you’re a terrible liar.”Keeter chuckles as he watches Rey.Poe can feel his stomach sinking.“If she irritates you so much, why is she wearing your jacket?”

 

“My job is to make sure she comes back alright.She’s from a desert planet; she doesn’t handle cold well.”

 

“You just have an excuse for everything, don’t you?”

 

“It’s not an excuse if it’s just an honest explanation.”

 

“Fine, then.If you’re not interested in her, then why don’t you introduce us?”

 

“Keeter, I have to introduce you to her anyway.”

 

“Yeah, but the quicker you introduce me to her, the quicker I can ask her to have a drink with me.”He grins again at Poe.“Unless there’s a reason you _wouldn’t_ want me to ask her.”

 

_I hate this._

 

“Nope, just trying to save you from getting sliced in half by a lightsaber.If she can resist my face, then you don’t stand a chance.”The next time Rey glances in their direction, Poe waves her over to them.“Don’t say I didn’t warn you.”

 

“Oh, I don’t need a warning.Remember which one of us has the better track record with women.”

 

Rey comes to stop a few feet away from them with a small smile on her face but a slightly wary look in her eye.The leather of his jacket swallows her slight figure in its too-long sleeves with cuffs she’s pushed up and the hemline resting below her hips.He loves the sight and for a moment his mind wanders to how she would look in one of his shirts, hair rumpled from sleep while she’s wrapped up with him, but then he shakes himself back to reality.He doesn’t need to look to know that Keeter is watching him intently.

 

“Rey, I want to introduce you to an old friend of mine and the man in charge of this outpost: Captain Jerome Keeter.” He motions to the man next to him that offers his hand for Rey to shake, which she does.

 

“It’s exciting to meet you, Rey; I’ve heard a lot about you.”He smiles warmly at her and after a few moments stops shaking her hand but still doesn’t let it go.“It’s not every day we have a Jedi here, much less one who’s rumored to be an amazing pilot.”

 

“I’m not a Jedi yet; only an Apprentice.I have a lot to learn still.”Poe almost audibly lets out a sigh of relief when she drops Keeter’s hand to look over at Poe and return to the conversation she’d initiated while still on board the ship.“Like I thought, the mechanics didn’t really know much about the wiring differences and system variations on a First Order ship.”

 

“I’m betting they do now after talking to you.”

 

“Yeah, a few pointers, though I’ll probably check back with them in a while just to see it’s going well.”

 

“Wait, so you’re a mechanic too?”Keeter looks between Poe and Rey in something like entertained disbelief.“Is there anything you _can’t_ do?”

 

And there’s Keeter’s fatal mistake: while Poe’s friend can usually crutch conversation on compliments, Poe can tell that Rey not only is unimpressed by such an obvious tactic but even seems mildly annoyed.

 

“Plenty.Most of the things I do know are because they’ve been practical at some point.”

 

“That’s still amazing.Well, we’ll get you two set up with what you need for the rest of your trip and make sure the ship’s in shape— should have you ready to go by tomorrow.But we can get you some decent food tonight.Rey, maybe then, over a drink, you can tell me more about how you learned to fly?”

 

Her brows furrow momentarily and then she glances over at Poe with concern.“Uh, I think Poe and I are going to do some planning for the rest of our mission since our timeline is now changed.Right, Poe?”

 

_She’s uncomfortable.She needs an out._

 

“Yeah, we were.”

 

“Oh, well, I invited Poe, too.”When Poe glances over to Keeter, he sees how the other man’s eyes sparkle with amusement.“He wanted to see how you felt before giving me an answer.”

 

Poe knows what Keeter’s doing and he’s mildly confident that it won’t be as successful as the man thinks.

 

“Well, then I guess we could for a little while.”

 

Her eyes betray weariness and immediately Poe realizes how tired she must still be, no matter how much she claimed this morning that she’d recovered from healing him the night before.He can feel the muscles in his arms twitch with the impulse to wrap around her and whisper to her that they can go to their rooms right now and she can sleep in his arms again like she did last night.Instead he stuffs them in his pants pockets so he doesn’t do that and embarrass her in front of everyone.When she fails to stifle a yawn, however, he decides he should at least say something.

 

“You should go rest for a while—Keeter can have someone show you to one of the empty rooms.I can make sure that the mechanics don’t destroy the ship for a couple standard hours.”

 

Her face is an obvious mixture of gratitude and concern.She must be really tired because she nods without an argument.“Come get me before they try to test any of their repairs?”

 

“Of course.”

 

“And keep yourself from dying.”

 

“I think I can manage for a while— I did for thirty-two years before I met you.”

 

“Not very well from what I hear.”

 

“What, worried you won’t get to see this beautiful face enough, Jedi?”

 

She looks at Keeter with a raised eyebrow and a look of irritation that Poe can tell is feigned.“So, has he always been this way?”

 

“Worse, actually.”He remarks before he calls to one of the soldiers who’s standing several paces away.“Kendrix will show you to the empty room.Please forgive me that I situated you two next to each other.It’s what’s available.”

 

“I’ve had worse but not by much.”

 

“Alright, alright, get out of here and get some rest—you can snark at me later, Jedi.”

 

Poe waves her off with an eye roll, hoping to end this strange conversation before any real damage can be done.He doesn’t think he’s imagining the way Rey’s weight shifts toward him but then stops as though she intended to approach him.Maybe she feels the same impulses he does to return to the closeness they had shared the night before and that morning.Or maybe he’s just being hopeful.Regardless, there’s only a moment of hesitation before Rey instead turns and walks out of the hangar with Kendrix.

 

“I think she likes me.”Keeter proclaims it to he pilot with a broad grin.

 

“Optimism isn’t a bad thing, I guess.”

 

Their conversation is cut off by one of the mechanics addressing Keeter.

 

“Sir, the repairs will require more than we anticipated.The ship took extensive damage.”

 

He glances between Poe and the mechanic. “We knew that, didn’t we?”

 

“You…you should come look at this, Captain.”

 

Poe holds his breath as they walk over together, knowing what it is that the mechanic wants his friend to see.It will only bring another conversation and questions he doesn’t want to deal with right now.It looks, however, as though it’s going to happen whether he likes it or not as they approach the ship, walking straight to where the gunner hatch used to be but now is mostly just fragmented and melted metal.

 

The mechanic explains to them both what the options are to make sure that the remains of the structure don’t threaten the ship’s integrity at light speed.Poe considers the options presented but ultimately decides to leave it up to Rey, telling the mechanic to check with her when she returns later.They have enough other repairs to keep them busy until then so it won’t slow anything down.Once the mechanic has walked away, though, Poe knows he has to face his friend’s questions that he really doesn’t want to answer.

 

“Didn’t you say you were in this thing?”

 

“Yeah, I was.”

 

“But you weren’t when it got obliterated.”

 

“No, I was.”

 

“How in all the galaxy did you survive that?”

 

“That’s the thing: I didn’t.”

 

“Wait, what?How did you…”Poe holds the Captain’s gaze for several moments before letting his eyes slowly drift over to the exit Rey had walked through not long ago.Understanding obviously strikes his friend then.“You’re kidding.But you don’t even look like you have a bruise.”

 

“Yeah, I know.”

 

“She can do that?”

 

“Amazing; I know.”

 

“But I thought Jedi couldn’t bring people back from…” he leaves off those two words.

 

“I don’t think they can.She did some emergency medical technique she knows to deal with…that, but I was in rough shape.Pretty soon all of that work wouldn’t have mattered.So she healed the rest with her…other abilities.”

 

“Holy Sith. You’re _serious_?”

 

“Even I’m not creative enough to make this up.”

 

“Well, I can understand why you’ve got it so bad, then.That’s incredible.”

 

“Look, just because she saved my life a few times doesn’t mean I’m automatically in love with her.”

 

Keeter gives him an amused yet predatory smile.“Who said anything about love, Dameron?”Being on this side of that joke isn’t as entertaining, Poe realizes.“But if we are talking about that, I don’t think anyone would fault you for falling for a multi-talented, beautiful Force user who can save your life.Oh, and who has multiple times, apparently.There are worse decisions you could make.I know— I’ve seen you make them.”

 

“I don’t make bad decisions.”  


“Do you remember that time you went after a bomber by yourself?Or basically any of your decisions regarding women?”

 

“I’m not _that_ bad.”

 

“Yeah you are, but with this you would be turning over a whole new leaf, Dameron.She’s pretty amazing.”

 

“Kriff, you sound like Finn and BB-8.”

 

“BB’s met her?”

 

“Met her?My droid’s _obsessed_ with her.I can’t get it to stop beeping incessantly about her.”

 

Keeter eyes him for several moments before grinning again. “Yeah, but I don’t think you’re all that put out by it.”

 

-*-*-*-*-

 

Kendrix is perfectly nice as she leads Rey to the set of neighboring rooms down the hall off the hangar where she and Poe will be staying.It’s a simple room with a bed, a desk, and a chair as well as some drawers and a closet.Considering that they will only be there through the next day and she doesn’t have much in the way of belongings anyway, it will do.With Poe right next door and the small size of the outpost, it will be easy to find her way around and coordinate with him.

 

Poe.He’s been acting odd since they landed.The night before and that morning he had been so gentle and tender, that she temporarily forgot that not long before that he could barely stand to be in the same room as her.But she thought that had changed in the past hours as they slept tangled together and when he asked her to go on a date with him when they get back.Now she’s not so sure.Perhaps being around one of his friends is reminding him that he doesn’t really like her— he was just grateful she saved his life.

 

She really wishes this wouldn’t be so terribly confusing.She also wishes that her mind and the rest of her would stop gravitating toward him so much; it took an embarrassing amount of restraint to keep herself from wrapping her arms around him before she left the hangar and asking him to come with her so she wouldn’t have to sleep alone.Given his obvious want to return to their previous dynamic and the anxiety that she can feel rolling off of him near constantly, she knew doing that would have been disastrous.She has no want to be rejected so publicly, so she simply responded in kind.

 

This is ridiculous; she’s on an incredibly dangerous mission and needs to concentrate on that instead of on whatever feelings Poe Dameron may or may not have for her.She doesn’t have time to think of her nonexistent love life. That thought is her last before she drifts into a fitful sleep.

 

 

She wakes immediately on guard, yells echoing in her mind from her dream and dread knotting in her stomach.She has a bad feeling about this and it isn’t just because of her nightmare.No, there’s something terribly wrong and she knows it.Reflexively her mind turns to Poe and without any hesitation she’s scurrying out of bed and into the hall.Down it, in the hangar, she can hear shouts and blaster fire.

 

_He said he’d keep himself from dying, damnit._

 

As quick as her legs can carry her, she runs to the hangar, stopping just inside the door to try to understand what is happening.She can see Poe and Keeter along with a couple others exchanging fire with two men— one of whom is a mechanic she spoke with earlier and the other she recognizes as having been present when they landed though she never interacted with him.The two men have their backs to her as they continue shooting at Poe and the others.

 

What in all the galaxy happened while she was asleep?The mechanic shoots again and this time she sees that the blaster bolt catches Poe in the arm, which is enough to send her into action.Her lightsaber is activated in a second and she’s behind them both within barely a few more, though she knows she shouldn’t kill them.If she hadn’t left her staff on the ship she’d be able to use that to knock him out.Instead, she waves a hand over the closest one, rendering him unconscious using the Force.The second man turns to her feet away and points his blaster at her, firing a bolt that she easily deflects with her lightsaber.Almost instantly he takes a blaster bolt to the shoulder and loses focus on her long enough for her to reach out and leave him unconscious like his comrade.

 

Several people run past her to haul the men to the few cells she knows every outpost and base has.She doesn’t really care what they do with the men; her attention is across the hangar with the dark haired man standing in an off-white shirt and dark pants, who currently looks back at her with concern as blood stains his shirt on his upper arm.There’s nothing that can keep her from him as she jogs over to him and stops barely a step away.

 

She doesn’t notice the glance that Poe throws at Keeter or the way the other man glances between her and the pilot before announcing that he and the others have to go deal with the two traitors.Faintly she hears a male voice tell her good job but she’s too busy scrutinizing the wound on Poe’s arm to care.The pilot shifts nervously under her gaze and reaches out to hold on to both her arms while his eyes search her form anxiously.

 

“He didn’t get you, did he?I thought I got him before he could but…”

 

His words fade out of her consciousness as she blankly stares at him and feels all of her own fear and anger at him flare.She doesn’t know if she wants to laugh, cry, scream at him, hug him, or slap him, so she ends up doing a bit of them all. 

 

“You said,”she shoves against his chest but it proves ineffectual since he’s anchored himself to her, so she grabs his chin in her hand and forces him to look at her.“You said you would keep yourself from dying!”

 

The words are a bit louder than she intended but she doesn’t care because she’s so, so mad at him right now and it’s an anger born out of her own fear for him.Luke would tell her something about controlling her dark emotions but she can’t hear them right now because all she can think about is how there’s _blood_ on his shirt because he’s _hurt_.Her eyes train on the wound that cuts across his tricep with a crimson trail.

 

“And I did.”He glances at his arm.“That’s nothing some bacta can’t fix right up.I’m going to be fine— I promise.”Slowly he reaches his hand up to gently take her wrist in it and tug at her grip on his chin.When she loosens it he guides her hand to rest on his shoulder.“I’m sorry.”

 

It’s the sincerity of his words that does her in and suddenly she can feel the tears, which she had pushed away in the midst of adrenaline, threatening at the corners of her eyes.Before any of them have a chance to fall she’s crushed against his broad chest, his arms caging her securely to him while his hands idly stroke her back.She lets herself breathe in his scent and her hand stroke the silver chain around his neck that dips down to tuck under his shirt.Faintly she feels his lips press into her hair and rest there.

 

“I’m right here, Rey.I’m not leaving.”He wills her to hear his words and all of the comfort he hopes they’ll bring.“Did you hear the fight?Is that how—“

 

She moves so her ear is pressed against his chest.“No, I just knew.I don’t know how but I woke up and knew something didn’t feel right.”

 

“You’re amazing.”It’s a whisper that glides against her hair.“But you could have gotten yourself killed, you know.”

 

“I was fine.”

 

“He tried to shoot you at point-blank range.”

 

“And I deflected it.”

 

“If anything had happened, though…” his words trail off, leaving her to listen to his uneven breathing in the resulting quiet.

 

She pulls away just enough to rest her chin against his chest so she can look up at him.When he looks back down at her she notices for the first time the worry etched on his face and the glimmer of unshed fear in his eyes.How in the world is it that they’ve both become this attached to each other this quickly?Since they arrived she’s doubted he really cared for her the way she had imagined the day before but now he’s looking at her like there’s nothing more precious in the entire galaxy.

 

“But nothing did happen.”Tentatively she reaches a hand up to caress his cheek, his stubble scratching the skin of her palm.“Come on, we should get some bacta on your arm and then you and Jerome can tell me what in the galaxy just happened here.I think the good Captain owes us both a drink.”

 

“That he certainly does.”


	12. Chapter 12

Bacta gel still confuses her, even though she feels like it shouldn’t.She can fix a ship and basically anything else, she can build a speeder, she can use the Force, she can fly, but give her some medicated goop and she becomes all thumbs. It’s not helping that Poe has removed his shirt so she can address the wound more easily—him sitting before her bare chested is just…distracting. 

 

The MedBay is small and more akin to a glorified medkit than an actual treatment facility, which is just as well since it means that it more or less leaves Rey and Poe to tend to his wound themselves.Frankly, Rey doesn’t want to deal with anyone else, still feeling jumpy and protective from the earlier events, so she locates the supplies she needs and concentrates on applying them. Between that and trying to ignore the way seeing so much of his flesh is making her cheeks turn pink, she has effective enough distraction to keep her thoughts from roaming to those that will provoke the earlier anxious feelings.

 

At some point Poe laughs at her ministrations and offers to deal with it himself but she’s having none of it so long as it allows her to touch him and remind herself that he’s real and safe next to her.And if she happens to sit a little closer to him than what is strictly necessary or would be deemed unsuspicious to an outsider, so be it.She can’t find it in herself to care, really.All she can think about is how her blood ran cold when she saw him get hit with the blaster bolt.It almost felt like the moment she couldn’t find his pulse when he was still strapped into the gunner’s seat.

 

_Stop it. Those thoughts aren’t helping._

 

“I could just Force heal this— it will be a lot faster for us both.”She offers it seriously while she tries to dab a sufficient but not excessive amount of the gel on the open wound.

 

“ _No_.”The word is more forceful than she’s used to hearing from him.They’d had terse, charged exchanges before but this is different; the energy is different and it makes her look up at him in confusion.“There’s no way you’re fully recovered from healing me last night and that fancy blackout trick must have taken a lot out of ya.Don’t exert yourself over a blaster scratch.I’m a simple man; the old fashioned way is fine.”

 

With extra care she wraps his arm with a bandage and looks up to meet his eyes.

 

“You’re all set.”

 

“Thanks, Jedi. You’re a regular medic now.”She hands him his shirt and he begins to pull it back on.“We should go find some food and meet up with Keeter for that drink.”

 

It’s a short walk from the MedBay to the small area they consider the mess hall but Rey decides to use the time to ask the question that has been on her mind for some time now.

 

“Poe, is something wrong?”  


His brows furrow as he looks over at her.“Why would something be wrong?”

 

“You’ve just been acting strangely since we got here.If I did something—“

 

He stops, pulling her to stop and turn to look at him.“Nothing is wrong, Rey.I promise.”He glances around them then and Rey notices the couple people milling about.“Can we talk about this later— just the two of us?”

 

She’d protest but she can feel his discomfort clear enough that it could very well be her own.

 

“Sure.”

 

After eating they find that Keeter’s quarters are only marginally larger and more elaborate than the ones in which they’ve been situated, which seems to fit the man just fine. He does manage to have a bottle of whiskey that Poe smirks at and proclaims ‘the good stuff’ before the Captain pulls it open.Once they’ve all taken a glass, Rey’s less full since she tells them she really hasn’t drank before, Keeter and Poe fill her in on what happened with the two traitors earlier that day.

 

According to Keeter they’d transferred from another base a few weeks back and now he’s finding there’s a high likelihood they’d been sending information to the First Order when at the other bases, since breeches of confidentiality seem to have followed in their wake.The men had opened fire while Keeter gave Poe an update on the status of the uprisings and the rest of their journey to the Finalizer.He hypothesizes Poe was their target due to his rank in the Resistance.

 

“Luckily they were shit shots,” Poe adds with a shrug of his injured arm and a smirk.

 

“Yeah, point blank range and they still couldn’t get you.”Keeter motions his glass toward Rey.

 

“Don’t know if that’s fair, though, Keets— a woman who can best Kylo Ren doesn’t exactly have an equal match in any fight.”He elbows her gently with a lopsided grin and a wink before looking back to the Captain with a serious expression.“Do you think they were able to get any information to the First Order about our mission?”

 

Keeter shakes his head.“I kept it quiet; no one knew you were even coming until you landed and they don’t know anything other than that you’re in a First Order ship.Those guys were in the hangar the entire time since you landed— they didn’t have time to transmit anything— so you haven’t been compromised.It was close, though.”The Captain scrubs a hand over his face.“Enough of that— Rey, you were going to tell me how you learned to fly.”

 

She doesn’t remember agreeing to that.

 

“I built a flight simulator growing up on Jakku.”

 

“Must have been a good one— even Dameron seems impressed with your skill.”He gives her another smile that she tries to reciprocate but only marginally succeeds at since she feels so awkward right now.She doesn’t want to talk about scavenging and the loneliness that went along with her life on Jakku.

 

“Only begrudgingly. BB-8’s sung her praises enough times.”He rolls his eyes but she can tell by the faint smile with it that it doesn’t actually carry any bite to it.

 

“Yeah, Dameron here tells me BB-8 is obsessed with you.”

 

“I don’t know about obsessed.”

 

“Nah, Jedi, BB’s obsessed.You’re probably its favorite person, other than me, of course.”

 

“Well, BB’s one of my favorites, too.”

 

“Why are you and the droid so close? I mean, I kind of get his weird preoccupation,” Keeter motions at Poe, “but what about you?”

 

“Uh, I don’t know.I guess because BB-8 was my first friend.” She doesn’t miss the surprised look on the Captain’s face nor the way Poe’s hand twitches toward hers momentarily.“A Teedo had caught BB-8 in a net, probably planning to sell it for parts.”

 

“And you chased Teedo away and took BB-8 in.”She looks at Poe in a mixture of relief and surprise, her thoughts lifting when she sees his warm smile before he turns his gaze back to his friend.“Little buddy told me all about it: how she saved it, even refused to sell it for a huge amount and helped get BB-8 back to the Resistance.”

 

“Well, I didn’t make it all the way to that.”

 

“Right, I forgot; you ended up besting Kylo Ren and helping bring down Starkiller base instead.”

 

“Oh, _that’s_ all?”Keeter chuckles at Poe’s summary.

 

She doesn’t really understand why he finds it funny but she feels more than sufficiently self-conscious and welcomes Poe saying he’s tired and announcing they should call it a night.The walk back is short and silent until they reach the door to her room and she glances at the bandaged burn on his arm.She doesn’t give him much of a choice and pulls him into her room for her to change the bandage.Unfortunately she hadn’t thought it through— that she would have Poe Dameron, Resistance pilot and man she’s completely confused about, sitting on her bed without a shirt while she tries to concentrate on bandaging his arm.

 

Her eye catches on the silver chain around his neck that she had noticed earlier and the metal circle dangling from it.

 

“What is that?”

 

“Hmmm?”

 

“Your necklace.”

 

“Oh, uh,” he clears his throat uncomfortably, “it’s my mother’s wedding ring.After she died my father gave it to me and I haven’t taken it off since.I guess I like to think it brings me luck.”

 

“That’s beautiful.”They fall into silence that’s not entirely uncomfortable but is thick with the events of the past days until he breaks it.

 

“Sorry about Keeter, he means well but he doesn’t get it when he’s prying.”

 

“It’s OK; I know most people wouldn’t have any trouble with those questions.He didn’t mean any harm.I’m just still not sure how to respond without people looking at me differently, or at least any more differently than they already do.” 

 

“You don’t want their pity.”

 

“Or cruelty.There’s already enough fear and expectation that comes with being Skywalker’s student.”

  
“I can understand that.I grew up as the child of a Rebellion pilot and a Pathfinder; people make a lot of assumptions about you.”He pauses, looking as though he’s just realized something.“That’s why you don’t tell people Luke’s your father, isn’t it?”

 

“There are a lot of reasons why but that is one of them.I’ve been alone all my life, always wanting to belong.But I don’t want it to be just because people know I’m ‘Rey Skywalker’.I want to _actually_ belong somewhere.”

 

“You _do_ belong, Rey.You’re part of the Resistance now; you belong with us.”She knows the words are sincere but she still doesn’t quite agree with them.Before her, Poe shifts so he’s now facing her, one leg pulled up on the bed.“Rey, about your question earlier: I’m sorry if I made you think I was pushing you away or something.I just didn’t know how to act in front of all of them after everything that’s happened.We never really talked about it and I’m not really used to dating anyone—“

 

Her eyebrows must shoot toward her hairline in surprise because he stops short and his upper chest and neck begin to color with a creeping flush.He wears the expression of a child who’s just been caught.

 

“Dating?I don’t remember you asking me.”

 

Quickly he regains his composure and reaches out to tuck a lock of her loose hair behind her ear.“Well, I did ask you on a date.”He gives her a lopsided smile to show he’s teasing her to cover his slip up.

 

“I don’t think the two are quite the same, Pilot.”

 

“Well, I didn’t really think there was much question given the past couple days.I mean, you’ve saved my life at least _three times_ now— I figure that means we’re _at least_ dating.”She tries to ignore how her heart flip flops in her chest at the words.

 

“You must have very odd courting traditions on Yavin IV.”  


“Mmmm, we do.If you save my life one more time I’m pretty sure that means we’re married, so be careful.”He takes her hand and looks up at her through his damn, beautifully dark eyelashes.

 

“I’ll be sure to keep that in mind.”She’s smiling enough that it almost hurts.

 

“Do you want to— date, that is?Or whatever people call it?”

 

“Wow, I don’t think you could have sounded more like an old man.”

 

“OK, so I’m not very good at this particular part.”

 

“Aren’t you supposed to be charming or something?”

 

“I am charming and you know it.”It’s completely silent as he inches closer to her and takes both of her hands in his.“Rey, you already know I’m drawn to you.I want to be with you.Despite our rocky start and my clumsiness, I think we could be really happy together. Do you want that, too?” 

 

She can tell he’s holding his breath and oddly, she finds it adorable.Poe Dameron, cocky Resistance pilot, is nervous about asking to date her.It makes her want to laugh with giddiness but she settles on an excited smile.

 

“Yes.”

 

The tension in his face disappears and is replaced by a smile.“Really?”

 

“Yes, really.”

 

Now she does laugh until it’s cut off by his lips on hers.They’re pulled closer to each other as he moves his hands to her waist and she knots hers in his hair.It’s not exactly clear how it happens, she’s distracted by the way he deepens the kiss and she responds, but she finds herself in his lap.Usually being this close to someone else would bother her but she surprises herself by wanting more of it.When the kiss breaks she almost whines at the loss.

 

“It’s not fair to ask me something like that when you’re not wearing a shirt.”

 

The smile he gives her is salacious and bright as he raises his eyebrows at her.“I’ll have to remember that.”They both laugh at the words until she tries and fails to stifle a yawn. “I should let you get some sleep.The mechanics still need to talk with you before the repairs are finished.”

 

He begins to lift her off his lap but she slides her arms around his neck to stop him.“Stay, please?After everything, I don’t know if I can believe you’re OK unless I can see you.”She knows she’s blushing at the admission and she hopes he doesn’t turn down her request.

 

“Of course.”When she doesn’t move, he quietly laughs.“You’re still going to have to move for us to sleep; it won’t be comfortable otherwise.”

 

The dip in the mattress of a second person as he lays down is still new but something she already finds herself adjusting to.There’s comfort in having him there with her and not just because she’s nervous over the recent dangers they’ve faced.After a life of solitude and then a short stint of overwhelming amounts of people, having one person this close is satisfying in a way she never thought it would be.Even the men she’d spent the night with over the course of her life never gave her this feeling of warmth.So she revels in it, pressing close to his bare chest with his arms around her, and drifts off to sleep.

 

 

-*-*-*-*-*-

 

He wakes with a start and glances around in alarm, trying to remember where he is.The weight on his arm and against his chest anchors him with the reminder that he’s in a borrowed room at the check point with Rey asleep beside him.It’s difficult to see the chronometer from where he is without disturbing her but he manages to crane his neck just so to spy that he’s only been asleep for a couple hours.He could deal with several more like this.

 

In the quiet stillness he lets his mind roam back over the events of the past few days.What a strange whirlwind they’ve been. When he thinks of just the past day cycle he can feel his chest constrict, thinking of how close he came to his own demise.Really, he had met it.Should have met it.But didn’t meet it…

 

because of her.

 

His gaze falls to her sleeping form next to him.She’s so peaceful in her sleep; so free from the stress and traumas of her life. It makes her look younger, though really it’s probably just that she looks her age and he’s painfully aware of it right now.

 

_Her age._ Twelve years his junior.He’ll never hear the end of it.He can already hear the jokes and ribs from the others about being a perverted old man because he’s thirty-two and going after a woman of twenty.He’s surprised that Keeter hasn’t already cracked some of them.But he doesn’t care as longs she doesn’t.As long as they leave her alone it’s fine.

 

It’s ridiculous for him to feel a want to shield her from it.He knows that.If there is anything in this galaxy he is certain of, it’s that Rey can take care of and absolutely protect herself and she can do it much better than he can.But she shouldn’t have to defend herself from hurtful gossip and cutting words that are because of him.

 

_He was my first friend._

 

He thought he could hear his heart breaking when she spoke the words earlier and he definitely wanted to smack himself for all the times he’s rolled his eyes at her and BB-8’s closeness.The little droid hadn’t told him that particular detail, though he feels confident BB-8 knew, but that doesn’t excuse his own callousness.All this time he’s inflicted more pain than he really had ever considered.He’s an idiot—a shameful idiot— and he won’t let anyone hurt her like that over him.Navigating social dynamics like that still clearly aren’t her forte and there’s absolutely no reason she should have to waste energy on it because people want to gossip about him.

 

“Why are you thinking about all of this?”Her sleepy voice comes with her breath against his chest and it surprises him; he didn’t know she was awake.He also didn’t know she was reading his thoughts.“Sorry, it’s harder for me to control what I hear when I’m half-asleep and your thoughts are so loud.”

 

“You’re the only person to ever tell me my thoughts are loud, you know that?”

 

“You haven’t spent much time around Force users, then.”

 

“Not until recently.I suppose I’ll have to get used to it, though, since I plan to spend a lot more time around Jedi than before.”

 

“Then Master Luke will need to teach you how to quiet your thoughts so they don’t wake me.”

 

“That’s a conversation I don’t look forward to.”

 

Undoubtedly the Jedi Master knows of Poe’s reputation by now or, if he doesn’t, he’ll find out about it shortly, either from gossip or the General.That thought suddenly makes him desperately wish that he had not been such a consummate flirt for so many years. While no one would ever say that he’s wronged a woman, they will say that he’s shown interest in many.It will make it much more difficult for him to impress upon the Jedi Master that those habits have changed now that he’s seen what his life could look like.Because yes, he has seen what it could be.

 

After the darkness had consumed him he found himself in a dream, though it felt more real than even many of his memories.

 

_He’s walking down the stairs of his father’s house on Yavin 4, the stairwell and walls exactly as they were the last time he visited.When he reaches the bottom of the stairs he turns into the living area and sees a scene familiar to him in this reality: his father and grandfather talking and laughing with Rey, who sits nearby._

 

_He can’t help but light up with happiness at the sight.Rey fits so naturally with them and he knows that every day she’s happy to be accepted into this family and surrounded with such warmth.She tells him each day when he wakes up next to her and asks how she is.The fact that they can build that together brings him a greater sense of satisfaction and accomplishment than he could ever have dreamed.There could be no mission possible that can compare to the one he has embarked on with her._

 

When he had gasped back to life and found himself looking up into hazel eyes that were filled with concern and relief, he knew it was much more than a dream.It was a possibility. It had to be.And it was one he wanted. 

 

It must be a possibility.It’s that hope that’s brought him sudden resolve that his past will not reflect his future habits— not if it means that he could have a shot at that image in his mind.He’s used to making quick decisions with finality and this is no exception: he knows he wants to be with her and whatever that means or requires is what he’ll make happen.

 

“I’m a grown woman.”Her words shake him from his thoughts— ones that he hopes weren’t so loud that she would pick up on them.“Luke will just have to accept whatever happens; it isn’t his choice.”

 

“I know and I’m sure he does, too.It doesn’t mean I’m looking forward to being under his scrutiny, especially given my past…indiscretions with women.”

 

“How many women?”

 

“What?”  


“How many women have you slept with?”He’s now deeply regretting mentioning anything about his reputation.This is not a conversation he really wants to have when he’s still sorting everything that’s happened and it’s all so new.

 

“Do we really have to talk about this right now?We’re on a dangerous mission and I’ve already died once on it.I’d rather not make it twice.”

 

“I just want to know.If we both survive I want to know.”

 

He hears the unspoken words in her statement; the ones that are underlined with fear.

 

“Uh, I don’t know— a good amount.The amount a man my age would have.”

 

“That’s not a number.It’s that many?”The slight disappointment and self consciousness seep into her voice as she talks.“Are any of them on the base?”

 

“Some, yes.”

 

“Who?I don’t want to run into one of them and be surprised if they say something about you.”

 

“I don’t think I should tell you who they are, buttercup.”

 

“Why?”

 

“Because I’ve seen what Luke can do, I’ve seen what Kylo Ren can do, and I’ve seen what _you_ can do.Telling my Jedi girlfriend, who has arguably the best hand-to-hand combat skills in the whole galaxy next to Luke, the names of women I’ve slept with doesn’t seem like a good idea.A Jedi versus a regular human is not exactly a fair fight— especially not with a lightsaber.”

 

“I’m not a Jedi yet; I’m only an Apprentice.Regardless, Jedi don’t seek revenge and we control or release jealousy.”

  
“Uh huh, I get that, but I still don’t wanna tempt fate.”

 

“But what if one of them says something to me?”

 

“I don’t think any of them will.It didn’t mean anything to me or any of them, I promise.Most of them are dating someone now anyway.It’s more likely that people will comment on our age difference and they’ll say that to me; not you.”

 

She looks at him confused still so he continues.

 

“I’m twelve years older than you.If anyone is going to focus on anything, it’s that.And if there’s anyone they’ll think is devious, it’s me.”

 

“Oh.”She hesitates a moment before her face splits with a radiant smile.“Did you just call me your girlfriend?”

 

He doesn’t bother suppressing his groan, though it is only half-hearted.“Don’t make me regret that.”He kisses the tip of her nose and smiles down at her before he changes the subject.“I’d ask who on base you’ve slept with but I already know the answer.”

 

“What?”Her voice squeaks in surprise.

 

“Did you forget that I caught you trying to sneak back to your quarters just a few nights ago?”

 

“Well, no.But that doesn’t explain—“

 

“People talk, Rey.Things like that don’t stay a secret, especially not when you’re the only Jedi Apprentice on base and are something of a hero and novelty to everyone.”

 

“Oh."

 

“Even outside the rumor mill I’d still at least know about Seth: sleeping with you was practically a life goal for him.He made sure to tell anyone near him about it.”

 

He’s not Force sensitive but he can feel her sudden mortification and anger from the way her muscles suddenly become very rigid. 

 

“He told people?”Poe only nods.“I don’t understand.He just bumped into me at a party— he spilled a drink on me.”

 

“Seth has spilled a lot of drinks on a lot of women; it’s his fallback to start a conversation— he’s pretty bad at it otherwise.He did that because he wanted to make sure that he slept with Luke Skywalker’s student but probably was terrified to talk to you.”

 

“I saw him before we left— he had a bruise on his jaw.He was obviously trying to avoid me.”

 

“Yeah, I’m not very proud of that.”

 

She’s about to ask what he means but then the image of their confrontation is being projected so strongly from him that she doesn’t need to.

 

“You hit him?”

 

He sighs heavily, bracing himself for the inevitable fallout that his confession will bring. “Yeah. I think General Organa is gonna be mad at me about that for a long time.I couldn’t let him gounscathed after what he did and said.”

 

“Wait, you tell me you’re worried I’ll go after the women you’ve slept with but you’ve actually _punched_ a guy because he slept with me?”

 

“What?No.”He’s grasping desperately for words, confused about what she means when it suddenly strikes him very forcefully.“I didn’t punch him because he slept with you; I punched him because he endangered the squadron by disobeying his orders and he talked about you like you were just some conquest to be won.It was just…insulting.”

 

“You know what I think?”He looks down to see a sly smile across her features.“I think you wouldn’t punch someone over what he said about me if you didn’t like me.I think that you liked me, even then, more than you would admit.I think that—“

 

Her words are cut off when his lips are urgently pressing against hers as though he’ll suffocate otherwise.When he pulls back, it’s only barely and his lips ghost over hers when he speaks.

 

“Yeah.”

 

“What?”

 

“Yeah, you’re right.I had to come back from the dead to figure it out but yeah, you’re right: I wanted you even when I wouldn’t admit it.I couldn’t stand the idea of someone hurting you.”The tendril of hair that always seems to fall in her eyes catches his attention and he brushes it back, thinking of how to make sense of all this to her.“I know you don’t need to be protected— hell, _I’m_ scared of the things I know you can do— but it doesn’t mean that I won’t want to set someone straight when you’re not there to do it yourself.”

 

“I know.”

 

“Is that OK?”

 

“Yes.”

 

“Good.”He scoots closer to her, moving to carefully kiss her cheek with his eyes closed.“How are you feeling?”

 

“Tired but OK.” He notes with a certain sense of satisfaction the breathlessness of her voice that has nothing to do with fatigue.

 

“It’s essentially the middle of the night by standard time; you should go back to sleep.”He knows his voice is a husky timbre as he says the words before placing another soft kiss to her jaw.He continues to pepper her jawline with kisses, only stopping to ask, “are you comfortable?”

 

“Yes— after years on Jakku I can sleep just about anywhere.But you’re distracting.”

 

He hears the soft, strangled groan that he knows she was trying but failed to suppress.It almost causes him to chuckle but he stops himself just in time, knowing that her reaction to that would not be positive.The urge to antagonize her just slightly, like he’s so used to doing even if it is in a new way, is strong and he can’t help but indulge it a little before letting her fall back asleep.

 

“I don’t know that I can do anything about that; you’ll just have to learn to work around your intense attraction to me.”

 

“Oh kriff, really, are you always like this?”

 

“When a beautiful woman who likes me enough to repeatedly save my life is in bed with me, yes.”

 

“Is it ever going to change?”

 

He doesn’t think he’s imagining the other, unspoken question that goes with the one she’s just voiced so he locks his eyes to hers.“Absolutely not.So you’ll have to learn to deal with it.”

 

She lets out a mock groan but he doesn’t miss the slight smile that goes with it.“Even in public?”

 

“Jedi, I’m going to want to shout it from the rooftops when we get back to base.Being publicly affectionate is the least of it.” He places a soft kiss on her cheek then.“I want everyone to know just how crazy I am about you.So see?You don’t need to worry about any women saying anything to you; everyone will know exactly where my loyalty lies.Is that OK?”

 

She nods around a yawn before scooting closer to him so she can mold herself against him with her ear pressed to his chest as it was before.“We’ll talk about it later.” 

 

He knows he should let her go to sleep but there’s one thing gnawing at his mind still.

 

“Rey?”

 

“Yes?”The word comes out with an edge of exhaustion and he knows that she’ll fall asleep any minute.

 

“Thank you.”

 

She perks up at the words and he can sense her confusion. “For what?”

 

“For caring enough about me to always come back to save me each time.Other than my parents I don’t know that I’ve ever had someone truly care for me that much.”

 

There’s a shift next to him and then he feels her press a kiss to his collar bone.“Thank you for wanting to be saved.”

 

The smirk he feels cross his face at her reply stays long after he hears her breath even out with sleep.There’s so much that he wants to say to her still but he contents himself with being here with her and embracing the gift he’s been given.As he drifts off to unconsciousness he knows he’s still smiling to himself.


End file.
